Thursday, February 25, 2010

Destined to Fail?

Have you ever started a diet and exercise plan and failed? I have and I am really good at it. I've started many programs in the last 20 years. Each time I would experience 2 to 3 weeks of success only to crash and burn, and then my most excellent plan dies in flames. Then whatever weight loss I would have achieved, would quickly be gained back and then some. Frustration, sadness and depression would set in and it would be months or even years before I would try again. I have dieted myself up to over 273 pounds. I guess if I've had success, it would be that I am really good at failing to achieve my weight loss dreams and goals and I am really good at gaining weight.

My earliest diet plan involved starvation and running. I did great for a while, got shin splints, got discouraged and quit. I slowly gained back the weight and hit the 200 pound mark. Then I tried a weight loss plan where you buy program food and do their program counseling. I did pretty well with that, lost 40 pounds, thought I had learned enough to keep it off, stopped the program and gained that weight back plus 26 more pounds. Then I did a "low carbohydrate" diet and started swimming. Lost 18 pounds, was doing great. Then I got a really bad case of swimmers ear. Quit everything, gained back the 18 pounds and then I slowly went up to 250 pounds. Next I tried a "no fat" diet and tried a variety of exercises, lost 10 pounds and got sick with Strider (a breathing problem). Got knocked off my plan again. I gained the 10 pounds back and when I started my next weight loss plan I was at 274 pounds (the magic number).

Last year I was totally determined. Not only was I dieting, I was exercising, journaling my food, getting my water in. I was determined ~ I was going to do it!! Then while I was at my water aerobics class I thought I had had a stroke. I went through 5 months of doctor visits and tests to find out that I have Hemi Facial Spasms (Random illness). I had lost about 10 pounds during this time. But then again, the weight crept back up to 274 pounds.

Finally January of 2010 came around. For the first time, I felt like the blinders had come off. I had clarity. I knew what I needed to do. I came up with a simple and clear eating plan (not a diet), found several exercises that I love to do (water aerobics, swimming, treadmill, and biking), continued journaling my food including calories, actually got in all my water, found an accountability partner, made a focus poster and started my plan. I was doing great until about 3 weeks ago. One day my knee hurt so bad, that I could not walk. After a trip to the ER I found that I had damaged my knee, due to exercise over use! UGH! This is exactly the kind of thing that would bump me off of my plan. However this time, I decided that I was not going to let it happen to me again. So I faithfully did everything my doctor told me to do - I rested, I iced, I went to my physical therapy, I did my exercises. I am going to persevere!!! This time things were a little different. I kept going and did the things I COULD DO until my injury was healed. I still journaled my food and calories, I drank water, I had a great attitude, I lifted weights...I lifted weights...I lifted weights. Four days ago I was sent to ER again, due to a pain in my chest. The doctors thought I had had a heart attack. NOPE.....I have a Chest Wall Contusion...due to exercise over use - LIFTING WEIGHTS!!! AUGH!!!

Am I discouraged, am I sad, am I depressed? NO!!. I AM DETERMINED!!!

The Blessings...I have learned so much. I am weak in my body, but I have learned I can strengthen it. Even with set backs I have learned that I can press on ~ I don't have to quit! Seems these recent set backs have made me more determined. I have a great family and friends and I have a ton of support and encouragement. I AM LOVED! I now believe that I am worth it and I have confidence that I WILL DO THIS!!

Next step: Personal Trainer? What do you think?



  1. I believe in you! I know you can do. And because I know YOU can do that means I can do as well. Thank you Joy for your little nuggets of wisdom!

  2. Hi Nellybellybug, How is your weight loss progress? What are your goals for weight loss / exercise? I am praying for your success!! Hugs!!

  3. I just found your blog through your comments on my blog. I always go back and read the first post of a blogger that's new to me.

    You sound exactly like me. Been there, done that...over and over again.

    This time sounds different for you, and hopefully me too. :)

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