Thursday, September 30, 2010

What's it gonna take?

My friend Paula @ Paulawannacracker, had this awesome post today and asked this question:

What grade would you give your *efforts* for staying on track?

Well I would give myself a D-....

I do some things right, but many things wrong....Lately, I'm just not willing to put the whole package together and I'm not sure why!

Some of you out there rock! You're making big stuff happen!!!! How do you do it? How do you have time to do everything you need to do. How do you stay focused? How do you remember everything? How do you set a goal and hit it?

I exercise 5-6 days per week and I work really hard. I eat a clean diet for "most" of the day and then I usually blow it. Won't stay out of stuff. As I'm writing, I keep wanting to say "can't", but the reality is I just won't do what I have to do, I won't focus, I won't! It's frustrating!

Why, at this point, with having some success, would I choose to struggle now? What is the deal?

I have said that I would like to lose 20 pounds by Christmas and I just joined a challenge at my gym, where if I'm the big loser I could win some prizes. I would love to do this, but if I don't get it together it will never happen. What does it take to make goals happen?

Anybody been here? Any suggestions? Is this a seasonal this this a set back (well obviously)....Am I doomed?

Any thoughts?

I have to say, that I've been able to answer these questions. Obviously I'm capable, I've lost 51 pounds so far. But right now my head is fuzzy on how to push through this. It's almost like...yesterday I could tell you how to do this and today I don't have a clue.....Like there's nothin's in my noggin'. Does that make sense? It's perplexing. Maybe I'm tired. Not sure what's up. Just feeling really lost right now.

Chris I need a %&$ kickin' just about now!


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Changing Seasons...

January 2010 I started my health and fitness journey. It's such an easy time to get started on a health plan, because every body's doing it. OK well a lot of people start their plan, go to the gym, buy exercise equipment and so on. So it's a great time to get started!

I got through the winter months and did pretty well with my plan. Surprisingly I was still focused when Spring hit and slid into summer without a problem.

Fall's here and I'm struggling!! Comfort food is calling my name and I'm starting to listen. I am so craving stew and cornbread, stroganoff, chili and soup. I know I can make these things low fat, meatless and I can use whole grain noodles. But that's not what I want ~ I want the real deal!!

The other time!! Tuesday's are my water aerobics day. So last night, I get home from work and I totally forgot about my class. Did not even think about it until it was almost over. Truth be told....I had a fabulous night. Did what I wanted to do. I lit the candles, turned on all of my mood lighting, paid some bills, folded laundry and then watched the Biggest Loser. I had a great night! I really had fun, all hunkered down in my cozy home...But I forgot about my class!!!

Then tonight I wanted to go to the gym, but by the time I got home, I started losing my enthusiasm. Then hubby came home, making it even harder to leave. He said, "Well, why don't you stay home, you can go to the gym tomorrow." I thought about it for about a minute.....and decided to go!!!

So glad I did. I had a great workout!!!

The other thing that I'm struggling with is, I find that I'm needing to go to bed earlier and I'm having a hard time waking up on time. So frustrating!!!

We are barely into fall...and Christmas is just around the corner and I'm am struggling....I am worried with the busyness of everything and the desire to stay at home, that I will abandon my plan....Yikes!

Fortunately I did do something that may help....I joined a fitness challenge at my gym. It starts next Monday. Part of the deal is I get a nutrition class scheduled in October, a holiday survival class scheduled in November and a stress management class scheduled in December. I get a free body comp and 1 free hour with my trainer. Whoever loses the most weight by the end of December gets a prize. I am pretty excited about this...I think it would be so awesome to win this contest!!! I hope this will get me energized and help me get through the holidays!

Anyway, my question to you is.....what do you do when you struggle with the changing of the seasons? How do you stay on your plan, when you would really like to be doing something else?


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Is you driver's license accurate?

I just checked my driver's license and I am finally smaller than the weight listed on the card!

I know I'm weird, 20 plus years ago, when I got my Oregon license, I listed my real weight which was 228 pounds.

When the licensed was renewed last year I was over 273 pounds and the DMV person did not say a thing about changing it to the correct weight....I was probably the joke of the day. I can just hear them talking about the really fat lady trying to pull off that she was 228 pounds, when I was clearly a lot heavier than that!

Won't be long before I will need to get a new license!! Too bad, I actually like the picture on this one.

Have you checked your license lately? Have you lost so much weight that you have to get a new one?


Monday, September 27, 2010

Trying to find balance

I am up 2.4 pounds. Why you might ask? Poor planning, self indulgence and it's fall time!!

I absolutely love the fall. My house has been decorated for fall since the middle of September! I love the food, weather, smells and the cozy days and nights!!

This weekend our son and his new bride came home to visit. Of course that means a party right? So last week I went shopping for all of the food and goodies for this "event"! I filled my shopping cart with yummy goodness and displayed it on the belt for the cashier to check me out. I was mortified by what I saw. I thought, this load of food and goodies does not look like it belongs to someone who is trying to lose weight and get fit. Yeah there were some veggies and some healthy things, but the bulk of it was junk food!

But it's fall, that means I must buy candy and goodies right. I mean I need my comfort food!!!

Well I did the damage. I bought everything. Came home and displayed my love for the family with Mama's "love" language ~ Goodies & Sweets! We had candy corn ~ only because I have this glass pumpkin that is so cute when it it full of the stuff. Fortunately I don't like candy corn and will only eat them in a case of emergency. I hope to never get that desperate ~ They are yucky, but oh so cute! Then of course we had sour candies for my boys, M&M's for the grand baby. and Carmel just in case we wanted to make Carmel apples. Well that not so bad, except....

I also wanted to make cupcakes for my grand daughter. She likes to help me decorate, so I bought two cake mixes. I wanted to make 24 cupcakes so everybody could take some home. So I made up my "TWO" cake mixes and finally read the box and realized that each box makes 24 cupcakes. We ended up with over 48 cupcakes!!! YIKES!!!!

Well I do have a little common sense left....Up to that moment I had not had any sweets yet, so I still had a brain. So I bagged up the left over cupcakes and threw them in the freezer and we frosted 24 for the family. My grand daughter is 2 1/2 and she helped me decorate them. I can't believe she stayed with me the whole time. They were beautiful!!

Then we went to the apple farm. Can I tell you that I did lose my mind there! We bought the most beautiful, huge, crispy apples, and we bought some candied somethings...I don't even know what they are, but they were good and we bought candy coated Carmel. Fortunately, instead of diving into the sweets right away, I decided to tackle an apple first. It was delicious!! By the time I was done with it, I no longer craved the other sweets. Whew!!! But I ended up only having a couple and I was done (Usually, we eat half a bag of goodies even before we get home) So there is some progress!!!!

That night we had a wonderful dinner. A culinary delight I might add. My son and hubby are quite the cooks. We had Jamaican Jerk BBQ'd Chicken with sauteed Mushrooms, a Veggie medley of carrots, sweet peas, onions and garlic, rice pilaf, cheddar biscuits and pumpkin bars for dessert. The evening weather was wonderful and warm. We lit our canopy lights, fire pit and table candles. The atmosphere was amazing. Everything pulled together so well, the texture and taste of the food, the atmosphere and company, well it was indescribable ~ I had a blast!! (OK I'm back now!!!)

So needless to say, I'm up 2+ pounds. The extra food did not help, but I also did not exercise for 3 days and forgot to take my meds ~ which can account for a pound or so.

Yesterday, I gathered the left over candy, put it in a box for next time and put it on a high shelf, way out of my reach and I froze the left over pumpkin bars, cupcakes, oh and I forgot that I made poppy seed muffins too. They all went into the freezer. Thankfully once something is out of sight I forget about it, as long as I keep myself well fed with healthy things.

I'm back on task today, already exercised and had my oatmeal, worked half a day and had a great healthy lunch. I will keep focused and remember how I feel today, so that the next time, I will prepare and handle myself better so that I don't set myself up for these little set backs.

Getting through this first food eating event was difficult. How do you handle them?


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Cherry on Top Award

Thank you wholeheartedly for this blog award from my friends Traci and Sinn. I so appreciate you both for thinking of me and honoring me with this award.

I encourage you my friends, to check out their blogs. These ladies are really accomplishing much in their journey to health and fitness. I know you will be Blessed getting to know them!!! They have truly Blessed my life!!

Ok, so the deal with this award is that I need to:

1. Answer the question:
If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

I wish I would have taken the opportunity to know the Lord well before I was 36 years old. I would love to see where I would be in my life if I would have listened to Him and did things His way instead of my own way..... I might have made better choices and maybe saved myself some grief!

2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.

Lori Lynn at Sunflower Daisies

3. You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award. (See above)

Have a Blessed day!


Saturday, September 25, 2010

I think my mind is playing tricks on me....

Have you ever been in denial? When I was 274 pounds I thought I looked pretty good, thought I was healthy and just a "little" over weight.

So the reality of my plight showed itself to me and I realized that I was as big as 2 people. My body was breaking down and I was heading for some really serious health problems.

I've lose 51 pounds so far....and things are changing so fast for me that my head is spinning.

I think I have reverse denial!!!! My mind is playing tricks on me....

We flew to Colorado a couple of weeks ago. OK my fat, obese, soon to be healthy and fit friends....what's the first thing you think about when you know you're going to fly? OMG will I fit in the sit? Will the little armrest come down between me and the other passenger? Will my fat flow over to their side? What will I do with my arms? Will I still need an extension for the seat belt or will it barely buckle?

Is the sweat building on your upper lip and forehead yet? Yikes!! I was in a panic! Not knowing what my 51 pound weight loss would get me, I bravely boarded that plane and took my seat. Fortunately I was with my hubby and if I was too fat to fit, he would let me put the arm rest up. That knowledge helped to relieve a little of my stress and apprehension! So I approached my seat and the arm rest was up already - whew!!!

So far so good, nothing bad has happened...I wait until the flight attendant is glaring at me before I buckle up and guess what!!!! It buckled and I had 3 inches of unused strap left. Wow!! I was really encouraged, so I put the arm rest down and I FIT!!!! WITH ROOM TO SPARE. OMG!!!!!

Here's where the denial kicked in. I thought, well I fit now, not because of weight loss, but because the airline must have put in new larger seats and larger seat belts.

Naw...could it be possible that I fit because I'm smaller? My mind can hardly comprehend the reality of this change!!

The other denial...same week!!

The place where we camp has really nice rest rooms. Except the stalls, with doors, are really short, narrow and hard to get in to. Last year, when I was heavier, I could barely fit. I had to finagle my body through, I mean I really had to skinny myself in. I remember thinking that if I were any fatter, I could not close the doors.

This year, I rushed in, well I always rush because the bathroom is far away and I always wait until the last minute to go....anyway I get myself into the stall and could not believe that I did not have to finagle this time. I fit with ease!!!

My mind is so funny, it's not grasping what's happening yet. I think, well...they've just made the stalls bigger. I literally stopped to look at the floor to see where the stalls used to be. Nope, there was no new construction, the floor had the old tiles, no changes had been made to that stall. There were just changes in me!!!

And finally....I have a hard time with my favorite clothes store Lane Bryant. For some reason, I think there is a conspiracy and they are messing me. I think that they are just making huge clothes and labeling them size 14-16 just to make me feel better about myself. That this store really labels their clothes smaller on purpose.

I really had to go to other stores to see if I really do fit into a size 14-16....AND I DO!!!

One more thing...I have been working my plan and it works for me. Other people I read about are really strict and have super clean food and super strict exercise routines. I am not so good. I get in sweets sometimes, I don't always do EVERYTHING that I'm supposed to do. I do keep my calories within a 1500-1600 range so my guess it works. Well obviously it does.

Anyway I'm struggling because my plan is not perfect, and then my mind thinks that it should not be working. I am fighting to keep focused on what is working for me and making myself focus and not jump off of my plan and doing what somebody else is doing. It's like my mind can't be happy with what I'm doing. My plan is not good enough blah..blah..blah...You're not perfect....It's taking so long...BLAH!!! But it working. I'm losing weight (slowly), I'm enjoying myself and this is something I can do for the rest of my life!! IT'S WORKING!!!!

This mind of mine.....Geez!!

I am thrilled with what's going on and I am so trying to get it in my head that what I'm doing is working. I plan to keep pushing through with what I know and what works for me.

Does your mind play tricks on you?


Friday, September 24, 2010

Best Compliment Ever!!!

My sweet hubby gave me the best compliment ever!! He put a picture of me on his computer desk top.

In all our years together, I think he's carried one picture of me in his wallet. This picture was taken over 20 some years ago, when I was a lot thinner than I am today.

Since he's had his computer he's had camping pictures, pictures of our dogs, grand kids and a picture of his bike. But never of me.

I was delighted to see he had one of me in my new outfit.

This is big for me, as you know, I'm not keen on having my picture taken. But I'm glad he has this one and he likes it!!!

What's the best compliment you've received since your started your journey?


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

What a difference a week makes....

This past summer has been....Amazing, fun, joyful, eye opening, successful, hard, stressful, uncertain, frustrating and near tragic...

I had a ton of fun ~ did a lot of things, lost weight, gained muscles, had struggles at work, experienced financial set backs, had some disappointments with our family and had 2 life changing things happen.

The most recent events just about pushed me over the edge...

After getting through the bulk of the summer with all of the stress and activities and then scraping just enough money together to go to Colorado for our sons wedding and hosting 60 people at the rehearsal dinner, we wanted to reward ourselves with a 6 day camping trip to our favorite lake.

My hubby was out of town just prior to going and I was the one to get everything ready for our trip. Needless to say, by the time we were set to go, I was pretty tired. But I got everything together and we set out for our last camping trip of the year.

We were having a great time enjoying everything, when I got a call from our daughter. She tells me to not freak out, she had some news to share. She had just gotten home from the doctors office and they wanted to test our sweet 9 month old grand baby for Cystic Fibrosis. Before that news even settled in, she then went on to say that her husbands aunt had this disease and died from it. That news was quite a blow. The baby has been sick, but I was not expecting this kind of diagnoses!!!! Amazingly I took what she had to say and did not freak out. However, I was very, very worried!!

It's times like this, where I used to lose my head and go back to my old habit of soothing myself with food. But I had made a decision that I would not go there this time!!!

So we continued on with our trip and every time I would think about my grand baby and this disease, I would just pray and lift it to the Lord and asked Him for peace, which I received!!

Midway through our trip, we decided to go home early because it was too cold and rainy. We got home at a decent hour, got everything cleaned up and we were finally able to rest. When all of a sudden our little dog "Beemer" flies off of my footstool and starts crying and howling. We could not figure out what had happened to him. One minute he's sleeping and the next he's in total pain. We picked him up to see what was wrong and after close examination, we could not see anything wrong. So we put him back down on the floor and he just fell over. His back legs were not working.

We, frantically, rushed him off to the doggy hospital and after almost 6 hours of waiting and $600 they tell us he needs more tests and surgery, which would cost anywhere from $3000 - $6000! Needless to say, we don't have that kind of money. So we took our seriously sick doggy home with us to fend for ourselves.

At this point, I have had all I can take!!! With the months of upheaval at work, the stress of the wedding, our financial situation, the struggles our other son is having, the news of our sweet grand baby and now the dog, it was just too much to take. I was at my breaking point and I cracked!!!

Needless to say, we had a very tough weekend!!! I just could not see any hope in anything. I did a lot of sleeping and moping around. I abandoned my exercise routine, but I did not abandon my healthy diet and I did not use food to help soothe my anxiety. The entire weekend, my hubby and I spent a lot of time together, crying, praying and just supporting each other.

Last Sunday night, I just cried and cried, because I just could not face starting a new work week and going through the motions of life with all of this upheaval and uncertainly going on. Just did not think I could walk through my grand baby going through a serious illness and could not even think about putting our dog down or watching him suffer and not being able to walk. I just could not think about doing any of that and still trying to do life. Could not even fathom trying.

So that night I had some decisions to make. I could have either succumbed to the anxiety of it all and gone into a full blown depression, gone back to my old ways of coping (which is overeating and abusing food) or just shutting down. Or I could pray and trust the Lord, pick myself back up, dust myself off and face everything that I was up against. Doing it with His strength, not my own.

I decided to fight and push through!!!

Monday morning I got up and started my regular routine. Exercised first thing, read my Bible, went to work and was very productive. Then I got to the gym and saw my trainer and had a great work out, had a great food day and ended the day spending time with my hubby and our doggy.

I pushed through... I did not stray from my plan and I had success!!!! I made it!!!!


Yesterday I found out that my adorable grand baby does not have Cystic Fibrosis!!! Praise the LORD!!! The doctors decided that she has immature lungs (I can't remember the name of this problem) and they will be treating her with a nebulizer for a number of weeks. They think she will grow out of this and be fine!!! God is sooo GOOD!!

My baby dog is improving daily.....I don't know how or why, but he's almost fully recovered. Eating, sleeping, pooping, peeing, barking, WALKING and even running and climbing stairs. The little poop...we are supposed to keep him quite, but he keeps getting away from me.

Anyway I'm thrilled....It was so hard walking through these things. But I am so excited to know that even through adversity, I have enough tools and have learned enough things to keep me focused on my goals and that I am able to cope with life and my problems, without abusing food and/or abandoning my plan. I have learned to cope in a normal and healthy way.

Another bonus......I have had 2 mini vacations, all this stress and turmoil and I've lost another pound!!! Down 51 so far!!! Whoo Hoo!!!

How about you, what do you do to help you cope with life?


Saturday, September 11, 2010

New Goal

My goal of losing 60 pounds in 8 months is over...So far I've lost 50 pounds. I did not make my goal that I set, could be disappointing, but I have to tell you that I am thrilled!!! I am amaze I made it this far!!! It's been a long journey and I have learned so much!! When I started out, all I had was my food journal and I was going to exercise. That was it, that was the plan. As I got into it, my plan grew into what it is today.

Journal food and calories (1500-1600) every day
Exercise (Treadmill - Mornings / 5 days per week. Weight lifting and cardio / 2 nights per week. Water aerobics, biking, or swimming / 1 night per week.
Water - drink at least 72 oz every day

Has the journey been hard? A little, but mostly it's been a wonderful experience. I can say, that 8 months ago, if you would have told me what I would have to do and where I'd be in this short time, I would not have believed it....

When I looked at weight loss before, all I could see was work, work, work.....journals, exercising, counting calories and water intake, changing my food selections, limiting foods, shopping more often for fresh foods, menus and on and on....I would be so overwhemled, I would not be able to get started....

I just did not have the energy for it!

But here's what I did. I did not look at the whole picture, I just took one thing at a time. Really my grandiose plan started with a food journal and I was going to exercise. That was it! After I got started, I began to add new things that were "beneficial" to my body. I did not freak out, I did not stop to see how much I was adding to my day, I tried new things - some worked some did not, I just moved on and kept with what worked for me.

Once I found my plan that worked. I DID NOT ABANDON THE PLAN AND GO FOR SOME QUICK AND EASY FIX. DID NOT TRY NEW DIETS, PILLS, OR FADS. I just stayed with my plan and slow but sure I'm down 50 pounds. The great thing is, I am not stopping....I'm still REALLY MOTIVATED AND FOCUSED on continuing on with my journey.

Here are some of the things that I experienced in this past 8 months....

  • Started out with a journal and started exercising

  • Got two exercise over use injuries (knee and a chest wall contusion)

  • Had to go to weeks of physical therapy to overcome the injuries\

  • Started working with a personal trainer

  • Went to a Nutritionist

  • Started blogging my journey

  • Had some set backs - Working through an iron deficiency, experienced a lot of stress from work, and had a couple of plateaus

  • Did I tell you I experienced a couple of plateaus? Yes I had them. Many weeks with no weight loss or I would even be up a couple of pounds.......Just kept focused!!

  • Starting counting calories and water intake

  • Got my exercise plan in place - Exercise 5-6 days per week now!

  • Got a full length mirror

  • Clothes - Went from 22-24 to 14-16

  • Tried new things - Rowing on a dragon boat, rode my bike a long distance by myself, volunteered at my church - without hubby, and many other things...
    Created a bucket list of fun things to do for the summer. Had 15 items on it and was able to get 12 of them done. Usually summer is over and I think of all the fun things I would have liked to do and then it's over and did not get anything done. We had a blast this summer!!

  • Did a 5k and beat my time from last year. Even ran some of it!

  • Have lost 15.75 inches

  • I like getting my picture taken

These are just a few of the cool things that have happened in such a short time.

Next goal: 20 pounds off by Christmas!!!

Do you set goals? Do you want to join me in setting a new goal for Christmas?


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Is it September 9th already????

I can't believe it's the 9th of September already. Time is flying!!!

I am back from our son's wedding. We were in Colorado for 5 days and had a blast!! Our son and our new daughter-in-law got married at the Denver Bronco's Stadium. It was an awesome ceremony and the setting was amazing! It was a little humbling being in that big stadium, almost all alone, standing on the field, with the bright lights shining in my face. It was a pretty awesome experience!!

I survived this vacation, stayed on my plan and lost 2 pounds!!! I am now at my lowest ~ 50 pounds lost!!

This is what I did....

1.) For breakfast and lunch...While everyone else ordered their usual.....Hamburgers, fries, omelets, eggs & bacon etc...I ordered oatmeal, blue berries and toast for breakfast and salads for lunch.

2.) For dinner I had what everyone else had, except I ate smaller portions. Fortunately my food choices were chicken and veggies so that was easy. I also enjoyed dessert!!! Well I was at a wedding and on vacation....what do you expect? My brother-in-law served an amazing dessert...BBQ'd peaches with vanilla ice cream and a berry topping. It was great!!! Because I did such a good job with my regular meals, I decided that I would allow myself the treats, IN MODERATION ~ OF COURSE!!!

3.) I walked a lot and was able to get to the hotel gym 2 times. I did my regular workout using their treadmill and weights. (They had an awesome gym!)

4.) I drank a lot of water!!! Very dry in Colorado!!!

I was really pleased to see that when I stepped on the scale on Tuesday that I had dropped those 2 pounds.

The best part was, I did not even keep my diet clean because I wanted to lose weight while I was gone. I did it because I feel so much better when I don't have foods that are bad for me.

Did I want to order a hamburger and fries? YOU BET...But I weighed the cost to me first....Weight gain, sluggish sick feeling in my stomach, heartburn, grease coated tongue, etc. I am so glad that I made the right decision to stick to what I know and what works for me ~ EVEN ON VACATION!!!

I tell you I felt great during this trip. And another thing...I just realized that I usually get stomach cramps and diarrhea when I travel...but it did not happen this time...Hum I wonder if it's the food I used to eat when I was on vacation, which was anything and everything I wanted.
I am guessing that the good choices I made this time, helped me out a bunch.

Most of the people I knew at the wedding, last saw me when I was 50 pounds heavier. Out of the 10 people I knew only 3 people said anything to me, personally, about the weight loss. I was disappointed because I thought that maybe I did not look that different, or I had not lost enough for people to notice. So I told my hubby that only 3 people had said anything to me. He then told me that everybody was talking to him about it!!! They noticed and thought I looked great. Which made me feel pretty good.

My mother-in-law was very complimentary, she just gushed on and on. I was almost getting embarrassed. But from her it was an awesome compliment which I cherish!!

I have to say that I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror and could not believe it was me. SO AWESOME!!!!

Anyway, enough about that. Just glad to be back home. Still trying to get everything else caught up. So much to do!!

Hope you are doing well and I hope you are focusing on your plan!!!! Keep it up, it is so worth the effort!!!