Monday, May 31, 2010

Sometimes I just don't get it...

So I'm sitting here, on a holiday weekend, reading weight loss blogs, eating Skittles. Does this make any sense to anyone?

What should I be doing?

Going outside and riding my bike with my husband.

See ya!!


Beautiful Blogger Award

Hi just got my first Beautiful Blogger award from Sarah at Check out her Blog. I love her because she's funny, insightful and a success!! She's lost an amazing 95.8 pounds!!! She looks great!! She is changing her life for good and making a difference in many people's lives!! Way to go Sarah!!

Accepting this award means I have to tell you 7 things about myself, and pass it on to 7 other bloggers.

Here goes:

7 things:

1.) I love, love, love horseback riding! When I lose another 50 pounds, I'm going!! (Want to spare the horse any undo pain)

2.) I am starting to get the bug to travel. Not just a road trip to Disneyland, but by airplane. I want to see the rest of the country and maybe other parts of the world. (Was always too afraid I would not fit in the airplane seat or it would be too uncomfortable - but I can fit now!) Also would love to go on a cruise!!

3.) Have a novel in my head and can't get it out!! I have the whole story from start to finish, but have not been able to get it on paper ~ yet!!

4.) I would really love to be able to sing!!

5.) I would love to have the time to do it all. Be the super wife, mother and grandmother (Baboo as my grandbabies call me)! Excel at my work, volunteer at my church, write a book, be super fit and thin and do everything to keep it that way, travel, CLEAN MY HOUSE EVERY WEEK - HA!, do crafts, garden, read my Bible and understand it, always do what God wants me to do, pick up trash everywhere, be a great cook and baker, oh and volunteer at the food bank, hospital and hold babies, visit old people.....

6.) I want to be known by my last act and leave a legacy of love, faith, joy, wisdom and health for my children and grandchildren, family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. I want them to see something in me that helps them in their life's journey. The best thing I could think of is someone in their old age, sitting on their porch, rocking in their rocking chair remembering that women (me) who gave to them something (wisdom, love, advise, or whatever) that was beneficial to them ~ something that made a difference in their life. I don't even care if they remember my name, just want to have an impact that changes lives.

7.) I would really like to hug everyone!! I always put Hugs! at the end of my posts. When I do that I'm really sending you a hug. I think hugs are the best thing ever to give and to get!!

Wow to only pick 7 people who have inspired me. That is tough!!

1.) Well my first one goes to
She is an inspiration to me. She's great mom, friend and daughter! I love you!!!

2.) The next award goes to Lindsay at She has lost over 100 pounds and looks great!! She also is training for marathons. I love her Blog because she is funny, inspirational and has great pictures. Very talented!! She's also very kind. Thanks for your many comments!!!

3.) Traci @ She's amazing! She has lost 60 pounds and looks great!! She's another runner - so envious!!! She has a gentle, sweet spirit!

4.) Check out Deb's Blog @ I love her post on Football Wisdom ~ Always fall forward. That really spoke to me!! Deb has lost 69 pounds and has 31 to go. INSPIRATIONAL ~ YOU CAN DO IT!!

5.) Lesia @ She's amazing too!! She's lost 50 pounds so far with only 20 to go. Plus she's had to push through many adversities and still manages to keep on task with her health and weight loss. She's a fighter!!

6.) Sam @ She has lost 30 pounds and has a goal to lose 100. She's well on her way. I love her posts because I can relate to so many things. She's inspirational!!

7.) Onewhocares @ ~ She's just on my mind a lot!! I love her spirit!! She's lost 7 pounds so far with 79 to go. She's strong and I know she will get her weight off!!

There are so many people who are inspirational to me and so many that I admire!! Your words mean so much to me and help me in ways that you don't even realize!!

Keep up the great work EVERYONE!! WE CAN DO THIS!! BELIEVE YOU CAN!!!!


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Bucket List for the Summer

Have you ever noticed that in the winter you dream about summer and say to yourself, "I can't wait for summer, because I'm going to do...." And then the next thing you notice it's Christmas!?!

So I decided that I am going to do a Bucket List for the Summer!!

June - September
1.) Sign up for one of the Dragon Boat Row Teams and row 2 days a week. Then enter at least one race.
2.) Movie night on the deck. Set up our equipment in the backyard, get our blankies and watch movies.
3.) Go to the Farmer's Market on Tuesday nights! They have music, art and of course fresh fruits and veggies. It's a blast!
4.) Read 3 fun books.
5.) Sign up and attend a Ballroom Dance class ~ A Crash Course for Weddings. Get us ready for our sons wedding in September.
5.) Camp at least 2 times. (If we can't get to the recreation area, at least have a couple camp nights out on our deck - it's so much fun!!)
6.) Take the family boating several times. Get the 2 1/2 year old Grand baby up on skis for the first time.
7.) Take a dinner cruise with some friends on the lake.
8.) Have a least 1 BBQ with our family at our house.
9.) Take the Grand babies swimming.
10.) Go to the beach and fly our kites.
11.) Go to a water park with my sister and her husband.
12.) Plan a shopping day with my daughter.
13.) Volunteer for a summer project with my church.
14.) Start a Bible study with my neighbor.

This is what I want to do. It's a big list, but with careful planning, I might be able to get it all done. I just don't want another summer to slip by without accomplishing some fun!!

What do you have on your Summer Bucket List?


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Playing it Safe

On my last post I received a couple of comments that really shook me! I had made what I thought was a joke and had no intentions of offending anyone. When I had read the comments all I saw was the word "cruel". What I did not see was the other nice things that were said in the comments.

That night I was so upset, that I decided that I would not blog anymore. I just could not get over anyone calling me cruel. All I could think about was, YOU'RE CRUEL, YOU'RE CRUEL, YOU'RE CRUEL!! I went to bed and cried.

The next day I was scheduled to go out of town for a few days. I had decided to take my computer so I could try to get myself out of the trouble I had caused. On the way to my destination, I was trying to figure out how I could smooth out the rough waters...when I got some ideas...I thought I might just turn off my blog (don't even know how to do that, but thought it an option), or I could just delete the post, or I could have made up a story as to why I said what I said. I was looking for anything that would get me off the hook. But that wasn't it, that was not the solution....There was something more....

When I got to the resort, I realized that they did not have a wireless connection and I was unable to get my computer to work. That meant that I was unable to do anything about this situation until I got home. Frustrating!

So I just sat and stewed...I have to tell you this was on my mind the whole time I was away! I just could not get a peace about it. I was bugged, agitated and sad!!!

Yesterday, on my way home, I decided to really pray and see what the Lord might say about this situation.

After a long amount of time, I felt like He said, "Joy, You are playing it safe".

Well I did not want to at first, but soon, I had to confess to the Lord and to myself that this is true ~ I have played it safe! I don't take risks or extend myself, because I am too afraid of being rejected ~ yet once again!!!

My whole life I've done EVERYTHING in my power for people to like me. I over do, give too much, over extend, and exhaust myself, so that I can feel like I fit in, so that I can feel loved, so that I can feel accepted...

You see when I was a kid, my dad died when I was four years old. When he died, all of his family abandoned me and my siblings. We have not heard from anyone on his side of the family for over 44 years.

Then my mom remarried and I got a whole new family! Three brothers and a sister ~ plus an extended family!!! When I was in my 20's, my step dad died. Since then, I have not heard from his side of the family. (I tried for years to keep in contact ~ with no luck)

When I was 18 years old, my aunt thought I had done something to her, which I did not. Since then, she's hated me and I am basically dead to her.

My own maternal grandmother hated me, because I was fat!

And first husband left me for another women.

That's just some of the abandonment that I have endured. I have played it safe for so long, because I'm afraid of losing more people in my life.

When I received these two comments, I was devastated because I did not want to lose my two new friends. I just could not take rejection one more time!!!

Now that I have an understanding of why I had this reaction, I am truly grateful this has happened. I have learned something new about myself from this situation. I realize now, that it's OK to risk and not play it safe, even if people don't agree with me...

I realize that I risk criticism, abandonment and rejection every day ~ just by living! Everything I do...posting blogs and making comments, having ideas, stretching myself, doing stupid things, saying things that people may not like, or just being me. Rejection could happen - It's OK...And people won't always agree with me or even like me. It's OK!!! The Lord reminded me that I am not perfect, there are people who won't like me and people who may reject me. And it's OK...

There is FREEDOM in this....

So thank you friends! This happened for a reason. (I hope you still like me) I know that I have something big to do and in order to get this thing done, I have to take a risk and be ready for whatever it brings me. The good, the bad and the ugly....And the Blessings!!

The greatest thing is, I realize, that no matter what, I am still a good person, I have purpose, I can have thoughts and ideas, I can risk and live and do what ever needs to be done. It's OK! I'm OK!!!

Are you living life today, doing what you are supposed to do? Or are you playing it safe? Think about it.


Saturday, May 22, 2010

Tried out my dream and I DID NOT LIKE IT...

Today I got the courage to go to the river and try out Dragon boat rowing. If you've read my blog for a while, you might have noticed I've mentioned my dream of rowing, a couple of times. Well I did it and I did not like it.



OK I get there and there were a ton of people everywhere. You see them walking toward the water with their life vests on and carrying oars. There was a buzz of conversations going on everywhere and a ton of excitement! Unfortunately, it was cloudy and rainy, but it did not diminish the anticipation of what we were going to do.

A gal from my Church met me there and finally they got us all together and got us into a boat. Our boat had 16 people including the caller & tiller positions (I think I've got this right). Most of the people were experienced rowers and we had 3 tiller trainees. The captain of the boat gave us some instructions and before I knew it, we were launched!!

It was fascinating to see how much you had to listen and work as a team, just to get out of the marina.

Finally we were out on the river. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I started to cry. Nobody knew I was being a big baby, because the raindrops disguised my tears. I was so happy!!

One thing I know about myself, is I have trouble doing something, when I don't know how long I will be doing it. After some time, I was beginning to panic, because I was afraid that I might not be able to finish. I did not have a watch, so I could not tell how long we were on the water. I did not know if I would have enough strength to make it back. But you know, I just had to decide to push through. Well anyway, what choice did I have, my only other option was to jump ship and swim to shore! I just had to do a quick attitude adjustment and I was able to keep going! With joy!!

Just about that time, we were in the middle of the channel and one of the teachers was giving instructions to the trainees. All of a sudden, another leader tells us to get our "oars up" and the teacher, said, "no not yet". Then the leader yelled, "oars up" and we got to paddling. Once we got started, I looked to my right and I saw the biggest barge ever...and it was approaching our boat. Needless to say, we got out of its way really fast.

On the way back, we got to do some paddling drills and racing starts. That was so much fun! I think I'm definitely getting my competitive spirit back, because when they said, "Ready, Set, Go" I could feel myself go to a whole new place. The focus and the adrenaline kicked in and I was giving it my all!!

Anyway I had a great time, I was so pleased that I actually made this happen. The greatest part was, I was fit enough to do an hour of rowing, my arms, core and legs felt strong and I was able to handle the demands of this activity without a problem.

This was a life changing experience!!

Have your tried out your dream yet? Do it!!


Friday, May 21, 2010

Got my Big Girl Panties on...

Have you ever made plans to do something? Something big, something out of your comfort zone? In your mind you work out all the details, you're excited, you know you're going to do it this time and fall flat on your face?

Failure again!

Most of the time that kind of thing happens to me...

But this time, I DECIDED that I was going to make a plan and I was going to make it HAPPEN!!!!

I finally got my big girl panties on!!

Yesterday my husband left for his men's retreat and I decided that even though he's gone, it did not give me license to be a slob, or do nothing, or give up on my plan or eat a bunch of junk. I decided that not only would I keep on task, but I planned to push myself a little bit harder. Yesterday I was a machine, I exercised (30 minutes of cardio & 55 minutes of water aerobics), worked 8 hours, did house chores, took care of the dogs and many more things. I did everything I said I would do.

Today I worked, did errands and went on a 9 mile bike ride. Here's where the big girl panties come in....For the first time in my life, I went on a significant bike ride, by myself. It was about 7:00pm, and because I said I was going on a bike ride today, I was determined to get it done. Well I did not take into consideration the late hour of the day and the storm that was forcasted for tonight. We had huge black rain clouds and I thought I heard a little thunder.

But I would not be deterred. I got my bike clothes on, figured out how to turn my lights on and reset my mile counter thingy (my husband always does this stuff) and I set out. The scariest thing was, were I decided to ride had about 3 inches of bike path and traffic was bad. Still not deterred, I kept on going. Then I saw it - a hill - I almost turned around, but I said to myself, "hey, don't be a quitter - you can do this". And I did!! I make it up that hill, then another, then another!! I could not believe it! It was exhilarating!!

I made it back home just as it got dark and started raining. I am so amazed that I was brave enough to do this on my own!

Tomorrow, is another first, rowing on the river!! Can't wait!!

Are you a big girl? Do you set your plans and make them happen?


Thursday, May 20, 2010

When Dreams Come True

I have dreamed of rowing on a rowboat team for a long time. It's so much a part of me that I have pictures of rowboats in my work and home offices, on all my computer desktops and on my dream poster. When I see row teams on the water, I just want to cry! It's CRAZY, I know! Who would ever think that this would be someones dream, but it's mine!!!

Anyway my sweet husband is on a men's retreat this weekend and I decided that I would spend my time working on myself. I wanted to get my regular exercise in and maybe get in a bike ride (have never ridden alone before), I'm planning good healthy food, I going to take 100 pictures - hoping to spark my creative side and I was going to check out the boat row house to see what's going on.

Well I called today and got some information. After I got the low down, the lady told me they were having a row clinic this Saturday and she invited me to come. It's FREE and I get to go out on the water for an hour!!! This is a dream come true!!! So I made the commitment and told her I would be there.

After I hung up the phone, within micro seconds, fear started to rise up in me. I thought ~ what if it rains, what if I can't do it, I don't have anything to wear, what if the people don't like me, what if I make a mistake, what if I'm not strong enough, what if, what if, what if....what if I just don't like it.

Oh that would be devastating!!

Now I can see why people don't pursue their dreams. We can get so caught up in the what ifs that we paralyze ourselves. We can't move, we can't explore, we can't do it ~ then we give up!

Well guess what? I'm not giving up. I'm going to face my dream....and I know....I'm going to LOVE IT!!

What's holding you back from exploring your dreams?


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Don't you even think about QUITTING!!

I know what you're thinking. I'm not losing enough, it's too hard, I'm tired, my body hurts, I don't have enough time, I want ice cream, I want to do something else...Wah wah wah!!!

Well don't you even think about it!! Get up off your bum, do what you know you need to do ~ and do it!!!

Got it?

My little pep talk!! Did you need a little encouraging today? YOU CAN DO THIS!!!


Monday, May 17, 2010

Something is scaring the heck out of ME!!

The question I've read several times today is "What's your best part", or "What do you think your best feature is". Yikes I have no idea. The weird thing is I can hardly look at myself in a full length mirror. (I only see myself in my makeup mirror - it's very forgiving). I have been told, by most people,that my eyes are my best feature.

Hey something just popped into my brain....When I was in grade school, my mom took me to Obedience Class, I mean Etiquette Class. During one of the sessions we were told to pick a buddy and then sit face to face with each other. We were to "really" look at the other person and decide what their best features were. Well being so "obedient", I mean proper, I did a really good job and pointed out some really nice features of my new buddy. Then it was her turn. Well she just sat there and sat there, looking intently at me and after some really uncomfortable minutes she finally said. "I think your best features are your eyebrows!!" My eyebrows. Wow OK, that was a blow to me. Like I really want my eyebrows to be my best feature...Geez!

So since then, I've not really spent a lot of time looking at myself in a mirror. Unlike others in my family who've spent a lot of time in front of the shiny refrigerator, admiring herself and dancing like nobody's business. LOL (I love you Sis!!)

I just never look at myself. I even have friends, who every chance they get, would steal a look and check themselves out. Geez when I get done with my makeup in the morning, that's the last time I really look at myself in the mirror all day long.

One day, I was thinking I was looking pretty hot and decided to take a peak at the mirror. To my horror, I found my hair was standing straight up where my glasses rest on my ears. It was standing straight up on both sides. It looked like I had wings. Geez why didn't somebody say something...So much for looking hot!

Anyway, oh and pictures. I have very few pictures of me. I am actually surprised that I put one on my Blog. But did you notice ~ it's tiny? (Not me of course, but the picture of me)

So what's the scary part? I think it's taking the time to stop and just really look at myself. Face what is. Not feeling like a loser because I only have great eyebrows, but really loving the me that is.

So I'm asking you the question, "What is your best feature?" Decide for yourself !!


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Decision Not to Cheat

This Thursday I will be on my own for 4 days. In the past I would be making my plans to eat all the forbidden food that I should not eat. I would be planning to cheat.

This time, I've decided not to cheat!!

For the first time in my life, I am actually planning activities instead of food. I really want to take this time to focus on just me. Thursday and Friday mornings I want to do my regular exercise, then work, then water aerobics (Thursday evening) and Friday evening weights and cardio. Saturday I want to go to water aerobics, then take a trip down to the boat house and check it out. In the midst of all this health stuff, I am also interested in my creative side. I think I'm going to take my camera to the water front and take some pictures. I want to shoot about 100 things, pick the best one and frame it. My craft is not photography, I am doing this exercise to get the creative juices flowing. Should be interesting!! Then Saturday night is church.

Then the next week I'm out of town for a work convention. I am planning to take my food journal, bike and workout clothes. I want to spend my spare time working out. Oh and of course, I'm taking a good book. I've started reading the Yada, Yada Prayer Group Series. I've read the first book so far and it's awesome! If you want an uplifting book ~ check this one out!

So I am really looking forward to spending some time, just focusing on me, One thing I've learned about myself, is I have to have a plan. If I don't, I won't get anything done. So I've got my list started. I am really excited to spend some time exploring myself and other things that interest me.

What will you plan to do if you are on your own. Will you be good or will you cheat?


On the Hot Seat....

First before I share what got me on the Hot Seat, I have to tell you what happened yesterday.

I was able to run with Granddaughter and keep up with her ~ she's
2 1/2. You might not thinks that's a big deal, but when she started walking it was hard for me to keep up. I have to tell you I felt wonderful and just wanted to keep running and running with her!! We had a BLAST!!!

OK ~ Here's what got me on the Hot Seat...I have a lot of goals and dreams and it seems that the weeks are passing by and nothing is getting done. Last week at my Bible study (teaching about Ruth) our Pastor's wife "D" asked us to put together a "focus" poster of our dreams. Of course, on my poster, I had a picture of women in a row boat. I went early because I wanted to talk to "D" about the book she wrote, but she was already talking to someone else. While I was waiting I began talking another lady when "D" came up to me and wanted to see my poster. We talked about each picture and when we got to the row boat she asked me if I really wanted to do this. And I said "YES"! Her eyes got big and she said she wanted to be a rower girl too!! She told me that she would like to organize a row team from our church!!

When the meeting got started, "D" was on stage talking to us about the study and our posters. And right there in front of 500+ women, she mentioned my name and said that she shared the same goal as me, of becoming a rower girl!! Then she said, "If anyone else would like to pursue this dream, they need to see her or Joy for more information."

Well I better get off my bum and check into what we need to do.

See if you share your dream it gets bigger!!

Is it scary? Am I nauseous? Am I exhilarated? YES, YES, YES!!

When are you going to share your dreams? Do it!!


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Have you EVER felt like you've lost your mind?

This week I'm back on track, but the two weeks prior to that were horrifying! I felt like I lost my mind. Like someone came in, took the focused, on track, sane brain from my head and replaced it with some crazed persons brain. During that time, I was so racked with pain (knees & feet) that I just could not focus on my plan. Then I could not sleep well, then I could not get my calories under 2000 each day. Some of the days I did really well with the food, until afternoon, and then that other brain kicked in and I "forgot" what I was supposed to do and I would blow it!

I am so thankful it only lasted for two weeks. There have been times in my life, when my "sane" brain was missing for years on end. I am thankful that did not happen again and I was able to get back on track and focused. Unfortunately, I did a little damage, gained 3 pounds. But once I got my "sane" brain back I got back on my plan and I've lost those 3 pounds, plus one more. I am at my lowest weight, 239!!! (My weight loss ticker on my blog says I was at 239, but that was just before my two week brain freeze - I think I was at 239 for one day, then I gained those 3 pounds) This is the lowest I've weighed in over 6+ years!!

Some highlights...

My trainer is really helping me. When I started 2 months ago, I could only lift 7 pounds - now I'm lifting 35 pounds!! Last night she challenged me...said if I could ride the bike, even for a short time, she would get me on the rowing machine next week. (Last time I tried to ride the bike it hurt so bad, I just sat/rode in tears). So I started riding, did pretty well, no pain. She left for the night and I decided to keep riding. I rode that bike for 1 hour, 11 miles and burned 379 calorie with no pain!!! I'M DOING THE ROWING MACHINE NEXT WEEK - WOO HOO!!!

We have a swing in our back yard. Last year, every time I would sit in it, it would squeak. (Always does that when heavy people are on it - never could get it to stop) THIS YEAR IT DOES NOT SQUEAK - I'M NOT A HEAVY PEOPLE ANY MORE!!!

I have actually passed by food without giving it any thought at all. One day, I did actually notice some sweets and my crazed brain almost got the best of me. But I actually looked at the food and decided it had no appeal to me. I got in the fridge and ate some of my carrots. Weird!!

Went to try on some clothes yesterday. (I recently got into 18-20's - snugly)Yesterday I tried on some 18-20's and they fit just right or were too loose!!! Not sure I can wrap my brain around 14-16's - have not been there for years!!! (But I'm willing to try)

I can actually release my emergency brake, in my car, with my seat belt on. Could not do that before!

I get angry when I can't exercise!

I think that it for now. Feeling pretty good!!

What are some of your highlights? Would like to hear from you!!!


Monday, May 10, 2010

Do you know how IMPORTANT YOU ARE?

I have been struggling for a long while! Just so disappointed with the slow progress, injuries and just not feeling well. I was scheduled to see my trainer tonight, and I was kind of getting excited and hopeful that I would have some success today. About 3:00pm I received a phone call from her, telling me that she needed to reschedule our workout. Of course I "joyful" told her that it was not a problem and scheduled our time together for this Wednesday.

Needless to say, I was very disappointed. I did not exercise this morning because I thought I would get a good workout with her tonight. After her call, I was just deflated and did not want to do anything at all. I kind of thought about the cardio dance class at the gym, but decided because of my slow healing knee that I should not be doing that kind of exercise just yet.

So on the way home, I was praying and earnestly asking the Lord for a sign, a word or a lightening bolt (if necessary) to get me refocused back to where I needed to be. I was really hoping I would see some huge person at the store that would jolt me back to my reality, that I have a lot of work to do and I don't have time to waste. But thankfully I only saw normal people walking around. (Can you imagine that I wanted to see someone fatter than me to make ME feel better). Lord you have a lot of work to do in me!!!

So I got home, very unmotivated and decided that I would spend the evening reading. But before I got locked into my book, I decided to check my blog to see what was going on. Thankfully I had 1 comment. So I opened it up, holding my breath, as I always do when reading people's comments. (I am secretly waiting for someone to tell me that I'm stupid - can you believe that?) Geez!!!

Anyway I had a comment from Lindsey, she said, "Way to choose to keep on fighting!!! Proud of you:)" I tell you that was what I was praying for. Her act of kindness to write a comment to me, made the difference. After reading her message, I got into my exercise clothes and got on the treadmill. I actually walked 2 miles at a steady pace - even with a sore knee and then I did some other floor exercises. BOY DO I FEEL GREAT!!!

I just want to encourage you all and remind you that what we do here, writing our stories and encouraging each other, is so powerful!! What we do here changes lives and touches lives more than we know. Please don't stop doing what you do. Because you are important and you do make a difference!!!

During my walk, I felt the Lord give me these words. Not sure yet what they mean:

"Your simple act of obedience will help you outgrow your expectations for yourself"

Do you know how important you are? I hope you do!!


Sunday, May 9, 2010

In my Weakness

At my Bible study last week, one of the ladies asked for prayer, she was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She asked us to pray that she would be weak.

All week long I have been trying to understand what she wanted in that prayer. Why would she want us to pray that she would be weak? It is opposite of what I would have asked for and that would be strength. I would imagine you would need strength to survive breast cancer.

What she said was, she knows that she is a strong woman, but she wants to be weak so she can rely on the Lords strength. She wants Him to work mightily in her through this situation. She does not want to go through it in her own strength.

OK that makes sense to me, but being a strong woman myself, I still did not think I could be willing to be weak or have anyone see me be weak.

To be honest, I am weak!

Since January, I have been fighting physically to get this weight off. I have pushed myself harder than I've ever pushed. I have worked through 2 injuries, physical therapy, doctors visits after doctors visits, chronic ear pain, drug reactions, knee and feet pain, wounds not healing and it goes on and on. I just feel like I can't push through anymore. I am tired of feeling pain.

I am at a crossroad in my life and I have some choices to make. If I stop walking and lifting weights, the immediate pain will stop in my knees, calves, feet and in my growing muscles. Maybe if I stop swimming and get out of the pool, my ears will heal and stop hurting. Maybe if I stop trying so hard I would stop hurting and feel better.

I do not want to be weak, but I think that is exactly where I need to be. I know that I cannot do this journey on my own, that I need the Lord and His strength to help me make it through this journey to the end.

I have decided that I will take the right path. I will not stop or give up, I will choose to keep on fighting ~ But not in my strength, in His.

'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty. Zechariah 4:6

Are you willing to be weak, so you can be strong?


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Dare to Dream

Today I was feeling a little down. I got the sniffles, a sore throat and my ears are plugged - can hardly hear. Boo Hoo for me!! Anyway I let this tiny cold be an excuse to avoid the gym (weights and cardio). Let me tell you this was a poor excuse!! So I'm sitting here wondering what I'm going to write. Wondering what could I say that would inspire you to not make excuses and derail your plans. Then I remembered what inspires me to continue on my journey.

I am a rower girl wanna be. This is my dream, this is what I want to do....

I want to be on a row team and eventually compete in the World Olympics. Oh and of course I also want to look as good as these gals do. My dream and passion for rowing is one of the reasons why I need to get fit and healthy! This is what keeps me going, keeps me focused and excited about getting this weight off.

I came across the following statement that really speaks to me, I hope it speaks to you as well. (Author unknown)

Dare to dream: Have the desire to do something bigger than yourself.

Prepare the dream: Do your homework; be ready when the opportunity comes.

Wear the dream: Do it!!

Share the Dream: Make others a part of the dream, and it will become even greater than you had hoped.

Anyway this is my dream, this is what I'm working for.

What is your dream? Think about it!


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Cranky for Chocolate

Yesterday was very stressful and all I wanted all day was chocolate. I resisted, but felt on the edge of giving in all day long. In the middle of my stress, I was asked to take an item to the mail store for delivery. I went to a store where I thought they would package the item up for me, but according to the disinterested clerk, I was wrong. I had to get a box and the stuffing and do it myself. So I shopped around and found my box and the stuffing and paid for it. When I went back to the shipping section I asked the clerk if I could have some tape and she told me that I would have to pay for it, $1 per strip. Well I needed about 3 or 4 strips and I was not about to pay that kind of money for so little tape, so I decided to buy a roll. As I went to get the tape, I snapped at the clerk and said, "It would have been helpful to know that I had to buy the tape at the same time I had to buy the box & the stuffing. You're not very helpful". All this anger, where did it come from? It was all because I was stressed out and frustrated because I could not soothe myself with chocolate.

After I got the box together I was feeling bad about my reaction to the clerk. It was not her fault that I was cranky for chocolate. So when I got back to the counter, I tried to put a smile on my face and be polite. Well the clerk was not buying it and she was a little short with me.

Just a half hour earlier, my friend and I were talking about how you are "known by your last act". As I walked out of the store I realized that this clerk probably thought I was a witch and to her I would be known as a witch!! My behavior told her so.

When I left the store, I soon felt a prompting from the Lord that I needed to do something to rectify the situation. I had quite the conversation with Him explaining and justifying my behavior. "She was rude first", "I will probably never see her again", "Nobody I know saw me act that way" etc. As I got to my car, I felt an extreme prompting to go back to the nearby bookstore and buy the clerk something. Of course, the debate went on with the Lord as I explained that I only had a $20 allowance for the month and I could not "afford" to spend money on someone I did not know. Besides she was cranky too. I got to my car and almost drove away.

Before I could take off, I felt myself agreeing to go to the bookstore to "look" for something to give her. Even before I got to the door, I told the Lord, "If there is a line, I'm not doing this". Well of course, when I got into the store there was a line. So I begrudgingly got into the line with my purchase, a chocolate bar, for my abused package clerk!

Once I got outside of the bookstore, I really debated on whether I could actually make it to the packaging store without eating the chocolate bar myself. But I did not eat it! I not only got into the store, but I found the clerk. Secretly I was hoping she would not be there. She saw me coming and I knew what she was thinking ~ Oh know! It's her again! I went right up to her and said, "Here is a little gift for you, please forgive me for being so rude."

Well you should have seen the look on her face. She brightened right up and got the biggest smile on her face. She kind of got embarrassed and I said, "Sometimes I just don't know what gets into me." Well I kind of know why I did it, but I could not tell her that I was Cranky for Chocolate.

We are all known by our last act. What impression have you left behind?


Monday, May 3, 2010

Something New Happened

I am so excited!! For the first time in 20 years, I was able to cross my legs. I don't really get how, because I am still pretty heavy, but I did it. Maybe it's the working out - I don't know and I don't really care. I was just thrilled that I could do it.

It was so weird, I was sitting in the living room and I was feeling really comfortable. I looked down and my legs were crossed and I did not even know I had done it. It was so natural. I was so excited I went around to different chairs to see if I could do it again and I could. It is great to be able to sit like a proper lady, instead of always trying to hold my legs together, which is not very comfortable. Or I would sit on one leg and that's not comfortable at all and probably not good for your leg circulation.

I love discovering new things that I can do. Each day I find out a little bit more. Helps keep me motivated to keep going!!

How long has it been since you've been able to cross your legs? Try it!!


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Matter of Numbers?

I am not a Rocket Scientist, but I think I've figured something out about this weight loss thing. It just might be a matter of numbers!

This past 6 weeks I have tracked my calorie intake and exercise daily. When I started out I weighed 250.0, now I weigh 240.0. Breakdown below:

Week 1 Weight 250.0 / had an average of 1731 calories per day / Exercised 6 days
Week 2 Weight 246.8 / had an average of 1658 calories per day / Exercised 6 days
Week 3 Weight 245.0 / had an average of 1738 calories per day / Exercised 4 days
Week 4 Weight 245.6 / had an average of 1690 calories per day / Exercised 5 days
Week 5 Weight 244.2 / had an average of 1127 calories per day / Exercised 4 days** Fasting 2 days for medical tests
Week 6 Weight 240.0 / had an average of 1704 calories per day / Exercised 4 days

When I first started my food journal, I only tracked the food I ate, not calories. I got OK results and was able to lose 24 pounds, but it took me months to accomplish this amount of weight loss. I would lose a pound, gain a pound, up 3 pounds, down 2 etc. It was not steady progress.

With tracking calories, I accelerated the process ~ I've lost 10 pounds in 6 weeks!! I think there is something to this calorie in / calorie out thing.

One observation that I've made is it looks like I need to keep my calories around 1500 - 1600, average per week, to get better results. I will continue this experiment and see how I do...Will keep you posted!

Start your experiment today ~ Get started counting your calories & exercise and see where you are in six weeks.


Saturday, May 1, 2010

Almost Forgot

I was responding to a comment from Frugalmom (you should check out her blog ~ she's just starting her journey as well - See my follower info). Anyway in thinking about this process of losing weight and getting fit, I almost forgot what got me started again, and for the final time. I will post the information I sent to Frugalmom.

Now that I'm remembering back - what kicked it into gear for me was I heard something on the Dr. Laura show that caught my attention. I've listened to her radio program for years. She frequently has callers who ask her how they can be more disciplined or how to get motivated to lose weight and get fit. What's so weird is, for years, every time she answers the question, I get interrupted and I never hear her answer. One day in December 2009, I finally got to hear it. You know what she told the caller? "There is no magic answer to the question, it's a matter of grit". You just have grit through and "do it". That's it! And that what got me jump started!! I just took the time to look at where I was ~ It is what it is! The reality of the situation was terrifying, but that was my baseline and I just starting baby stepping into each new thing or change that I needed to make.

Just do something towards good health each day. Not looking for perfection, just progress.

What's it going to take to get you jump started?