This wall is stopping me from going to the next level in my weight loss and fitness journey!
Anybody else out there with walls? Are you stuck? Just wondering.....
I have not posted in a while, I have really been focusing on everything! I've been putting my time in at the gym, calories are finally under control. I am back down to my lowest weight 217. (I have been messing around with 2 pounds....up 2 down 2 for sooooo long!!!) I have been spending a lot of time alone, just thinking, praying and waiting on the Lord, trying to figure out what is going on with me.
Last year, I did most things wrong and some things right and lost over 50 pounds. This year ~ totally focused, have all my systems in place, trainer, food etc and my weight will not budge!
After much thought, my eyes opened and I could really see that I have built this wall, right in front of me. This wall is very frustrating, unpenetrable and HUGE! There have been moments when I get clarity and have mustered up the courage to peak around that wall and I can see what's on the other side of it. Then I get all panicky and retreat back to what I know, what's comfortable. Takes a lot of courage to push through and I frankly have not been ready to do it. Not then.......But I am now!!!!
After much exploring I realized what makes up this wall....Here are a few things.
- Fear of success...When I lose the weight....what next?
- Fear of buying new clothes again (just bought a bunch, spent too much and feel guilty buying new smaller ones...(Really fear of going into regular sized clothes stores. It scares me. I really don't know what to do. I am really comfortable in my fat lady clothes store. I know where every thing is. I know what looks good on me, I know what fits well. Out there....well out there, there are so many choices. TOO overwhelming!!!
- Fear of pushing myself too hard in the gym. Had 4 exercise over use injuries last year ~ Don't want any more!
- Fear of not losing the weight...not reaching my goal...
- Fear of gaining it back...
- Fear something tragic will happen and all of my success will go away.
Well I am really to bust through this fear!! No more hiding behind the wall....I am ready to put on my armor....face the enemy and tackle this to victory!!
Yesterday I began breaking some of the wall away. I faced some fears.
1.) My trainer wants me to run. I don't want to run....I am afraid I will hurt my knees. I afraid that I won't have enough strength or energy to get it done. My shoes are worn out and it will cause me injury. (Doesn't whining make you sick ~ I am sick of listening to myself ~ Geez!!!) Anyway, I decided that I was going to listen to my trainer and do what she asked me to do. She only wanted me to work on this for 30 minutes. The plan was 5 minutes of walking, then 5 minutes of walking and running, repeat 3 times. Easy stuff, huh? May sound easy to you, but dreadful to me. But I got myself prepared, set my mind that I wanted to get this done and I did it. Not only did I do the 30 minutes, but I continued on for 20 more minutes and finished a 5k before 7:00am in the morning!!!
2.) Went to the homeless shelter last night to serve food. Usually I get to take trays of food to the people, but last night they wanted me to be a table captain. This means I sit at the table and just talk. Most of the people who go there are men and a lot of them are not very friendly. But I decided to face my fears. I prepared myself, with a lot of prayer, and did my job. You know I had a fabulous time, had great conversations and made some friends!
So I learned.....that once I DECIDE to push through the wall, it breaks....It breaks pretty easily! It will happen....if I decide!!!
What about you....Do you have any walls you need to break down. If so, let's do it!!!