Sunday, October 31, 2010
It was such a surreal night. It was like everything around me was foggy. Well it was really foggy weather wise, so this could be part of it. But what I mean is, the regular, every day things I saw looked hazy, foggy and just out of my normal sight. But the things of an obese nature were life sized and up front. Bigger than life!
Here's what I mean....
First thing I noticed were the cheerleaders. They were your typical teen aged all American girls. All thin and of normal size except one. This one girl was quite large, fat really!! Poor thing, here she was in her cheerleader outfit, stuffed like a sausage. Every time she did a move or a cheer, she had to pull her shirt down, adjust her skirt, and pull fabric from her rolls. She looked awkward and uncomfortable. I felt so bad for her.
Wait a minute....stop the presses. I was that girl!!
I was always the fat one in the group. Still am the fat one. Unfortunately there are a lot more of us now. But when I was a kid, there was only one other fat girl in my class. It was awful!!! I remember thinking how great it would be if there were more fat people and less skinny people. Well we're living that right now folks! Sorry I don't think it's better. I hate being just like so many people I see, I don't want any of us to fat and unhealthy!! I want us all to get fit!!!
I would say that 80% of the people on the bleachers all around me were over weight or obese, including my chubby self ~ no judgement here!!! In my foggy state, all I can see is chubby hand and faces and food being shoveled into gaping mouths. It was like, when you go to the movies and everybody is trying to cram in all their food before the movie begins. They were shoveling it in ~ FAST!!! I prayed several times that the team would not score another touch down or make a good play, because every time they did, everyone would stand up and cheer. Each time they did this, I felt the flooring of the aluminum bleacher buckle and sway. I was truly afraid it would collapse under the weight!!! (I'm usually not a fraidy cat, but this was frightening!!!)
One lady I was mesmerized by. She was a non stop...popcorn eating machine. Then it was potato chips and then some other things I could not see. It was almost like she could not stop herself.
Wait wait....reality check....I was that woman!!!
There have been a zillion times I was just like her. Could not get food into my mouth quick enough! Never satisfied, always wanting more!!! Insatiable hunger, a bottomless pit! That was me!!
Then something happened on the field that warranted the coaches to run out to talk to the players. One of the coaches was soooo fat, he could barely walk. I was wondering to myself, how effective is he with his team, when he talks about the nutrition needed to do what they do? Or how can he encourage his team to be diligent about the running and weight lifting needed to do the job? Or how can he explain passion and the importants of all of the components of this game, when he has personally lost his passion for doing the important things in his life?
How credible is he? Can he really make a difference in these young men's lives when he obviously does not take care of himself?
Pardon me......Ahem.....I am that man!!!
Where do I get off, telling anybody, anything about being fit and healthy? What do people think of me when they see me waddling down the street? What about at a restaurant ~ is what I order and eat being scrutinized and judged? What about the young people at work, the ones I lead....how credible am I? Can I really make a difference in their lives?
I am just like every fat person out there. No way I can hide what I've done to myself. I am judged, left out, made fun of, thought less of, taken advantage of.....yet I still do what I do.
I am that cheerleader, that woman and that coach!!!
It's a new day my friends. A hard one for many!! I know, I know....it's a day of celebration. But before you stick you hand in that candy jar or pick up that cookie....Remember we were people obsessed with food and junk.
BUT NOT ANY MORE!!!
We are not the same people we were last year. We aren't the same!!! We are on a new journey of health and fitness. And one day at a time ~ we are going to get to the goal!! We are going to be the people that God created us to be. We are no longer outsiders looking into to things. We are making things happen and making a difference in this world. We are changing our family tree. We are breaking the chains of obesity ~ One day at a time!!
Keep focused my friends ~ WE are making it happen!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Not to say that I can't take one on...if it's for work, no problem. Got a problem at church, I'm there for you. Can't balance your checkbook, well I will work on it until the sun goes down. I'm all over those kinds of challenges.
When it comes to me and my personal health, fitness and weight loss....well that's another story.
Now I can be challenged for short term things, fitness wise. Example, if my trainer says do a plank for a minute, I can do that and maybe give her some more. She can challenge me on any of the weights or machines and I have success. Challenge me to run...NO WAY!!! So I am willing to go only so far.
My journey began because of a challenge. I was watching the movie Julie & Julia and the woman in the story decided to take a year of her life and challenged herself to cook all the recipes in Julia Child's first book. We watched her during that year struggle, be frustrated, have success and failure, but she set her goal and she made it! I was so inspired by that. I loved the thought of committing a year to focus on my health. I got so excited that decided that I wanted to lose 60 pounds by September 5th, for our son's wedding. So I got my trainer and nutritionist, started counting calories and began my fitness training.
The part I hate about challenges, is I missed my mark by 10 pounds. I lost only 50 pounds in 8 months. Good...but I still failed, I did not make my goal....
Starting September 1st, I thought I should set a new challenge. And I threw out to Blogland that I was going to get "MAD" and lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Gratefully a number of you jumped on the band wagon and joined me in my informal challenge. For someone who does not like challenges, not only do I have my own personal challenge going on, but I also joined a weight loss challenge at my gym. We are working to see who loses the most weight by December 31st. I'm so excited and I'm working as hard as I know to do. And.....
CHIRPING SOME MORE....
The scale has not moved!!!
I'm working like a dog in the gym and at home. Participated in and finished a 10k. I'm drinking more water and my calories have been up about 200 some days, because of the added workouts. I'm hungry!!!
The stupid scale has not moved!!!!!!!!!
Then I saw that Allan thew out a challenge. When I first saw it, I thought to myself, "Nope, ain't gonna do it"!! I not joining anymore stupid challenges. Because every time I do, I either work my butt off and miss my goal or nothing happens. So I dug my heals in deep. I was not going to do it.
Then he spoke about it again. Geez, I feel like he's cramming it down my throat. Allan you were talking only to me right? Anyway, I finally decided to look at the challenge. I stopped to see what the hubbub was about and after reading what was required, I got excited!!!
Take a look for yourself!
- YOUR DAILY CALORIC INTAKE IS YOUR GOAL WEIGHT X 11 EVERYTHING YOU INGEST COUNTS AND NEEDS TO BE RECORDED
- YOU DRINK 64 OUNCES OF WATER DAILY
- NO CHEATING AND NO B...S....
- WEEKS, STARTING 10/25/2010
- WEIGH IN MONDAY MORNING AND WEIGH IN 11-08-10
This is a challenge I can do! What I like about this one, is there are specific things I need to do that pertain to my fitness and weight loss goals. I've seen other challenges out there that have you focus on your feelings or fun stuff and/or do anything but focus on weight loss. I don't get that. Shouldn't we be focusing on our weight loss & fitness goals? Anyway, just wondering...
So back to the challenge.
- My caloric intake needs to be 1595 calories per day. Shocking, after reviewing my calorie log book, I see that my calories have been 1600 - 1800 the past 2 months. Hum, is that why I have not been losing any weight?
- Water - lets see....I'm already drinking between 100-120oz per day. Whew that was an easy one.
- Don't cheat...Now here is the biggest and hardest part of this challenge. The next two weeks is a food fest for me!! Friday ~ Company potluck...Saturday ~ Harvest Party at my house...Sunday ~ Halloween...the next Sunday is my birthday!! YIKES. Why oh why did I commit to this type of challenge, during these two weeks. Hey where's the feel your feelings challenge? I think I could do that one.....Geez!!!!
- I started the challenge yesterday. I did not hit my 1595 calories for the day. I was over by 50 calories for a grand total of 1645. Not too bad for poor planning.
So here's the deal. I've been doing a pretty good job so far. Yeah 50 pounds in, now, 10 months. I've put a lot of hours on the treadmill and in the gym. I drank gallons and gallons of water. I have not had fast food for over 10 months (major miracle for me) and I do pretty well with my food. I make good choices, just have too much of it, obviously.
This challenge is so good for me, because it makes me really look at what's important in getting this weight off. Really, there can be no more fudging. Can't be! (Do you know that I have not been counting the creamer in my coffee all this time. Each cup is 50 calories and I could have 2-4 cups per day. That's up to 200 extra calories a day that I have not been counting. Also, I thought my oatmeal was 190 calories. After really looking at and re-measuring my food, I realized it's more like 400. I was having too much!!!
So you see. It pays off to take the time to really look at what you are doing. RECORD EVERYTHING you put in your mouth. It all counts!!
I'm taking this challenge to heart and I'm going to do everything in my power to stay on task. Even through all the parties and celebrations. I am going to do this!!!
This morning, after having a great day yesterday, calories reduced, I did 2o minutes of cardio (my trainer restricted me because of just doing the 10k) and all of my weight sets, and I had 120 oz of water. Do you know that stupid scale did not move.
Does not matter. I'm still going to do everything I'm supposed to!!
What do you think, do you want to join us in this challenge?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I went with my beautiful daughter and a friend from work. We set out on our journey @ 6:00am. Found our destination, got ready and by 8:20am I was on the road.
Here's the low down...
- Sadly I was tired. Yesterday was a kick butt day...My hubby made my spaghetti, but by the time it was done, we had to go to church. I thought I would eat after, but we did not get home until 10:30pm. Way too late for me to eat!! By the time I got into bed it was 11:30pm. Way to late for me! I tossed and turned, just too excited and finally at midnight I fell into a deep, peaceful, wonderful sleep. And then.....the biggest, loudest, scariest thunder rocked our house, waking us all up including the dogs, who then thought it a good idea to go into a barking frenzy. Needless to say, it was not the kind of night you would desire to have just prior to a sporting event.
- Then I was up @ 5:00am. I thought it a good idea to shower and wash my hair...why? I can't tell you. Well I was kind of thinking that I had such a hard night, that I might be refreshed with a shower. Yup it did the trick, but as I gathered my gear and was in my car headed for my daughters house, I realized that I had not had breakfast. YIKES!!!
- I get to my daughters in plenty of time and Bless her heart, she had a hearty bowl of oatmeal waiting for me. So I gobbled away and we soon set out.
- We arrive at our destination about the same time as my friend and found the starting line. Soon the half marathoners were off and we were waiting for our turn.
- We're lining up, most of the crazies were dressed in Halloween costumes, and we were ready to go. The gun goes off and we are on our way.
- Then thanks to our wonderful Oregon weather it begins to rain. And then it rains really hard. So I'm walking, remember I decided I could not run, and I'm just pluggin' along and after awhile all of the runners and really fast walkers were quite a ways ahead of me. I am not alarmed, just going my own pace, having fun, feeling good. And then something prompts me to take a look behind me and we were DEAD LAST!!!!! Not a soul behind me!!
- Yikes that was just not going to do it for me. There were a thousand people ahead of me!!! I was not going to stand for that. I was not going to come in last. So I picked me a target and started running. I ran and caught up to the first pack, passed some people, then started walking. I kept that up the whole way. We figured I probably ran 1 1/2 miles of the 6. Pretty good for me, since I was told by my doctor that I could not do it. HaHa - Yes I can!!!
- About mile 2 I saw a heavy set lady walking by herself and she was wearing a devil costume. Hummmm...Maybe I should not be surprised by what she did. So I see her up ahead of me. She was my next target, so I walked and ran and finally passed her with no problem. Feeling pretty good about myself, I kept that up with many other people. Then around mile 4 I see this same woman ahead of me again. I know it was her, I was targeted on the back of her body for quite awhile the first time I caught up to her. So I'm like, what the heck. I know she did not pass me, nobody passed me, where did she come from? Anyway, I retargeted her and passed her again. So now the pack is jockeying back a forth, I'm passing some people, they're passing me, as it goes. So at mile 5, I'm getting excited, we are almost to the end and there's that lady again. The big cheater!! Don't know how she knew how to weave in and out of the city blocks, but that's exactly what she did. So for the final time, I set my target and blew past the big cheater, cheater pants AGAIN!!!!!
- Finally the finish line was in sight. Of course, I had to run to the finish. My daughter who decided to run the whole thing in 70 minutes, was waiting with her camera. As I approached I could see her and went flying past her and she missed me. I called out to her and had to do a circle around, so I could get my picture taken. Well you gotta have one, and then I blasted through the finish line ~ 1 hour and 45 minutes later, I was not the last one in, there were 8 people behind me. (Kind of embarrassing, but not - do you know what I mean?)
Anyway, a couple of things I learned. 10k participants are really different from the 5k guys. I mean there was absolutely no messing around. They had a destination and they meant to get there ~ fast!! And I have to say that there were very few walkers in this category. After the running pack took off, there were only about 20-25 of us walking. So I guess I did not do too bad...considering!
The other thing is, I think it's really important to make sure you get done everything you need to prior to the event - food, rest, sleep etc. I tried, but got side tracked.
Shoes....shoes are very, very important! Mine felt like I was running with cardboard on my feet. Not comfortable at all. I will be looking into new pair shortly!!
Wearing layers is so important. I forgot to tell you that it rained only 1 mile of the event. The rest of the way was great, sunny and clear. Wished I had had my sunglasses. Who knew I would need them? Anyway, I was glad I could shed off some of my clothes when it got warmer.
Anyway that's it. I made it, had fun, broke a belief barrier (I CAN RUN) and have my time to beat, for the next big event. I'm thinking 10k Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day!!
What about you, have you done something lately that you thought you could not do?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
How in the world did I think I could ever do this? Well...first came the desire! After that came the preparation....
- I have had to do a lot of mental work to even get to the point where I could sign up. Breaking through belief barriers are tough. I have gone back and forth so many times, it's crazy. (Please note, I'm not running this thing, I'm walking. Just not up to running with the knee yet. Hoping I can do it next year) So many times I've said to myself, "I can do it"...."No, I can't do it"...."Yes you can"....No I can't"! I feel like Sybil (For those of you who are too young to know about her, there was a movie (true story) about a young woman named Sybil, whose childhood was so harrowing to her that she developed at least 13 different personalities.) She talked to herself a lot. Anyway that's how I've been feeling. Strong, weak, really strong, pathetic...When I signed up I was huge!!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!
- The next thing I had to do was budget. Now it was only $20 to enter, but with my tight budget I had to make it work. Check - got it done!!!
- Next I had to prepare physically. I have been strength training for quite a while now and pushing myself on the Treadmill. Now I know there's a huge difference between walking on the Treadmill and walking on the ground. I hope I've done enough work to make this happen. I know that I can do a 20 minute mile. Kind of slow, but for the mental part, I had to know how long it would take me to get this done.
- Now the fun part. Clothes....Well I did not have anything to wear, what's new! That's when my hubby came to the rescue. I have my running shoes and socks (the socks are black and orange - Hey, I forgot to tell you, we are supposed to dress up - it's Halloween for goodness sakes!!), then I added my orange t-shirt that says "This is my costume" and I had a pair of leggings that fit great and that's all I had. My hubby gave me his medium t-shirt (with the kind of fabric that wicks out the sweat - whoo hoo!!!), his water proof running jacket, his ear warmers and his cool Keen cap!! I am set to go!!
- Next I prepared my body....Last night I went to bed at my regular time and slept in this morning. Today, I'm planning on eating healthy meals, ending with spaghetti and bread for dinner. Getting to bed early. Then it's up at 5:00am to set out on my journey!
- Finally, I'll end my prep with prayer!! Really can't do anything with out the help from the Lord. Only He can help me overcome so many of the things I fear and can't do on my own. I know He will help me be triumphant and will make this a successful event. Also, I added a little extra prayer for the weather. Tomorrow, we are supposed to have the third of rain and wind storms that are supposed to hit our state. They are predicting over an inch of rain....So far, storm one and two have not been too bad...Storm 3.....well who knows. I'm praying for a window of no rain or wind between 7:30 am to 1:00pm.....After that bring it on!!!
Have you ever participated in a 5k, 10k, half marathon? How do you prepare?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Good for me....However, I still have a long way to go...I've got 78 more pounds of fat to lose.
This is not a time to slack off or give up, my journey is not over....I've got a lot to do!!!
With that said, I've had to take some time to ask myself some questions that have been bugging me lately.
- Am I losing this weight for me or someone else?
- Am I putting my full effort into my food selection, prep and presentation (Good nutrition and pleasing to the eye)?
- Am I putting my full effort into drinking my water?
- Am I putting my full effort into my exercise/fitness program?
- Am I putting my time into my blogging to please others or to help others?
- Am I being honest with all aspects of this journey?
- Am I truly giving it my all?
Have you ever asked yourself these types of questions?
Do you know how you would answer them?
I once was involved with a cosmetics company that allowed me to actually make enough money to quit my day job and work "part time" for them and make a full time income. I was totally sucked in....I purchased my kit, a new computer and company software, office supplies and a complete inventory of products. My thought was, I would buy everything necessary to be successful in this business. My business was open and just getting off the ground. However, after some time, I realized I would not be making this grand living just selling to my friends and family, it was time to hit the streets. I mean if I really wanted to do well and make money, I had to go outside my bounds of familiarity and comfort and meet more people. So I got some nerve and I tried and tried to make this happen. After many, many attempts, I soon found out that I had trouble approaching women and asking them for their business. I just could not do it.
All the while, my boss had weekly sales meeting and she wanted to see that we were selling the product. Well instead of selling it, I just kept buying it and giving it away to my friends and family at my costs. Yeah it looked like I had sales, but I was not making any money. And because I thought having more product on my shelf would help me sell more, I just kept getting more and more into debt.
Looking back I can see that I did this because I loved the recognition of being one of the tops sales gals in the group. Yeah, I was totally moving product, but going broke in the process. Week after week, I kept going, loving more and more the praise and accolades that come with being a winner. On the outside I was happy as can be, but on the inside....well I did not fair so well. After some time, I was so guilt ridden because of the tremendous debt I was adding to my family and because I was lying to my boss and the others in my group. I was not "really" selling, I was not finding new customers, I was not working the plan.....I was just "feeding" the need to be accepted and praised for a job well done. I did not do a good job, I failed...
You see there was so much more to that business other than just being a good person, or desiring to have a business, or quit my job or having everything needed to do the work. It was about doing the WORK!! DOING THE HARD STUFF, EVERY DAY...CONSISTENTLY!!
Since I was unwilling to do the things that would help me to succeed, my business failed.
What does this have to do with weight loss you might ask? EVERYTHING!!!
It's the same concept. You can have a great scale, cute workout clothes, the best running shoes...You can have the most perfect food plan and menus, awesome workout schedule and a kick butt trainer...You can say all the inspiration you want on your blog...
But the reality is....
Unless you are willing to be honest with what is really going on and be willing to do the work, the real work that makes a difference....You are going to fail.
I know what I'm talking about. Both in the business world and in my personal walk through this journey.
Don't get me wrong, I've had some success. But it's not with the effort of a true winner. I'm sloppy, sluggish at times, unwilling to do the hard work, and not honest with you or myself about what I'm "really" putting in my mouth. Friends, I'm not doing all I can do...I can do more!!!
Today, I'm on the success journey. No more messing around. It's time to clean up and get this thing done!! No more wasting time!!!
Are you with me?
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My poor trainer wants to push me to the next level in my fitness training. I'm getting there, ever so slowly. I will do what she says, but only what she says. I put in a great effort, but there is more she wants from me. So we have been baby stepping along the way and sort of getting me where she wants.
For the past couple of months I been at a plateau. She has been gently, (not her usual Jillian Michaels style), trying to tell me that in order to blast past the plateau I need to push harder with my cardio.
I have been somewhat reluctant to go there due to my feet and knee problems. But she keep pushing me and says, as long as I don't experience pain, I'm good to go....
Last night, I finally gave in.....
You know what? I did everything she said to do. I worked out on the Treadmill for 25 minutes, doing intervals with an incline. (Which I was told or thought I could not do) UP TO 10 INCLINE FOR MINUTES AT A TIME.....Then she increased my speed. I am your classic 3.4 speed girl. Can't go higher unless I run. Oh ho ho....YES I CAN...She had me up to 3.7 ~ WALKING!
Most of you will be laughing your heads off....3.7 speed.....10 incline. Huh! You could do it in your sleep.
For me....This was a belief buster!!!
Whoever told me that I could not do this was wrong. I can do it and I DID IT!!!!!
The other thing she had me do was work on the Elliptical. I tried it for the first time, last week, and died at 5 minutes with no incline. Yesterday she had me on it for 10 minutes, with an incline (don't know how high, because I don't understand the machine yet) and we did 15 second intervals at high speed. (Well my high speed, but it was really fast!!)
Once again, whoever said that I could not do this was WRONG!!!
Makes me wonder....who is this person who keeps telling me that I can't do things?
Hummm I wonder...
Could it possibly be me?
I might be onto something here. So if I told myself that I could not walk on a Treadmill at 10 incline and a 3.7 speed.....Then what other things have I told myself I could not do? What other things could I accomplish if only I would get out of my own way? Where would I be in a year or years to come if I would adopt an attitude that I can, instead of convincing myself that I can't?
I think today I'm going to quit listening to myself, push through the hard stuff. starting doing and I'm going to adopt that attitude of "I CAN"!
What about you. Do you tell yourself that you can't?
Monday, October 11, 2010
The only thing I could do, because I just could not see it for myself, was to visualize my sister's face and body. We look a lot alike only she's of normal weight. So I could kind of get the mental picture I was looking for.
I have to give my Sis some credit...because I never really could do it before and here's why. She had gained a substantial amount of weight after having her 3 babies. About the time she was ready to lose her weight, I had told her that I was, once again, going to get this weight off. I had started a journal at that time and I had told her that it was really helpful for me, as I tend to forget what I've eaten. Well she took the whole journal idea to heart. She journalled all her food, water, exercise (same way I'm doing it now). She focused and she worked hard and lost over 90 pounds. Now that was many years ago and she's kept it off. I on the other hand abandoned the great plan and kept gaining more and weight.
Here's where the credit comes....I've never really acknowledged what an amazing feat that was for her. And here's why.....She had always been a thin person...her whole life. Growing up, she used to be able to eat bags of Doritos chips without gaining an ounce. Geez, if I just smelled the chips, I would gain a pound. So my thought process was, she's just a thin person on the inside, so it was "EASY" for her to lose her weight. I never realized that it was a struggle for her to lose weight, just like it's a struggle for me. It's not EASY for anyone. I just thought thin people had it easier.
Anyway, I never gave her credit for all of her hard work and many accomplishments. So sorry my dear Sis!! Congrats on losing all your weight and for keeping it off all these years!! You look GREAT!!!
I just realized that I am a thin person on the inside too and I'm going to do the same thing she did!!! And I can wait!!
OK back to the visualization thing....So last night I was thinking about this whole process. And FINALLY I saw a vision of me, with my head connected. I could see my smiling face and my thin body all in one piece. I could see the WHOLE PACKAGE!!!! This is like a break through for me!!!
I don't know why this has been so difficult for me. I do know that it was important for me to get there. Well I'm here and ready to finally see it in real life!!!
I now know that it will happen, I'm going to succeed at losing this weight. I am going to get thin, fit and healthly!!!! Can't wait!!!
In your mind, can you visualize yourself thin?
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Yesterday I went to a Women of Faith Conference. It's a Christian women’s organization that has been holding non-denominational conferences at various locations around North America since 1996. (Info from Web definition) Anyway this year they had Michelle Aguilar as one of their speakers. She was the grand prize winner of Season 6 of The Biggest Loser Show. I could not wait to see her and hear her story. This year's conference theme was ~ Imagine - Escape from the everyday and be refreshed, encouraged and inspired. The God who loves you can do far more than you can ever Imagine.
Great topic right?
I did not quite walk away from the conference refreshed, encouraged and or inspired, but God did give me more than I imagined. What I walked away with was something that none of the speakers spoke of, as least I don't remember them speaking about this, but it's something the Lord showed me last night, something that does not please Him and that is...
I judge others...
You see I have had a life long history of judging other people. The first thing I do is judge...I have realized this through the years and have had to really fight to keep from doing it. I have learned that I have to look at the person or situation at face value and then let it play out. Usually I'm wrong on my first judgement about someone. I've learned if I intensely judge someone, they most likely will end up being my best friend. So, now it's kind of fun, when I get that notion, I realized that I'm looking at my new best friend!!
However, what is not fun, is I've made judgements about some people and have actually ended up with or doing whatever it was I judged. Example....
When I was a kid, I went to the animal barns at the State Fair. We happened to be in the pig barn and we were looking at the huge hogs. Passing by a stall I looked in and saw this huge piece of flesh that I thought was a pig. Turns out it was a huge women, wearing shorts, laying on a cot, sleeping. My first thought was, Oh my Gosh!!! I will never, never, never allow myself to get like that...
Another time, I came across a women who was so bad mouthing a person and gossiping that I found her most unpleasant and discontinued talking to her. Not more than a few minutes later, while I was with my friend, I started doing the same thing. I did not realize it, until after I had already spewed my vile hatred. Somehow I felt I was justified in doing this behavior. Never occurred to me that the women I was listening to before, probably felt the same way. Neither of of us were right. There is no good reason to do what either of us did.
Then....I saw a man at a grocery store. He had little bumps all over his face and arms. The bumps were not pimples or pussy or anything like that. Just small, medium and large raised bumps. He was working in the concession booth of all places. I could never understand why the company allowed him to work in an area with food, when he looked at that. Every time I went there, I prayed that he would not help me. (Right now I can see his face and his eyes are speaking to me to understand) Do I have tears now - You bet!! Anyway, I started getting those same bumps on my arms ~ I have two. They just raise up and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them, except burn them off. This poor man has hundreds, maybe thousands of them. He would be a scared mess if he had them burned off, not to mention the pain this would cause him. And I judged him!!!!
Those are just a couple of things, from my past, that I am willing to dredge up to tell you how vile I can be. However, there is just one more that is fresh, that I will share.
Last night at the Women of Faith Conference, Michelle Aguilar from The Biggest Loser made her entrance onto the stage and I was shocked. She has gained some weight back. She does not even look the same, I almost did not recognize her. The women's face on the brochure, did not look like the same women on the stage. I was so disappointed for her. Again, that evil judgement came to my mind. I thought, what in the world....You've had all this training, knowledge, and help and YOU'VE ALLOWED YOURSELF TO GET FAT AGAIN!!!! Augh, I just don't get it.
So I went home from the conference, so conflicted and mad. I just did not understand how she could let this happen.....
You know I've been on my journey since January 2010. I've had help from a Nutritionist and personal trainer. I have you guys and tons of support from my family and friends. I have tools ~ my scale, journal, doctors etc.
And you know what? I too did not turn to them. Yesterday I had a terrible food day and to top it off, last night I ate about a cup of M&M's. When I totalled up my calories for the day, I logged in over 3000 calories for the entire day!!!!
Who am I to judge Michelle Aguilar.....when I too can't keep it together?
There are so many reasons why people judge others. Just Google "Why do we judge" and you will see it's a common problem.
I would have loved to come across something that would just sum it all up in a nice package, but could not spend the time finding it.
So here's is why I think I do it.....It's because I just don't have enough knowledge, I don't understand the person or situation and I have fear....
I guess that is why, God allowed the same things to happen to me. Now that I know and/or have experienced where people are coming from, I get a new understanding. Life is hard. Things happen to us that are out of our control. We can only do with what we have to work with. We can only do our best.
I know that now!
I no longer judge these people or myself. All I can see now, is there eyes, looking at me, pleading for me to understand. I get it. I understand and I love you!!!!
I pray that God has seared judgement from my heart....and I ask Him to instead give me love, understanding and compassion for people and things I don't understand....
Friday, October 8, 2010
HA! I don't feel restful at all. I feel like I'm reving up!!! Gone are the lazy days of summer, it's time now to get our running shoes on ~ the holidays are near!!!!!
My calendar is already filling up with holiday plans. Yes even now, I've got stuff planned through the end of October and my "Things to do" list is growing for November & December!
There is little time left after working all day, running errands, Family, ministry, laundry, cooking, cleaning and all the holiday prep stuff, to do what I need to do for myself.
The next 3 months are going to be rough! My schedule will be full of activities and fun as well as the normal every day stuff.
It seems so appealing right now to......and I know there are others of you who feel the same way I do.....to just put our health & fitness plans on the back burner "FOR NOW" and just get through the holidays.
You are thinking there is just not enough time left in the day for me. You also might be thinking, what would be the harm just putting off my plan until January? What would it hurt? I mean the holidays are more important ~ right?
If you are thinking that right now, STOP IT!!!!
There is nothing about the holiday season that is more important than you. Well except for Jesus' Birthday, religious and spiritual matters ~ you know what I mean! There is no reason or activity that should go before your weight loss and fitness plan.
With that said. The holidays are coming~ it's going to get busy and chaotic ~ we all know this. Take time today to start planning how you are going to get all of the things that you "need" to do for yourself first and then how are you going to get things done for the holidays.
For me I want to do it all. So I've got my lists going of the things that need to be done. Instead of scheduling full days to take care of everything, I do a little bit every day. So far, I'm busy, but not so busy I can't get things done for me.
I've also noticed that my plans don't always work out. People and things get in the way. I have found that I have to be able to shift gears and be flexible with my time. Also it helps to have a back up plan. If you can't get to the gym, take a walk around the block or on your treadmill. Plan your menus ahead of time. Have snacks in the car (we will be in them a lot!!). Drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep!!! We can do this!!!
I'm already starting to feel pressure and stress each day and I've been thinking about putting my plan on hold. I fight every day to keep focused. I have to remember that I'm worth all of this hard work. I'm worth it ~ even if I can't get everything else done. I don't care what happens, I'm going to get what I need for me done first ~ I'm worth it!!!!
Bottom line is....Don't put your plan off until January. Don't stop now and lose your momentum. Keep focused and push through. And don't ever give up!!!
Won't you be proud of yourself, if you make it through the holidays, still working your plan and losing weight? It might be the first time that you've not had to start a new weight loss and fitness plan in January. You will still be "WORKING" your plan. You don't have to start over! Yeah!!
Keep focused my friends!!! WE CAN DO THIS!!!!
Are you thinking about putting your weight loss and fitness plan on hold until January?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I went to the gym last night and this is what I saw.
There were lots of people who had taken the time out of their busy lives to come to the gym to work out. Don't know their stories, but I imagine there are tons of other things they would rather do. But there they were, in the gym....
Everybody in that place had a choice to make. They could spend their time pushing themselves to their limit or they could just can get by.
Last night I saw both sides. One lady was on the bike. She had her book and ear phones in ~ Multi-tasking!!! She started with a good pace and as she got into her book, there were moments when she would pause and literally stop peddling. Then she would get back to it. There was no look of determination, no grit or fire in her face ~ she looked bored. Kind of like she was on a park bench, not really noticing the beauty of the park, just sitting there watching the world fly past her! Missed what was right in front of her.
Then I notice HER.....She is about my height, well 5'4" if you don't know. She was wearing a lavender outfit ~ It was a latex skirt and halter top. It looked like a tennis outfit, can't describe it any better. Anyway she looked fantastic. She was running and had a look of determination on her face. I don't know how long she had been running, but she was all red faced and sweaty. Fatigue must have been setting in, because I heard her say, "Push through", "Do it", "Come on".... Then for fun she would do a few sparing jabs to break up the monotony. Can I say "ROCK STAR"?
After 30 minutes of running, she jumped off of the Treadmill and gets on an Eliptical machine. She works out on that for another 10 minutes and then jumps off of that machine and hits the weights.
This women is determined, you can see it all over her face. She had fire and purpose in what she was doing. She did not take her time lightly in the gym. She made things happen, she got the job done and she did it well!!!
I wanna be just like her!!
Please note, I am not judging others and I don't know their story, but I liken myself to the women on the bike. Most of the time, I'm there putting my time in. The days I work out with my trainer, I am just like my rock star friend in the lavendar suit. When I'm on my own, I'm more like my bike riding friend ~ there to put my time in.
I want to put the rock star momentum in all of my workouts. I want to be able to wear a cute workout suit, push myself to my limit, get the results that I desire, and be that example for others who want to be just like me.
Do you just put in your time at the gym, or do your push yourself to your limit?
Monday, October 4, 2010
My legs felt amazing!! They have never felt this good before. They feel so strong! When I was walking to the car, it did not even seem like my feet were hitting the ground. The feeling was so awesome!! This has never happened to me before. Makes me want more!!
Only lost 5 pounds since I weighed in with my trainer on 7/28/10. Yikes!!! Certainly not enough. I totally know what I did wrong and I know where I need to improve. One of the things that happened was I let life happen and I lost my focus! For a long while, I did not even realize I had lost it. Looking back over my book where I track everything, I can see where I fell down.
Inconsistent in journaling my food & calories and my calories were all over the place. Some weeks I only exercised a couple of times . Some days I did not get enough water. Prior posts show me that I was whiny! Sorry my friends....
This is not the person I want to be!!!
Sitting here I look up at my bulletin board and see my inspiration, or what was supposed to be my inspiration. The board is right where I sit when I am blogging. I've looked at that board every day. But during my times of trouble, I did not even see something that might have inspired me to push through and get back to my plan.
I have a purple post it note that says: Make a choice and move forward!!!!
I guess somewhere along the way, before I slipped too far from my plan, I made that choice. I am moving forward!!!
Told my trainer today, that I wanted to win the fitness challenge they have at the gym. Told her I don't even know what the prize is, but I'm gonna win it!!!
Working toward that goal everyday!!
How about you....do you need to make the choice to move forward?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Thanks to you, my super, supportive, wonderful friends, I'm back in the swing of things again because of your awesome support, love, and prayers. Today I feel hopeful and excited. I've got a new plan in place and I'm ready to go!!!
My summer bucket list was so successful, I decided to do one for the fall. I find these lists really help me stay organized as well as they are great reminders of all the fun I had. There is nothing worse then realizing in September, that you wanted to do fun things in the summer. Then you're bummed out because you missed the opportunity. I've done that for years and I finally got tired of wasting my time and missing out on some fun!
This past summer I had 15 items on my bucket list and I got 13 of them done. (See results below).
Here is my "NEW BUCKET LIST FOR THE FALL"....
1.) Start & Participate in the Fitness Challenge at the gym.
2.) Pumpkin Patches Every Weekend!
3.) Read 3 books.
4.) Take a Cookie Decorating Class.
5.) Take the Grand babies swimming.
6.) Have Harvest Party for family.
7.) Send Family Newsletter.
8.) Volunteer at the Union Gospel Mission.
9.) Cookie day with daughter & granddaughters.
10.) Arts & Crafts Day.
11.) Plant Fall Flowers.
12.) Run Like Hell – 5(k).
Here's my summer Bucket List. I had a BLAST!!!!!!!!!
1.) Sign up for one of the Dragon Boat Row Teams and row 2 days a week. Then enter at least one race. DID NOT GET THIS ONE DONE. I DID MY RESEARCH A LITTLE TOO LATE AND WAS NOT ABLE TO FIND A TEAM THAT WANTED A NEWBIE. THEY WERE ALREADY IN RACE MODE.
2.) Movie night on the deck. Set up our equipment in the backyard, get our blankies and watch movies. DONE!
3.) Go to the Farmer's Market on Tuesday nights! They have music, art and of course fresh fruits and veggies. It's a blast! DONE!
4.) Read 3 fun books. DONE ~ I ACTUALLY READ 16 BOOKS - THANK GOODNESS FOR THE LIBRARY!!!
5.) Sign up and attend a Ballroom Dance class ~ A Crash Course for Weddings. Get us ready for our sons wedding in September. DONE! SUPER FUN!!!
5.) Camp at least 2 times. (If we can't get to the recreation area, at least have a couple camp nights out on our deck - it's so much fun!!) DONE ~ WE HAD 3 CAMP TRIPS THIS YEAR!
6.) Take the family boating several times. Get the 2 1/2 year old Grand baby up on skis for the first time. DONE ~ SHE DID IT ~ OUR GRAND DAUGHTER ROCKS!
7.) Take a dinner cruise with some friends on the lake. DID NOT GET THIS DONE - JUST DID NOT HAVE TIME!
8.) Have a least 1 BBQ with our family at our house. DONE ~ A COUPLE OF TIMES!!
9.) Take the Grand babies swimming. DONE ~ A COUPLE OF TIMES!
10.) Go to the beach and fly our kites. DONE ~ HAD A BLAST!!!
11.) Go to a water park with my sister and her husband. DID NOT GET THIS ONE DONE ~ NO TIME OR MONEY!!
12.) Plan a shopping day with my daughter. DONE ~ THAT'S WHY I HAVE NO MONEY!
13.) Volunteer for a summer project with my church. DONE ~ THIS WAS A 2 MONTH PROJECT ~ COOKED HAMBURGERS & HOT DOGS, EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, FOR OUR CONGREGATION & THE HOMELESS COMMUNITY IN OUR AREA. SO AWESOME!
14.) Start a Bible study with my neighbor. DONE ~ STILL WORKING ON OUR LESSONS!
15.) Arts & Crafts Day. DONE ~ MADE SOME CARDS, PAINTED A WOODEN SIGN FOR MY CRAFT ROOM, MADE SOME BEADED BOOKMARKS.
I would highly recommend creating your very own Bucket List. It's so much fun looking back at the things that got accomplished. The fun things!!!
Did you start your list yet?