Friday, April 30, 2010

Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone

It's one thing to write a blog and share your story when no one knows who you are. It's another to invite someone out for coffee. I am not really one to reach out to others ~ especially if they are people who are hurting or in need of my time. I have always felt like I had nothing to give and/or I did not have the time or energy to spend with people.

Well I am on my way out of my comfort zone. I've asked a gal from church to go to coffee with me. I am ready to spill my story to her and see if I can offer my support for her needs. We are planning to meet next week!

I'm stepping out ~ how about you? Think about it~


Another First

Last night we had chicken and a whole lot of vegetables for dinner. Everything was so flavorful and filling, I was quite satisfied with my meal. Just this morning I realized for the first time in my life, I actually ate a meal and did not even think about rice or bread. Amazing!!

I think I've crossed over to making good food decisions.

What about you?


Monday, April 26, 2010


I cannot measure my journey alone with just weight loss, exercise or journaling. For me, I have to work on the whole package ~ including my mind! I had something happen to me, yesterday that triggered me in an old familiar way. My daughter and I went to church together and when we left we had two babies, two Bibles, a ton of purses and bags and trash to take care of. On our way out, I just happened to peek back to see if there was anything left for us to take. I did notice a black towel looking thing, but it did not look familiar so I did not say anything.

Last night my daughter called to see if, by chance, I had picked up her $50 cloth baby carrier. Well I wanted to say no, but I had to confess that I saw it laying on the floor, but did not realize it was hers. We left it at church. I was so disappointed for her!!

After the phone call was over, all these feelings of inadequacy started to boil up. I've experienced them numerous times, and when I get these feelings, I hear a voice in my head that says; "You are so stupid, you should have known".

I heard these very words the first time when I was four years old. (Be careful parents, kids remember what you say). I was camping with my family and I was down by the water. It was really shallow. I was walking along the bank and I came across a gold fish. It looked like the ones you buy at the pet store for a buck. It was big and really pretty. I ran my four year old body up the hill, yelling at the top of my lungs, that there was a gold fish in the water. I was so excited! I remember my dad saying to me, "Why didn't you catch it, why are you so stupid?" I felt so deflated and my joy went right out the window. I remember, at four years old, wondering why I did not know that I could catch the fish. With having no experience with any type of wildlife, I remember trying to reason it out and thought I should have known that it was possible that I could catch a fish with my bare hands.

In my past, every time feelings like this come up, I would always, always, always, turn to food to help soothe my hurting heart. Tears are flowing now, remembering how hurtful that was and how much that one event had such a life long effect on me. Every time I think I should have known something my inner thought is; 'HOW CAN YOU BE SOOO STUPID ~ YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!'

I have to tell you that I have really struggled with keeping my mind clear and in my 49 year old body. I have had to talk myself out of thinking that I was four again and that I'm not stupid. I have replayed this situation over and over and over in my mind and I've had to tell myself that I was not really responsible for the baby carrier. The key here is, I TALKED TO MYSELF, I did not MEDICATE MYSELF WITH FOOD. This is monumental for me!!

After some time, I was able to work through the feelings and put them where they belong. I realized that I am not stupid and the baby carrier thing is just something that happened. No reflection on me!! I MADE IT WITHOUT HURTING MYSELF WITH FOOD!!

Once everything calmed down and I was feeling pretty good about things again, I received a phone call from my daughter and she told me that someone had found the carrier at church and is holding it for her.

What a Blessing!!

What feelings do you have from your childhood that you still carry? Will you let them go?


Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Word "Watch" - Nothing About Weight Loss or Is It?

As I am writing this, I don't think that this post is going to be about weight loss or fitness. I am literally sitting here waiting for the words to flow...

I don't know what it is about the word "watch". (Not a timepiece or clock - but to see) Every time I see the word in print (especially in the Bible) or I hear the word, I get a "stirring" inside me and feelings rise up in me that I cannot really explain. I just know the word is significant.

This obsession with the word started back in July 1999 when my daughter wrote me a note that said, "I'll watch for you on the water". (We were planning to listen to a concert from our boat on the Willamette waterfront) Since then I have been very sensitive to the word. (I still have the note)

Today in my Bible study the word popped up again. And again the stirring and feelings are at high peak! So I decided to look up the definition:

From Merriam-Webster Dictionary
intransitive verb
~ keep vigil as a devotional exercise
~ to be attentive or vigilant
~ to keep guard
~ to keep someone or something under close observation
~ to be expectant : wait
transitive verb
~ to keep under guard
~ to observe closely in order to check on action or change
~ to look at : observe : to look on at
~ to take care of : tend b : to be careful of
~ to be on the alert for : bide
~ watch it : look out : be careful
~ watch one's step : to proceed with extreme care : act or talk warily
~ watch over : to have charge of : superintend

Wow I guess it does apply to my weight loss and fitness journey and so much more. I know that I need to be watchful of this journey because there are many watching me. That sounds weird to say. But I am beginning to realize that my journey is bigger than I think and I need to be very careful on how I proceed and how I direct my path. Because what I do and say matters to many. I have a responsibity to do what I am called to do and that is to be obediant to the Lord, to myself and to you, to be faithful to the things the Lord has given me, to continue on with my journey and to reach the goal. No matter what!

Do you have someone watching you?

Friday, April 23, 2010


I have been in preparation for my Colonoscopy and Endoscopy tests today. I have not be able to eat since Wednesday night ~ it's Friday at 8:04am. I will not be able to eat until tonight. I am hungry!

This process has made me think about some things. Here I have spent a lot of time blogging about my fat (because I eat too much food) and how I'm trying to get thin. Since I have experienced this temporary hunger and you know that I've not gone there too often, I realize that hunger is a terrible thing. I am feeling a little guilty because obviously I've had more than my fair share of food, while others have gone without. Ouch!

This experience has brought me something new. Maybe the Lord is doing something new in me. He is definitely talking to me about hunger. Even my new Bible study is talking about it. Day One the heading says - Are you Hungry? Of course the Bible study is talking about being hungry for the Lord. Right now my tummy is talking about being hungry for food.

There are many people in our own neighborhoods who are going without food right now. Even in America! If you watch TV you see the ads about hunger in our own country. It's terrible!

My challenge to you is ~ give generously to those in need of food. Give food to your neighborhood food bank, take a meal to people in need, give food to the Post Office food drive, give money to the guy or gal on the street begging for food (They may be buying booze with it ~ but give it to them anyway ~ you don't really know what the Lord will do with your gift to that person), send money to the food bank, volunteer at the food bank, sponsor a food drive at your work ~ do what you can to help a hungry nation.

Give starvation a try ~ you will soon see what I'm talking about ~ you will be motivated to help where you can.

What can you do to help others in need? DO IT!


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Baby Steps, Determination and Patience

The secret to my success so far has been Baby Steps, Determination and Patience. If you would have told me four months ago that I would be journaling my food and water, counting calories, working out 5-6 days per week, working with a trainer and a nutritionist and writing a Blog I would have told you, you were crazy!

But here I am.

The only way I'm here is because of baby steps. When deciding to do this, if I would have looked at the whole picture, of what new changes I had to make, I would have given up even before I started. There were just too many things to change or add to my day. It would have seemed impossible. But you know I just took one thing at a time. Baby steps to journaling, baby steps to calorie counting, baby steps to exercise ~ you get the idea. Before I knew it, I'm doing everything I need to do for my health and it's now my routine. It's what I do. So that's the first step. (In telling this, I kind of felt like Bill Murray in his role in the Movie "What About Bob")

The next thing is determination. When things get tough, my new motto is to "Grit It Out ~ No Matter What!!" Nothing is going to deter me from this goal. Not even a lack of time, money or energy. Not injuries, frustrations or failure. Not work, church activities, family, friends or neighbors will do it. My grand babies could not even knock me off my plan, I am that determined. Well OK they might be able to bump me off a little. They are pretty cute!

I have not had a lot of success with weight loss, so I am no expert here, but I wonder about people who have worked really hard to lose a significant amount of weight only to have gained it all back, plus some. How can that happen and will it happen to me? I wonder if the reason they went back to their old life style is because they lost their determination? I will have to remember this!! I don't want to lose my determination and I never, ever, ever want to go back!

The other thing that I've been thinking about is, in the past, I would have stopped doing everything I'm doing by now because I've not lost the 100+ pounds that I need to lose. It's only been 4 months, (Unrealistic achievement I know, but that's how I used to think). In the past I would have stopped by now and gone back to my old eating habits and inactivity because the journey is too long and too hard. I am wondering what has kept me going this time. I have been amazed that I have stayed on track this whole time. I think this time, I have found patience. I know it took me a very long time to gain all this weight and I know that it will take me some time to get it off and to keep it off. This time I have a peace and assurance that I will make it to the end.

What is your path to your success? Think about it!


Whatever It Takes

I met a young women at the gym yesterday who has a very large amount of weight to lose. She was on the rowing machine next to me. I was a little envious of her because I am not able to use the machine because of my knee. I decided to ask her how she liked it. She said it was her favorite one in the bunch. (I knew it would be ~ Since I am a rower girl wannabe ~ I knew it would be great!)

Anyway we starting talking about our weight loss and fitness journey and she told me that she too started working on her weight loss this past January. Said she kind of dilly dallied with things until she went to the latest Biggest Loser TV Show tryouts. Since it's my favorite show, I was really interested in hearing how it turned out. She told me that it was very interesting and hard. It was not so much the waiting in line and things you have to do to audition for the show, but it was really hard seeing so many really big people there who were trying out for the show. People so desperate to lose weight and get fit!

My new friend has a lot of weight to lose, but she said that this experience was a huge wake up call for her, it helped show her that if she did not get her weight under control now, she would be a lot worse off very soon. The whole experience inspired her to really get moving this time to get the weight off and get fit. She said she did not even have to get on to the show to get started, that this experience was inspiring enough to get it done. Amazing!

I know by the look in her eye and her new determination that she will make this happen. She got her wake up call.

What will it take to wake you up? Has it happened yet?


Tuesday, April 20, 2010


OK I have to be honest, I've really been struggling with my health. My knees hurt so bad I can hardly walk, I have had chronic ear pain for a year and I have low energy. It has been a struggle to get everything done for my health. I have literally pushed through everything. Sometimes without joy. So this morning, in my devotions, I found the following:

From In Touch ~ (April 2010)
Read Acts 14:21-22
If you want a meaningful life, you will at times travel the road of adversity. However, every hardship in your path has a specific purpose. Our Father allows pain and trials into His good plan for our life (Rom 8:28).

When we are facing dark times, the first word that comes to mind is usually Why? God welcomes our questions but challenges us to obey Him, even when we don't get answers (Prov. 3:5-6). In fact, we may have to wait months or years before knowing the purpose behind a trial. Sometimes the answers don't come at all in this lifetime.

Joseph spent 13 harsh, dark years in Egypt. He faced betrayal, separation from loved ones, and culture shock followed by slavery, false accusations, and prison time. His only evidence of a sovereign, loving God was that he consistently prospered, even during times of trouble.

Everything Joseph endured prepared him for a job as Egypt's Prime Minister. While still a boy, he learned the language, culture, and mindset of a foreign nation. Moreover, the man who emerged from hardship was the Lord's disciplined, faithful servant. In the end, Joseph was positioned to save more than a country; he rescued God's chosen people - the family tree of Jesus Christ, the Messiah.

Living in the center of the Lord's love doesn't guarantee an easy, pain-free life. In fact, the opposite is true. God loves believers so much that He conforms each one to His Son's likeness through any means necessary. In His expert hand, we become servants whose victories and trials glorify Him.

Then the next thing I came across in my devotionals was this from New Day New You by Joyce Meyer.

This Too, Shall Pass
In this life whatever exists now, or will exist in the future, is not permanent but temporary. The good news is, no matter how dismal our current situation or outlook, we are assured by God, "This too, shall pass."

Life is a continual process in which everything is constantly changing. If we can grasp that truth, it will help us make it through the difficult times in which we find ourselves. It will also help us not to hold on too tightly to the good times, thinking, If I ever lose all this, I just can't make it. God wants us to enjoy all of life ~ not just its destination but also the trip itself.

I am choosing to enjoy the trip ~ How about you?


Monday, April 19, 2010

Am I Doing This Wrong?

Recently I have noticed that there are some people who are achieving great weight loss success will little effort, so it seems. I was reading an article about a lady who lost 62 pounds. Here's what it said, "Finally believing in herself, XXX began to exercise and eat healthful, organic food—and before she knew it, she had lost 62 pounds!" Is that all I have to do?

My sweet husband has a terrible diet (eats too much and then starves) and he's just started his exercise program ~ he's already lost 35+ pounds. Does this plan work for you? Doesn't for me.

Then I was talking with my daughter this past weekend and she knows someone that can lose 9 pounds in a week. I've never been able to do that!! Can you?

And here I am just plodding along. I have had to work really hard ~ EVERY DAY!! I workout 5 mornings per week and I do 2 nights of cardio and weights, 1 night of water aerobics, 1 night of biking or something fun and then I try to get something in on the weekends. In addition, I track all my food, keeping within my calorie budget, drink my water, journal my food, go to the personal trainer, go to the nutritionist..... Seems like a lot and I've only lost 30 pounds.

Do you think after I'm done losing my weight, I will look back on this process and thinks it was easy? Kind of like when you give birth you forget what the pain is like. Is this what will happen? Just wondering...

Personally I don't think this process is easy for everyone. Some of us will have to fight our way out of fat. We are going to have to focus and be diligent every day without fail. Yes many of us will have set backs, disappointments and discouraging times. But I believe if we don't give up and fight until the end, our success will be so powerful! We will feel great and be able to do many things. The best thing is we will really be able to help people just like us. We will have the right words to say, because we've been there!! We will be able to help them on their journey to fitness. We will have stories to tell for sure. I can't wait!!

I will push through to the end ~ How about you?


Sunday, April 18, 2010

You Can't or You Don't Want To?

More insight from Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser. Can't say it any better.

When it comes to diet and exercise, I forbid you to ever use the phrase: I can't. I'm telling you, there's no such thing! There might be "I don't want tos," but there are absolutely no "I can'ts" from here on out.

Why am I being so hard on you about this? Because I know you can! In fact, I promise that you can do anything you want in this life — if you want it bad enough.

The next time you start to say "I can't," stop yourself and instead say the "antidote" statement, which is "I can." I can lose weight. I can start to exercise. I can get control of my life.

Think about what might be causing you to feel defeated before you even begin, and tackle those negative feelings or memories or harsh life lessons. You have the power to take your life back. Soon you'll see the evidence that you can accomplish your goals, that you are strong and intelligent, and that you deserve everything wonderful that life has to offer. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, kid!

Do you think you can do it? You can!!


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

How to Get Started and Stay Focused

You know this whole weight loss and fitness process is funny. When I first started I thought I was pioneering a new thing. I thought I would be the one who would gain some insight on this whole thing, help spread the word and change a nation. I imagined I would write a book that would help guide people to the "freedom of fat". Well after reading some blogs, books, magazines, listening to TV and radio, reading emails from fitness people, meeting people who've already reached their goals and from watching The Biggest Loser ~ I realized that I am not quite the "weight loss" pioneer as I thought I would be.

I am not the first, the most talented, or even the smartest one out there and I have not even reached my weight loss and fitness goals, yet people are starting to ask me "How did I get started and how do I stay focused?" Amazing!!

Well....What got me started ~ Is I finally decided that it was time for me!!! That I was worth the time, the effort and the money to get this done. I am learning how to say "no" when I need to and I am learning how to prioritize my life so I can get everything done. (This is still a process) Even with the many setbacks and injuries ~ I just keep going ~ staying focused ~ no matter what!

What keeps me going ~ I thought I was brilliant because I had figured this much out by myself, that accountability is key!! I have saturated myself with it!! Here's my list: I am accountable to the Lord, I have given my plan and my body to him. I ask him for his guidance and wisdom each day. He really sees everything!! I am accountable to my sweet husband. He's great because he sees things too and he lovingly keeps me focused and on track. Most importantly, I listen to him and do what he says. I don't ever, ever, ever get offended by what he says. He only wants the best for me!! I am accountable to my kids and grandkids, because I want to be a great example to them and most importantly, I want to be here for them. I am accountable to my friend in Texas who asks me frequently how things are going. She speaks the truth, even if I don't want to hear it. She's watching! I am accountable to everyone at work, they are watching me and are inspired. Many are on their own journey, losing weight and getting fit. I am accountable to my friends who are on the same journey with me, they are watching me!! I am accountable to the new friends I meet at the pool, in the grocery line, walking on the street, at church, etc. People are watching me and I want to be an inspiration to them ~ I can't stop!!

While I was thinking about this I received an email from Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser. We are friends you know :-) Anyway this is what she had to say about the matter of accountability:

Is there someone in your life who wants to change his or her life and get healthy? Do you have a friend, coworker, or relative with similar goals whose company you enjoy? Misery loves company, but so do strength and resolve.

Remember the buddy system in the scouts? Same idea here — you create a support system and hold one another accountable. Whether at home or in the gym, having the right person (or group of people) to share your frustrations and progress with is one heck (I did a little editing for Jillian, she needs to work on her potty mouth - I'll talk to her about that) of a motivator.

Without a doubt, pairing up has its advantages. Say you've been talking forever about taking a killer abs class at your gym. Your friend has agreed to try it out with you, and you've both put it on your calendars. The day of the class comes — and it's raining, work was awful, and you just do not want to go. Well, TOO BAD! You made a promise to someone. Working out with a partner is accountability at its best. If someone else is depending on you, it's that much harder to blow it off.

If working out regularly is a big change for you, the more you can stack the deck in your favor, the better. Having a familiar face nearby and knowing that person is feeling the burn right along with you can be just the trick to help you stick with it. That support can be an incredible motivator.

It's Joy again. See I don't really have to write anything new, it's already been said many, many, many times. But the nice thng is, we are all thinking the same thing, we all want to be fit and healthy. Great minds think alike. And with these great minds we are getting together, sharing the news, walking the talk and we all have hope to inspire a nation to change and achieve FREEDOM FROM FAT!!

Do you have an accountability system in place? Think about it!!


Monday, April 12, 2010

Do It Anyway

I saw the most amazing thing yesterday while I was at the gym. After my workout, I was leaving the locker room and noticed a lone figure in the cycling room. The room was semi-dark and I noticed this person on the bike, peddling like crazy. After closer scrutiny, I realized the person was a woman. She was totally absorbed in her music and focused on pushing herself to the fullest. Then I noticed she was wearing a sling on her arm.

This woman did not let adversity stop her from achieving her fitness dream. She did not give up and she did not use the injury as an excuse to not work out. She gritted it out and did it anyway.

That is the attitude we should adopt and implement into all aspects of our lives. To obtain an orderly life, to keep our sanity, and to achieve our goals and dreams, it is necessary to grit out everything that needs to be done to reach our goals and have success in our life!!

What have you had to grit through ~ how did it make you feel ~ Powerful!!!


Saturday, April 10, 2010

Feeling Better

Everyday I'm feeling a little bit better, a little bit stronger. I am grateful! It's been hard staying on the plan when I have not had any energy. But I DID IT! It's hard to exercise, journal food, drink water and even to eat when you do not have energy (not to mention the other things you have to do to live). It's a struggle. But I DID IT!! And I will continue to do it. I won't give up!

I am praying for you right now, you have no energy or direction, you are right where I was. I pray the Lord will touch you right now and energize your body, your mind and your spirit. I pray for clear direction, energy, and clarity of mind. You can do it!!!

Start your plan today!!


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Setbacks Stink

OK this is ridiculous!!! Another setback. When I had my chest wall contusion, the hospital did blood work. They were checking to see if I had had a heart attack. Of course I didn't, but unfortunately they found that my iron is really low. My doctor recommended I go to a specialist (Endocrinologist). Well I went today and got the scoop. He said they are concerned because I could have a number of things....Ulcers, Crohn's Disease, irritable bowel syndrome or cancer. Or it just could be from taking too much Advil. Geez!! (Probably the case!)

Then I am still fighting the side effects of the cholesterol medicine, still very tired and I am still having eye ticks. I have about 60 per hour. They don't hurt, but are very distracting. Plus I look weird!!!!

I am not wavering from my plan, but I am a little deflated. Seems I take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I really want to move past all of this medical stuff and start feeling better. I have literally had everything looked at from head to toe ~ from x-rays, MRI's, EEG's, EKG's, Ultrasounds, CAT Scans, Endoscopy,
colonoscopy, blood work and doctors visits and doctors visits and doctors visits. Over a years worth of time has been taken to get all of this done. I am so done with medical tests & doctors!!

When, not if, I get this weight off, I will have some stories to tell!!! I will continue on and push through until the end!!

What will you do to push through your setbacks?


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

It Can Happen!!

Tonight I met an amazing woman at the pool. Her name is Emily and she has lost 77 pounds since July 2009. She is 23 years old and has been over weight her whole life. Her wake up call came last year when her doctor told her that she would have to start taking medicine for her high blood pressure and if she did not get her weight under control, she could end up with Diabetes. That was enough for her. She got busy and developed her plan.

It's a simple plan ~ she started a food journal, got her calories under control, started working with a trainer and started exercising. She went from being sedentary to being able to run 3 miles. She says she has more energy and a new zest for life!!

I asked her what has been her biggest struggle so far. She said eating out. For her it's a social thing. Her friends don't really understand why she can't eat and drink what she wants. It's a struggle to go out and she says she would rather stay home and cook for herself. Says is better anyway, she can eat "good" food and knows exactly what she's eating.

She looks great!! She says that she knows she's an inspiration to others and loves encouraging people in their journey.

Do you believe it can happen for you?


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Now More Than Ever!

Went to the beach with my husband this weekend. We had a fabulous time!! For the first time ever, I actually planned my food, ensuring that I would have success, even during vacation time!! I never do this!! We left Friday morning and I made sure that I had a good breakfast. We planned a healthy snack, knowing that we would have a high calorie dinner - I wanted fish & chips!!! I totally enjoyed the fish, my salad with the low cal dressing on the side, my water with lemon and savored my select 9 chips (fries). I really like the small crunchy ones! I bet there were 40+ fries on my plate. In the old days I would have eaten every one of them including a ton of catsup and dessert! While I was waiting for our food, I looked out the window and noticed there were a lot of heavy people there who moved really slow. They were smoking, drinking coffee & sodas and eating ice cream (it was freezing there, don't know what they were thinking) and they were carrying bags of Carmel corn, popcorn, elephant ears and salt water taffy. I also noticed while I was at the restaurant; the family next to us had a table full of fruity, sugary drinks, appetizers and plates of food everywhere. When they left, there was nothing left. The family just slugged out of their seats and moved ever so slowly toward the door. It was awful!!!

Take a moment and watch people, you will see what I mean. You know I'm not judging, but come on people, help yourselves!!!!

I have to tell you that I prayed the whole weekend. Every time I would see a large person I prayed for the Lord to intervene and help them. I prayed He would put healthy people in their path to help show them the way. I prayed He would give them the focus, just like He did for me, to get on a healthy path and to stay on it. (I know that I cannot do this on my own) It pains me so to see what we are doing to ourselves. Yeah our food source is probably not the best, but we can certainly help ourselves by not adding more crap to our bodies. We do have control over that!!

The other thing....Why do restaurants think it's necessary to put so much food on our plates. Granted we don't have to eat it, but what is the point? We went to our favorite place, Camp 18, for clam chowder. I ordered a bowl of chowder and a slice of bread. (I planned my day so I could enjoy this meal.) When I got my clam chowder, the bowl was as big as a pasta platter and one order of bread had 2 huge slices. I bet there was a minimum of 500 calories just for the bread and butter alone. Augh!! Needless to say, I took a doggie bag home for later.

I remember when I was a kid, I was the minority because I was the only fat one in the crowd. I used to think it would be great if it was the other way around. Now I'm in the majority because there are so many fat people in the crowd. I have to tell you, this does not make me feel any better. I don't want to be here and I don't want others to be here either!!! I want us all to get healthy!!!

Now more than ever, I want to get this weight off and keep it off. I need to because I want to help others and make a difference in this world!! I want to be the example for many to follow. Now more than ever I am focused on my goals and I am not going to stop until they are achieved!!

What do you want ~ now more than ever?