I cannot measure my journey alone with just weight loss, exercise or journaling. For me, I have to work on the whole package ~ including my mind! I had something happen to me, yesterday that triggered me in an old familiar way. My daughter and I went to church together and when we left we had two babies, two Bibles, a ton of purses and bags and trash to take care of. On our way out, I just happened to peek back to see if there was anything left for us to take. I did notice a black towel looking thing, but it did not look familiar so I did not say anything.
Last night my daughter called to see if, by chance, I had picked up her $50 cloth baby carrier. Well I wanted to say no, but I had to confess that I saw it laying on the floor, but did not realize it was hers. We left it at church. I was so disappointed for her!!
After the phone call was over, all these feelings of inadequacy started to boil up. I've experienced them numerous times, and when I get these feelings, I hear a voice in my head that says; "You are so stupid, you should have known".
I heard these very words the first time when I was four years old. (Be careful parents, kids remember what you say). I was camping with my family and I was down by the water. It was really shallow. I was walking along the bank and I came across a gold fish. It looked like the ones you buy at the pet store for a buck. It was big and really pretty. I ran my four year old body up the hill, yelling at the top of my lungs, that there was a gold fish in the water. I was so excited! I remember my dad saying to me, "Why didn't you catch it, why are you so stupid?" I felt so deflated and my joy went right out the window. I remember, at four years old, wondering why I did not know that I could catch the fish. With having no experience with any type of wildlife, I remember trying to reason it out and thought I should have known that it was possible that I could catch a fish with my bare hands.
In my past, every time feelings like this come up, I would always, always, always, turn to food to help soothe my hurting heart. Tears are flowing now, remembering how hurtful that was and how much that one event had such a life long effect on me. Every time I think I should have known something my inner thought is; 'HOW CAN YOU BE SOOO STUPID ~ YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!'
I have to tell you that I have really struggled with keeping my mind clear and in my 49 year old body. I have had to talk myself out of thinking that I was four again and that I'm not stupid. I have replayed this situation over and over and over in my mind and I've had to tell myself that I was not really responsible for the baby carrier. The key here is, I TALKED TO MYSELF, I did not MEDICATE MYSELF WITH FOOD. This is monumental for me!!
After some time, I was able to work through the feelings and put them where they belong. I realized that I am not stupid and the baby carrier thing is just something that happened. No reflection on me!! I MADE IT WITHOUT HURTING MYSELF WITH FOOD!!
Once everything calmed down and I was feeling pretty good about things again, I received a phone call from my daughter and she told me that someone had found the carrier at church and is holding it for her.
What a Blessing!!
What feelings do you have from your childhood that you still carry? Will you let them go?
Hugs!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Word "Watch" - Nothing About Weight Loss or Is It?
As I am writing this, I don't think that this post is going to be about weight loss or fitness. I am literally sitting here waiting for the words to flow...
I don't know what it is about the word "watch". (Not a timepiece or clock - but to see) Every time I see the word in print (especially in the Bible) or I hear the word, I get a "stirring" inside me and feelings rise up in me that I cannot really explain. I just know the word is significant.
This obsession with the word started back in July 1999 when my daughter wrote me a note that said, "I'll watch for you on the water". (We were planning to listen to a concert from our boat on the Willamette waterfront) Since then I have been very sensitive to the word. (I still have the note)
Today in my Bible study the word popped up again. And again the stirring and feelings are at high peak! So I decided to look up the definition:
From Merriam-Webster Dictionary
intransitive verb
~ keep vigil as a devotional exercise
~ to be attentive or vigilant
~ to keep guard
~ to keep someone or something under close observation
~ to be expectant : wait
transitive verb
~ to keep under guard
~ to observe closely in order to check on action or change
~ to look at : observe : to look on at
~ to take care of : tend b : to be careful of
~ to be on the alert for : bide
~ watch it : look out : be careful
~ watch one's step : to proceed with extreme care : act or talk warily
~ watch over : to have charge of : superintend
Wow I guess it does apply to my weight loss and fitness journey and so much more. I know that I need to be watchful of this journey because there are many watching me. That sounds weird to say. But I am beginning to realize that my journey is bigger than I think and I need to be very careful on how I proceed and how I direct my path. Because what I do and say matters to many. I have a responsibity to do what I am called to do and that is to be obediant to the Lord, to myself and to you, to be faithful to the things the Lord has given me, to continue on with my journey and to reach the goal. No matter what!
Do you have someone watching you?
I don't know what it is about the word "watch". (Not a timepiece or clock - but to see) Every time I see the word in print (especially in the Bible) or I hear the word, I get a "stirring" inside me and feelings rise up in me that I cannot really explain. I just know the word is significant.
This obsession with the word started back in July 1999 when my daughter wrote me a note that said, "I'll watch for you on the water". (We were planning to listen to a concert from our boat on the Willamette waterfront) Since then I have been very sensitive to the word. (I still have the note)
Today in my Bible study the word popped up again. And again the stirring and feelings are at high peak! So I decided to look up the definition:
From Merriam-Webster Dictionary
intransitive verb
~ keep vigil as a devotional exercise
~ to be attentive or vigilant
~ to keep guard
~ to keep someone or something under close observation
~ to be expectant : wait
transitive verb
~ to keep under guard
~ to observe closely in order to check on action or change
~ to look at : observe : to look on at
~ to take care of : tend b : to be careful of
~ to be on the alert for : bide
~ watch it : look out : be careful
~ watch one's step : to proceed with extreme care : act or talk warily
~ watch over : to have charge of : superintend
Wow I guess it does apply to my weight loss and fitness journey and so much more. I know that I need to be watchful of this journey because there are many watching me. That sounds weird to say. But I am beginning to realize that my journey is bigger than I think and I need to be very careful on how I proceed and how I direct my path. Because what I do and say matters to many. I have a responsibity to do what I am called to do and that is to be obediant to the Lord, to myself and to you, to be faithful to the things the Lord has given me, to continue on with my journey and to reach the goal. No matter what!
Do you have someone watching you?
Friday, April 23, 2010
Hunger
I have been in preparation for my Colonoscopy and Endoscopy tests today. I have not be able to eat since Wednesday night ~ it's Friday at 8:04am. I will not be able to eat until tonight. I am hungry!
This process has made me think about some things. Here I have spent a lot of time blogging about my fat (because I eat too much food) and how I'm trying to get thin. Since I have experienced this temporary hunger and you know that I've not gone there too often, I realize that hunger is a terrible thing. I am feeling a little guilty because obviously I've had more than my fair share of food, while others have gone without. Ouch!
This experience has brought me something new. Maybe the Lord is doing something new in me. He is definitely talking to me about hunger. Even my new Bible study is talking about it. Day One the heading says - Are you Hungry? Of course the Bible study is talking about being hungry for the Lord. Right now my tummy is talking about being hungry for food.
There are many people in our own neighborhoods who are going without food right now. Even in America! If you watch TV you see the ads about hunger in our own country. It's terrible!
My challenge to you is ~ give generously to those in need of food. Give food to your neighborhood food bank, take a meal to people in need, give food to the Post Office food drive, give money to the guy or gal on the street begging for food (They may be buying booze with it ~ but give it to them anyway ~ you don't really know what the Lord will do with your gift to that person), send money to the food bank, volunteer at the food bank, sponsor a food drive at your work ~ do what you can to help a hungry nation.
Give starvation a try ~ you will soon see what I'm talking about ~ you will be motivated to help where you can.
What can you do to help others in need? DO IT!
Hugs!
This process has made me think about some things. Here I have spent a lot of time blogging about my fat (because I eat too much food) and how I'm trying to get thin. Since I have experienced this temporary hunger and you know that I've not gone there too often, I realize that hunger is a terrible thing. I am feeling a little guilty because obviously I've had more than my fair share of food, while others have gone without. Ouch!
This experience has brought me something new. Maybe the Lord is doing something new in me. He is definitely talking to me about hunger. Even my new Bible study is talking about it. Day One the heading says - Are you Hungry? Of course the Bible study is talking about being hungry for the Lord. Right now my tummy is talking about being hungry for food.
There are many people in our own neighborhoods who are going without food right now. Even in America! If you watch TV you see the ads about hunger in our own country. It's terrible!
My challenge to you is ~ give generously to those in need of food. Give food to your neighborhood food bank, take a meal to people in need, give food to the Post Office food drive, give money to the guy or gal on the street begging for food (They may be buying booze with it ~ but give it to them anyway ~ you don't really know what the Lord will do with your gift to that person), send money to the food bank, volunteer at the food bank, sponsor a food drive at your work ~ do what you can to help a hungry nation.
Give starvation a try ~ you will soon see what I'm talking about ~ you will be motivated to help where you can.
What can you do to help others in need? DO IT!
Hugs!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Baby Steps, Determination and Patience
The secret to my success so far has been Baby Steps, Determination and Patience. If you would have told me four months ago that I would be journaling my food and water, counting calories, working out 5-6 days per week, working with a trainer and a nutritionist and writing a Blog I would have told you, you were crazy!
But here I am.
The only way I'm here is because of baby steps. When deciding to do this, if I would have looked at the whole picture, of what new changes I had to make, I would have given up even before I started. There were just too many things to change or add to my day. It would have seemed impossible. But you know I just took one thing at a time. Baby steps to journaling, baby steps to calorie counting, baby steps to exercise ~ you get the idea. Before I knew it, I'm doing everything I need to do for my health and it's now my routine. It's what I do. So that's the first step. (In telling this, I kind of felt like Bill Murray in his role in the Movie "What About Bob")
The next thing is determination. When things get tough, my new motto is to "Grit It Out ~ No Matter What!!" Nothing is going to deter me from this goal. Not even a lack of time, money or energy. Not injuries, frustrations or failure. Not work, church activities, family, friends or neighbors will do it. My grand babies could not even knock me off my plan, I am that determined. Well OK they might be able to bump me off a little. They are pretty cute!
I have not had a lot of success with weight loss, so I am no expert here, but I wonder about people who have worked really hard to lose a significant amount of weight only to have gained it all back, plus some. How can that happen and will it happen to me? I wonder if the reason they went back to their old life style is because they lost their determination? I will have to remember this!! I don't want to lose my determination and I never, ever, ever want to go back!
The other thing that I've been thinking about is, in the past, I would have stopped doing everything I'm doing by now because I've not lost the 100+ pounds that I need to lose. It's only been 4 months, (Unrealistic achievement I know, but that's how I used to think). In the past I would have stopped by now and gone back to my old eating habits and inactivity because the journey is too long and too hard. I am wondering what has kept me going this time. I have been amazed that I have stayed on track this whole time. I think this time, I have found patience. I know it took me a very long time to gain all this weight and I know that it will take me some time to get it off and to keep it off. This time I have a peace and assurance that I will make it to the end.
What is your path to your success? Think about it!
Hugs!
But here I am.
The only way I'm here is because of baby steps. When deciding to do this, if I would have looked at the whole picture, of what new changes I had to make, I would have given up even before I started. There were just too many things to change or add to my day. It would have seemed impossible. But you know I just took one thing at a time. Baby steps to journaling, baby steps to calorie counting, baby steps to exercise ~ you get the idea. Before I knew it, I'm doing everything I need to do for my health and it's now my routine. It's what I do. So that's the first step. (In telling this, I kind of felt like Bill Murray in his role in the Movie "What About Bob")
The next thing is determination. When things get tough, my new motto is to "Grit It Out ~ No Matter What!!" Nothing is going to deter me from this goal. Not even a lack of time, money or energy. Not injuries, frustrations or failure. Not work, church activities, family, friends or neighbors will do it. My grand babies could not even knock me off my plan, I am that determined. Well OK they might be able to bump me off a little. They are pretty cute!
I have not had a lot of success with weight loss, so I am no expert here, but I wonder about people who have worked really hard to lose a significant amount of weight only to have gained it all back, plus some. How can that happen and will it happen to me? I wonder if the reason they went back to their old life style is because they lost their determination? I will have to remember this!! I don't want to lose my determination and I never, ever, ever want to go back!
The other thing that I've been thinking about is, in the past, I would have stopped doing everything I'm doing by now because I've not lost the 100+ pounds that I need to lose. It's only been 4 months, (Unrealistic achievement I know, but that's how I used to think). In the past I would have stopped by now and gone back to my old eating habits and inactivity because the journey is too long and too hard. I am wondering what has kept me going this time. I have been amazed that I have stayed on track this whole time. I think this time, I have found patience. I know it took me a very long time to gain all this weight and I know that it will take me some time to get it off and to keep it off. This time I have a peace and assurance that I will make it to the end.
What is your path to your success? Think about it!
Hugs!
Whatever It Takes
I met a young women at the gym yesterday who has a very large amount of weight to lose. She was on the rowing machine next to me. I was a little envious of her because I am not able to use the machine because of my knee. I decided to ask her how she liked it. She said it was her favorite one in the bunch. (I knew it would be ~ Since I am a rower girl wannabe ~ I knew it would be great!)
Anyway we starting talking about our weight loss and fitness journey and she told me that she too started working on her weight loss this past January. Said she kind of dilly dallied with things until she went to the latest Biggest Loser TV Show tryouts. Since it's my favorite show, I was really interested in hearing how it turned out. She told me that it was very interesting and hard. It was not so much the waiting in line and things you have to do to audition for the show, but it was really hard seeing so many really big people there who were trying out for the show. People so desperate to lose weight and get fit!
My new friend has a lot of weight to lose, but she said that this experience was a huge wake up call for her, it helped show her that if she did not get her weight under control now, she would be a lot worse off very soon. The whole experience inspired her to really get moving this time to get the weight off and get fit. She said she did not even have to get on to the show to get started, that this experience was inspiring enough to get it done. Amazing!
I know by the look in her eye and her new determination that she will make this happen. She got her wake up call.
What will it take to wake you up? Has it happened yet?
Hugs!
Anyway we starting talking about our weight loss and fitness journey and she told me that she too started working on her weight loss this past January. Said she kind of dilly dallied with things until she went to the latest Biggest Loser TV Show tryouts. Since it's my favorite show, I was really interested in hearing how it turned out. She told me that it was very interesting and hard. It was not so much the waiting in line and things you have to do to audition for the show, but it was really hard seeing so many really big people there who were trying out for the show. People so desperate to lose weight and get fit!
My new friend has a lot of weight to lose, but she said that this experience was a huge wake up call for her, it helped show her that if she did not get her weight under control now, she would be a lot worse off very soon. The whole experience inspired her to really get moving this time to get the weight off and get fit. She said she did not even have to get on to the show to get started, that this experience was inspiring enough to get it done. Amazing!
I know by the look in her eye and her new determination that she will make this happen. She got her wake up call.
What will it take to wake you up? Has it happened yet?
Hugs!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Struggling
OK I have to be honest, I've really been struggling with my health. My knees hurt so bad I can hardly walk, I have had chronic ear pain for a year and I have low energy. It has been a struggle to get everything done for my health. I have literally pushed through everything. Sometimes without joy. So this morning, in my devotions, I found the following:
From In Touch ~ (April 2010)
Read Acts 14:21-22
If you want a meaningful life, you will at times travel the road of adversity. However, every hardship in your path has a specific purpose. Our Father allows pain and trials into His good plan for our life (Rom 8:28).
When we are facing dark times, the first word that comes to mind is usually Why? God welcomes our questions but challenges us to obey Him, even when we don't get answers (Prov. 3:5-6). In fact, we may have to wait months or years before knowing the purpose behind a trial. Sometimes the answers don't come at all in this lifetime.
Joseph spent 13 harsh, dark years in Egypt. He faced betrayal, separation from loved ones, and culture shock followed by slavery, false accusations, and prison time. His only evidence of a sovereign, loving God was that he consistently prospered, even during times of trouble.
Everything Joseph endured prepared him for a job as Egypt's Prime Minister. While still a boy, he learned the language, culture, and mindset of a foreign nation. Moreover, the man who emerged from hardship was the Lord's disciplined, faithful servant. In the end, Joseph was positioned to save more than a country; he rescued God's chosen people - the family tree of Jesus Christ, the Messiah.
Living in the center of the Lord's love doesn't guarantee an easy, pain-free life. In fact, the opposite is true. God loves believers so much that He conforms each one to His Son's likeness through any means necessary. In His expert hand, we become servants whose victories and trials glorify Him.
Then the next thing I came across in my devotionals was this from New Day New You by Joyce Meyer.
This Too, Shall Pass
In this life whatever exists now, or will exist in the future, is not permanent but temporary. The good news is, no matter how dismal our current situation or outlook, we are assured by God, "This too, shall pass."
Life is a continual process in which everything is constantly changing. If we can grasp that truth, it will help us make it through the difficult times in which we find ourselves. It will also help us not to hold on too tightly to the good times, thinking, If I ever lose all this, I just can't make it. God wants us to enjoy all of life ~ not just its destination but also the trip itself.
I am choosing to enjoy the trip ~ How about you?
Hugs!
From In Touch ~ (April 2010)
Read Acts 14:21-22
If you want a meaningful life, you will at times travel the road of adversity. However, every hardship in your path has a specific purpose. Our Father allows pain and trials into His good plan for our life (Rom 8:28).
When we are facing dark times, the first word that comes to mind is usually Why? God welcomes our questions but challenges us to obey Him, even when we don't get answers (Prov. 3:5-6). In fact, we may have to wait months or years before knowing the purpose behind a trial. Sometimes the answers don't come at all in this lifetime.
Joseph spent 13 harsh, dark years in Egypt. He faced betrayal, separation from loved ones, and culture shock followed by slavery, false accusations, and prison time. His only evidence of a sovereign, loving God was that he consistently prospered, even during times of trouble.
Everything Joseph endured prepared him for a job as Egypt's Prime Minister. While still a boy, he learned the language, culture, and mindset of a foreign nation. Moreover, the man who emerged from hardship was the Lord's disciplined, faithful servant. In the end, Joseph was positioned to save more than a country; he rescued God's chosen people - the family tree of Jesus Christ, the Messiah.
Living in the center of the Lord's love doesn't guarantee an easy, pain-free life. In fact, the opposite is true. God loves believers so much that He conforms each one to His Son's likeness through any means necessary. In His expert hand, we become servants whose victories and trials glorify Him.
Then the next thing I came across in my devotionals was this from New Day New You by Joyce Meyer.
This Too, Shall Pass
In this life whatever exists now, or will exist in the future, is not permanent but temporary. The good news is, no matter how dismal our current situation or outlook, we are assured by God, "This too, shall pass."
Life is a continual process in which everything is constantly changing. If we can grasp that truth, it will help us make it through the difficult times in which we find ourselves. It will also help us not to hold on too tightly to the good times, thinking, If I ever lose all this, I just can't make it. God wants us to enjoy all of life ~ not just its destination but also the trip itself.
I am choosing to enjoy the trip ~ How about you?
Hugs!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Am I Doing This Wrong?
Recently I have noticed that there are some people who are achieving great weight loss success will little effort, so it seems. I was reading an article about a lady who lost 62 pounds. Here's what it said, "Finally believing in herself, XXX began to exercise and eat healthful, organic food—and before she knew it, she had lost 62 pounds!" Is that all I have to do?
My sweet husband has a terrible diet (eats too much and then starves) and he's just started his exercise program ~ he's already lost 35+ pounds. Does this plan work for you? Doesn't for me.
Then I was talking with my daughter this past weekend and she knows someone that can lose 9 pounds in a week. I've never been able to do that!! Can you?
And here I am just plodding along. I have had to work really hard ~ EVERY DAY!! I workout 5 mornings per week and I do 2 nights of cardio and weights, 1 night of water aerobics, 1 night of biking or something fun and then I try to get something in on the weekends. In addition, I track all my food, keeping within my calorie budget, drink my water, journal my food, go to the personal trainer, go to the nutritionist..... Seems like a lot and I've only lost 30 pounds.
Do you think after I'm done losing my weight, I will look back on this process and thinks it was easy? Kind of like when you give birth you forget what the pain is like. Is this what will happen? Just wondering...
Personally I don't think this process is easy for everyone. Some of us will have to fight our way out of fat. We are going to have to focus and be diligent every day without fail. Yes many of us will have set backs, disappointments and discouraging times. But I believe if we don't give up and fight until the end, our success will be so powerful! We will feel great and be able to do many things. The best thing is we will really be able to help people just like us. We will have the right words to say, because we've been there!! We will be able to help them on their journey to fitness. We will have stories to tell for sure. I can't wait!!
I will push through to the end ~ How about you?
Hugs!
My sweet husband has a terrible diet (eats too much and then starves) and he's just started his exercise program ~ he's already lost 35+ pounds. Does this plan work for you? Doesn't for me.
Then I was talking with my daughter this past weekend and she knows someone that can lose 9 pounds in a week. I've never been able to do that!! Can you?
And here I am just plodding along. I have had to work really hard ~ EVERY DAY!! I workout 5 mornings per week and I do 2 nights of cardio and weights, 1 night of water aerobics, 1 night of biking or something fun and then I try to get something in on the weekends. In addition, I track all my food, keeping within my calorie budget, drink my water, journal my food, go to the personal trainer, go to the nutritionist..... Seems like a lot and I've only lost 30 pounds.
Do you think after I'm done losing my weight, I will look back on this process and thinks it was easy? Kind of like when you give birth you forget what the pain is like. Is this what will happen? Just wondering...
Personally I don't think this process is easy for everyone. Some of us will have to fight our way out of fat. We are going to have to focus and be diligent every day without fail. Yes many of us will have set backs, disappointments and discouraging times. But I believe if we don't give up and fight until the end, our success will be so powerful! We will feel great and be able to do many things. The best thing is we will really be able to help people just like us. We will have the right words to say, because we've been there!! We will be able to help them on their journey to fitness. We will have stories to tell for sure. I can't wait!!
I will push through to the end ~ How about you?
Hugs!
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