Startin' and a Stoppin' and a Startin' and a Stoppin'....It's a pattern!! Just check out my blog posts. Some times I stop focusing on my goals for just a few days, sometimes it's weeks, sometimes a couple of months and the last big one, was a year! I have allowed work, problems, laziness, illness, procrastination and many other reasons to stop my progress in my health journey.
.....I started the above post yesterday after feeling really frustrated that I had stopped, again! I had lost my mojo.... I had lost my way a little and was not doing the things I needed to do for myself. I forgot my goals. The post I had in mind, yesterday, was a post ripping myself apart and tearing myself down for being so weak willed, forgetful, slothful, etc.
Thankfully, I got distracted, so that post did not got out.
Today, I just happened to listen to another podcast with The Healthy Christian Women Podcast by Dr. Melody Stevens. (#34 Stop Dieting for Life). Now I was listening while working so I was not totally focused, but some things really crept in. There are a lot of nuggets in this message, but the biggest one that stood out, is that while I am walking through my health and fitness journey, the Lord is with me. He is doing a work and He is carving out things that need to go. Helping me get to my goal, all the while I'm getting closer and closer to Him. He is working on my heart and freeing me of all the life long stuff that I have been carrying around. He's doing a deeper work and refining me to be the woman He wants me to be. That's what He wants!!!
Me...I've wanted weight loss so I can fit into clothes off the rack. I want to run a marathon. I want to be well so I can do what I want to do. I have never really thought of what He wants for me or what He wants me to do. I just do stuff....
About 25 years ago, a sweet lady came to me at a Bible Study. At the time, I was a busy, working mom, juggling many things and was always at my limit....She said....I can remember this like it was yesterday. Anyway, she said, "Joy, God gave me a vision. He's sitting with His hands out. And in each hand He has a list. In one hand, the list is very long and in the other hand He had a short list." This woman said, "in the hand with the long list, is a list of all the good things that you want to do....for your family, friends, work etc. And in the other hand is a short list of all the things He asking you to do....." She said, "your list is so big that you cannot even see or consider His list....
Basically I was running myself ragged. Stressing out over all the "To Do" things. I was doing really good things, but I was just not listening to Him and what He wanted me to do.
Now people can say whatever they want and she probably wanted to just keep her mouth shut, but she spoke truth into my life that day. I have not forgotten those words and they keep coming back to me...Just like today.
I think I got my thinkin' focused on the wrong things. I think I need to be thinkin' about what He's trying to show me and is doing in my life. I need to ask Him what He wants me to do...(You have no idea how scary it is just typing that sentence out. Yikes!!!)
I think He's refining me, starting way back when with all that startin' and stoppin'. I do know that each time I come back, I am different...stronger....closer to my goal. Now if I would get out of my way and let Him guide me, things can really happen. Even at that Bible Study. He showed me that I have things to do and he's trying to remove "other" things that are getting in my way....
Right now...I'm super stressing about my health. I even wake up at night with night terrors....screaming out sometimes that I'm going to die because I'm not doing things right.
I can see that I've had this stress my entire life. And I guess, I am really tired of it. I am ready to surrender this to Him. I'm willing to wait for my healing, willing to be refined and ready to become the women He's designed me to be.
And I'm going to give myself some grace. Because I may see these starts and stops as weakness and failure. But I don't think He sees it that way. He's seeing a stronger, capable, determined woman coming out of her shell. A woman of God, that He created!
And that makes me pretty darn happy!!!
So excited to explore His List and to see what's next!!!!
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