I've got some toxic people in my life right now. Both in my professional and personal life. I can't get away from them!! Bugs me soooo bad.....They make decisions in their lives...bad ones. Then when their lives fall down and they are in trouble, then they want me to fix it!?! Huh?
They blame...they look to me to fix it...they call...they cry...they beg...then one day they are up and the next down. It's a freaking roller coaster!!! And they want me to get in the car and ride the dang thing with them. AND I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT!
First of all the people who are toxic in my life....did not ask me first before they made their stupid decisions. You know....get help BEFORE they destroy their lives. Then how come, when their decisions don't work for them, then, why do they come to me for help? They want help ~ when it's too late....Like I can do ANYTHING for them now. I can't!!!
And I refuse, once and for all, to take on their burdens, their problems, their troubles on my shoulders. I'm not doing it!!!
THIS IS SOO HARD!! Because being a Christian, I struggle that if I don't give in and sacrifice for them, then I'm not doing the right thing in the eyes of the Lord. I struggle, struggle, struggle......struggle with this!!
However, here's the difference for me......I am wiling to help others and I do it all the time. I volunteer at the Rescue Mission, give money to Missionaries, give money to my church. We have given groceries, money and even cars to family members in NEED.
Where the struggle is are the people who are always hanging on, always draining you, always in crisis ~ because of their stupid decisions, always out there with their hands out......wanting!!
I just can't do it anymore!
The reason why I'm not helping them, why am I doing this now? Because some of these people having been doing this my whole life and I'm not giving any more of my life to them. So far, it has not done any good, so what's the point? The other thing...if I'm giving myself to a lost cause, then that means I'm taking away from what I NEED in my life.
These people have affected my family, my health (mental health ~ because they make me crazy and depressed & physical health~ because in the past, what they do to me, makes me want to eat!), and they have affected my life...and not in a positive way. And I'm not doing it anymore!!!
From this moment, I am limiting my interactions with these people. Once a month wellness checks, birthday and holiday cards and that's it. I have caller ID on my phone and I don't have to take their calls. I can delete their phone and email messages. I don't have to be subjected to their drama, their crisis, their problems any longer!!
I so want to delete this.....because it sounds sooo MEAN!!!!!!!! I hate that I feel this way with the people I love, but I really can't do it anymore. I can't move on my with my own health because they are pulling me down. I so try not to let what they are doing affect me, but I can't seem to stop them from wearing me down. In the beginning, I thought I could help. I had resolve that I could do this, but they have pushed too far!!
Now I do feel like I'm on the roller coaster.....only I'm going down....If I stay on it....how many more times will I get a chance to do this life for me? It's always been about them....But it's my time....my time right now!!
If I can't do this for me now....I will die. Then what good will I be to anyone?
Do you have toxic people in your life? Are you ready to get rid of them and take care of yourself?
Keep focused!
I think we all have toxic people. :(
ReplyDeleteYou will have to be like a broken record saying things like: I am not able to help you but I can direct you to a service (whatever that might be) that can. They will be able to listen and steer you to the kind of support you need." you have a kind heart. Practice saying those kind of lines until you are able to do it. You have to be strong and tough, but you can do it. It is for your own health. Good luck, joy, Michele
ReplyDeleteHi Joy. You are learning to be healthy.
ReplyDeleteIt takes time and maybe even a few mistakes before we get the balance right. The important thing is to stand back far enough so that those people who use you to feed their own disfunction/disorder/lack of wisdom cannot ruin your own life.
Never feel guilty when you pull back from trying to be the solution. Most of these people are looking for a sympathetic ear to boost their own ego without wanting to make important changes to the way they do things.
Have you noticed that God often leaves people alone while they sort out their own disasters. Eventually we all need to learn that wisdom there are times we need to stand on our own feet.
You are a blessing to so many people. May God give you peace and joy and many more blessings.
I think there comes a point in our lives where we have to push out the people that aren't good for us. We can still care for them, still pray for them, but we need them out of our day-to-day lives..and I think that is okay!
ReplyDeleteAlot of it has to do with BOUNDARIES. When we help someone too much, they become dependent on always needing that help or emotional support. It's hard because they can be persuasive and make us feel uncharitable if we don't. But sometimes, it IS more charitable to allow them to feel he consequences of their own actions. You DO need to take care of yourself. I was referred once to a really good book called "Boundaries" that REALLY helped me understand all this. Everyone should read that book! :)
ReplyDeleteHere is a link to it if you're curious: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0310247454/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=3185865041&ref=pd_sl_93ztorsgri_b
Hang in there and be strong girl!!
God bless..
~Margene
Thank you for posting this! I've been feeling the same way with family members the past few months, and it's beyond depressing. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with these feelings.
ReplyDeleteI finally had to come to the realization that my "helping" them wasn't helping them at all. I was enabling them, and there's nothing in the Bible encouraging us to do that. Limiting your interactions with these people is not mean. Let them know you're always here and still love them, but can't help them until they're ready to help themselves first. Your mental and physical health is too important to sacrifice. And besides, how will you be able to help ANYONE if you don't take care of yourself first??
I'll be praying for you- I know just how hard this is!!
I agree with Mum to the Fourth Power - it has a lot to do with boundaries and I think the people who you have been helping all your life don't have any boundaries where you are concerned. I think they make those bad life altering decisions because they think "when it doesn't work out Joy will be there to pick up pieces up for me." It is negatively affecting your life and it is time to say "NO MORE". I know it sounds mean, but it's really not. You have to help them - and yourself - by not helping them, if you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, don't be too impressed with my running speed of 8, I'm talking kms. 8 kms p/h is only 4.9 miles p/h - so I'm really not very fast :)
The important thing is to give people what they NEED. Sometimes they need to clean up their own mess.
ReplyDeleteLori
I agree with two ladies above..it's boundaries. You can help people..but not to your family's detriment..and certainly not to your own. People have to take responsibility for their own lives. I say practice what that one lady said...'there is an agency who can help you.' These people want to be bailed out of a situation they created, the really cruel thing to do is to never let them face the consequences of their decisions. If they never do, they will never ever learn.
ReplyDelete