I think my mind is playing tricks on me....

Have you ever been in denial? When I was 274 pounds I thought I looked pretty good, thought I was healthy and just a "little" over weight.

So the reality of my plight showed itself to me and I realized that I was as big as 2 people. My body was breaking down and I was heading for some really serious health problems.

I've lose 51 pounds so far....and things are changing so fast for me that my head is spinning.

I think I have reverse denial!!!! My mind is playing tricks on me....

We flew to Colorado a couple of weeks ago. OK my fat, obese, soon to be healthy and fit friends....what's the first thing you think about when you know you're going to fly? OMG will I fit in the sit? Will the little armrest come down between me and the other passenger? Will my fat flow over to their side? What will I do with my arms? Will I still need an extension for the seat belt or will it barely buckle?

Is the sweat building on your upper lip and forehead yet? Yikes!! I was in a panic! Not knowing what my 51 pound weight loss would get me, I bravely boarded that plane and took my seat. Fortunately I was with my hubby and if I was too fat to fit, he would let me put the arm rest up. That knowledge helped to relieve a little of my stress and apprehension! So I approached my seat and the arm rest was up already - whew!!!

So far so good, nothing bad has happened...I wait until the flight attendant is glaring at me before I buckle up and guess what!!!! It buckled and I had 3 inches of unused strap left. Wow!! I was really encouraged, so I put the arm rest down and I FIT!!!! WITH ROOM TO SPARE. OMG!!!!!

Here's where the denial kicked in. I thought, well I fit now, not because of weight loss, but because the airline must have put in new larger seats and larger seat belts.

Naw...could it be possible that I fit because I'm smaller? My mind can hardly comprehend the reality of this change!!

The other denial...same week!!

The place where we camp has really nice rest rooms. Except the stalls, with doors, are really short, narrow and hard to get in to. Last year, when I was heavier, I could barely fit. I had to finagle my body through, I mean I really had to skinny myself in. I remember thinking that if I were any fatter, I could not close the doors.

This year, I rushed in, well I always rush because the bathroom is far away and I always wait until the last minute to go....anyway I get myself into the stall and could not believe that I did not have to finagle this time. I fit with ease!!!

My mind is so funny, it's not grasping what's happening yet. I think, well...they've just made the stalls bigger. I literally stopped to look at the floor to see where the stalls used to be. Nope, there was no new construction, the floor had the old tiles, no changes had been made to that stall. There were just changes in me!!!

And finally....I have a hard time with my favorite clothes store Lane Bryant. For some reason, I think there is a conspiracy and they are messing me. I think that they are just making huge clothes and labeling them size 14-16 just to make me feel better about myself. That this store really labels their clothes smaller on purpose.

I really had to go to other stores to see if I really do fit into a size 14-16....AND I DO!!!

One more thing...I have been working my plan and it works for me. Other people I read about are really strict and have super clean food and super strict exercise routines. I am not so good. I get in sweets sometimes, I don't always do EVERYTHING that I'm supposed to do. I do keep my calories within a 1500-1600 range so my guess it works. Well obviously it does.

Anyway I'm struggling because my plan is not perfect, and then my mind thinks that it should not be working. I am fighting to keep focused on what is working for me and making myself focus and not jump off of my plan and doing what somebody else is doing. It's like my mind can't be happy with what I'm doing. My plan is not good enough blah..blah..blah...You're not perfect....It's taking so long...BLAH!!! But it working. I'm losing weight (slowly), I'm enjoying myself and this is something I can do for the rest of my life!! IT'S WORKING!!!!

This mind of mine.....Geez!!

I am thrilled with what's going on and I am so trying to get it in my head that what I'm doing is working. I plan to keep pushing through with what I know and what works for me.

Does your mind play tricks on you?

Hugs!