Thursday, March 24, 2011


I am stuck...Really stuck! I have a wall in front of me and I have not been able to bust through it! 

This wall is stopping me from going to the next level in my weight loss and fitness journey!
Anybody else out there with walls? Are you stuck? Just wondering.....

I have not posted in a while, I have really been focusing on everything! I've been putting my time in at the gym, calories are finally under control. I am back down to my lowest weight 217. (I have been messing around with 2 pounds....up 2 down 2 for sooooo long!!!) I have been spending a lot of time alone, just thinking, praying and waiting on the Lord, trying to figure out what is going on with me.

Last year, I did most things wrong and some things right and lost over 50 pounds. This year ~ totally focused, have all my systems in place, trainer, food etc and my weight will not budge!

After much thought, my eyes opened and I could really see that I have built this wall, right in front of me. This wall is very frustrating, unpenetrable and HUGE! There have been moments when I get clarity and have mustered up the courage to peak around that wall and I can see what's on the other side of it. Then I get all panicky and retreat back to what I know, what's comfortable. Takes a lot of courage to push through and I frankly have not been ready to do it. Not then.......But I am now!!!!

After much exploring I realized what makes up this wall....Here are a few things.


  • Fear of success...When I lose the weight....what next?
  • Fear of buying new clothes again (just bought a bunch, spent too much and feel guilty buying new smaller ones...(Really fear of going into regular sized clothes stores. It scares me. I really don't know what to do. I am really comfortable in my fat lady clothes store. I know where every thing is. I know what looks good on me, I know what fits well. Out there....well out there, there are so many choices. TOO overwhelming!!!
  • Fear of pushing myself too hard in the gym. Had 4 exercise over use injuries last year ~ Don't want any more!
  • Fear of not losing the weight...not reaching my goal...
  • Fear of gaining it back...
  • Fear something tragic will happen and all of my success will go away.

Well I am really to bust through this fear!! No more hiding behind the wall....I am ready to put on my armor....face the enemy and tackle this to victory!!

Yesterday I began breaking some of the wall away. I faced some fears.

1.) My trainer wants me to run. I don't want to run....I am afraid I will hurt my knees. I afraid that I won't have enough strength or energy to get it done. My shoes are worn out and it will cause me injury. (Doesn't whining make you sick ~ I am sick of listening to myself ~ Geez!!!) Anyway, I decided that I was going to listen to my trainer and do what she asked me to do. She only wanted me to work on this for 30 minutes. The plan was 5 minutes of walking, then 5 minutes of walking and running, repeat 3 times. Easy stuff, huh? May sound easy to you, but dreadful to me. But I got myself prepared, set my mind that I wanted to get this done and I did it. Not only did I do the 30 minutes, but I continued on for 20 more minutes and finished a 5k before 7:00am in the morning!!!

2.) Went to the homeless shelter last night to serve food. Usually I get to take trays of food to the people, but last night they wanted me to be a table captain. This means I sit at the table and just talk. Most of the people who go there are men and a lot of them are not very friendly. But I decided to face my fears. I prepared myself, with a lot of prayer, and did my job. You know I had a fabulous time, had great conversations and made some friends!

So I learned.....that once I DECIDE to push through the wall, it breaks....It breaks pretty easily! It will happen....if I decide!!!

What about you....Do you have any walls you need to break down. If so, let's do it!!!

Keep focused!


  1. Thank you for posting this.

    I think a lot of people have fears about losing weight, but they don't really realise it. One of my fears is that when I reach goal weight, I have to look for a new job (one of the things I hate intensely), another issue is that I'll be in the lightest 5 percent of men my age, and I'm not sure how my girlfriend, or other women should I become single will react to that.

    Lots of other fears too, such as maybe I won't reach goal, or maybe I will and will rebound. This one is a biggie for me, it would be so awful to happen.

  2. Keep pushing. WIth each victory you will want to go farther. It feels great to accomplish something you never thought you could. Surround yourself with positive people. Good can totally do this!

  3. Yes! I want to move beyond a 5k...and pick up my pace. I know that it is a mental wall. I can do it!

  4. I am so proud of you. You're at the point where most people throw up their hands and quit. You've got what it takes to see this through and you will. I know it.

    I am impressed with both of your successes. I would have run 100 miles (and I hate to run!) before I would have sat with a table full of strangers and chat. I'm as shy as a person can be. My heart is racing just thinking about it!

  5. I could have written this post myself. Everything you've said, I just got through saying this morning to a friend of mine who is struggling. I do think we have walls to break through, but sadly we come up against them and either turn away or stay in the same place. Sometimes it's out of fear, but it could also be because the Lord is wanting to teach us something about that "wall" and/or ourselves.

    You're in the right place Joy. Just make a decision to press on and press through and you will. I've been in the same place myself for the past couple of months. It's not easy. The most important thing is that we don't give up. And from what I've read here you're not going to do that.

    Here's a big hug my're not alone!!!

  6. fear is a big one...I know just what you mean. It's your last big hurdle, but you don't know it standing on that side of the wall. Bust through and you bust through for good. So bust on through.

  7. Fear is a hard thing to get past. I know I've let it hold me back too many times in the past and I'm done with it!!! Good for you for peeking around that wall and pushing through! And awesome job running!!!! Running is no easy feat!!!