I've had many opportunities given to me, that I've turned down, because of my weight. Never even explored what they could be...never thought they were possible, so I decided not to bother with them.
Why? Because I always thought, because I'm fat.....
Nobody will take me seriously....
My ideas don't matter....
I'm not worthy, so anything I do is not worthy....
I don't have value....
I don't have the energy....
Ever thought this way?
Anyway, as the pounds shed off of my body, I have more energy and now my eyes are open to new possibilities. And you know what, they are there!! HOWEVER.....I still find myself doing everything I can to make sure that I don't take advantage of these opportunities or strive to succeed. I certainly make sure that the opportunities go away....I close my eyes to them. I rely on my OLD excuses!
Even though I'm thinner. I still feel....That nobody will take me seriously, my ideas don't matter, I'm not worthy, I don't have value and I don't have the energy!!!
NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE TRUE!!!!!!!
Example: When I'm around people, they are drawn to me. Instead of really touching their lives in a positive way, by sharing my story, listening to them etc....I spend my time in frivolous conversations with them. I won't open up to them. I'm still hiding behind my armor or what I used to think was my armor of fat....But now, it's just plain armor. It's kind of like....Nope....I'm not letting you in!!!!
I want to write a novel. I've got one in my head. I've tried several times to get it out, but I can't figure out how to do that. My daughter has a friend who is an author. She invited me to go with her to this workshop that helps people learn how to write books (I guess they have many of these events). Anyway, I've had the email, in my "In Box" since September 2010!! To afraid to even respond. Just this past weekend, I met this author and she really encouraged me to give it a try. I promised her I would email her to find out about the next workshop. Ahem....It's the next Saturday and I still have not written to her.
Then I've had many people approach me on my blog and asked me to write guest posts. I did it once, I tried...and when I looked back at my article, no one responded. The other guests had many comments, nope, not mine. So I'm thinking why bother? I'm NO GOOD!!!! Anyway, people keep asking me to send them articles. Just the other day, I had one and I thought, OK I will try again. Do you know that I inadvertently deleted the request. Should have been able to find it in my trash can, but it is just gone. I can't find it!! See I will go to any lengths, not to put myself out there!!!
Also, I have wanted to be a mentor at my church. This is where you are matched with a person younger than you and you just kind of grow together. Anyway, I've had that application in my "In Box" since August. Just don't want to give away my time. Or give away a part of my life....Or let anybody in!!!
Love to do crafts ~ make cards, paint, cookie art etc. Once again, too afraid to really dive in.
I guess I just don't want to be criticized, rejected, or talked about in any aspect of my life, especially when it comes to something personal.
So I am stuck!
Kind of amazed that I can even write this or should I say confess this to you!
OK I am exposed. Big "FAT" scaredy cat. That's me!!
So how do I get away from achieving my dreams and goals. Focusing on the wrong stuff. I currently am the best TV watcher, game player, procrastinator in the world........I will put my time and energy into anything else but what I NEED to do for myself.
I am surprised that I've kept up on my health & fitness journey. That really is a miracle, because I have never focused on this area of my life this long.
SO I GUESS I CAN DO IT. I CAN PUT MY MIND TO SOMETHING AND GET IT DONE.
SO I BETTER GET STARTED!!!
NO MORE PROCRASTINATING!! NO MORE HIDING BEHIND ANYTHING. I AM GOING TO JUST GET OUT THERE AND DO IT!!
How about you? Are you hiding?