Judging Others - I don't like what I see in me...

I feel the Refiners Fire on me! What that means is God is working on me...He has identified an ugly area in my life that needs some work and He's searing it out with His fire! It hurts! I don't like it, but I am willing to go through this so I can be the women He wants me to be....

Yesterday I went to a Women of Faith Conference. It's a Christian women’s organization that has been holding non-denominational conferences at various locations around North America since 1996. (Info from Web definition) Anyway this year they had Michelle Aguilar as one of their speakers. She was the grand prize winner of Season 6 of The Biggest Loser Show. I could not wait to see her and hear her story. This year's conference theme was ~ Imagine - Escape from the everyday and be refreshed, encouraged and inspired. The God who loves you can do far more than you can ever Imagine.

Great topic right?


I did not quite walk away from the conference refreshed, encouraged and or inspired, but God did give me more than I imagined. What I walked away with was something that none of the speakers spoke of, as least I don't remember them speaking about this, but it's something the Lord showed me last night, something that does not please Him and that is...

I judge others...


You see I have had a life long history of judging other people. The first thing I do is judge...I have realized this through the years and have had to really fight to keep from doing it. I have learned that I have to look at the person or situation at face value and then let it play out. Usually I'm wrong on my first judgement about someone. I've learned if I intensely judge someone, they most likely will end up being my best friend. So, now it's kind of fun, when I get that notion, I realized that I'm looking at my new best friend!!

However, what is not fun, is I've made judgements about some people and have actually ended up with or doing whatever it was I judged. Example....

When I was a kid, I went to the animal barns at the State Fair. We happened to be in the pig barn and we were looking at the huge hogs. Passing by a stall I looked in and saw this huge piece of flesh that I thought was a pig. Turns out it was a huge women, wearing shorts, laying on a cot, sleeping. My first thought was, Oh my Gosh!!! I will never, never, never allow myself to get like that...

Well........I did.

Another time, I came across a women who was so bad mouthing a person and gossiping that I found her most unpleasant and discontinued talking to her. Not more than a few minutes later, while I was with my friend, I started doing the same thing. I did not realize it, until after I had already spewed my vile hatred. Somehow I felt I was justified in doing this behavior. Never occurred to me that the women I was listening to before, probably felt the same way. Neither of of us were right. There is no good reason to do what either of us did.


Then....I saw a man at a grocery store. He had little bumps all over his face and arms. The bumps were not pimples or pussy or anything like that. Just small, medium and large raised bumps. He was working in the concession booth of all places. I could never understand why the company allowed him to work in an area with food, when he looked at that. Every time I went there, I prayed that he would not help me. (Right now I can see his face and his eyes are speaking to me to understand) Do I have tears now - You bet!! Anyway, I started getting those same bumps on my arms ~ I have two. They just raise up and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them, except burn them off. This poor man has hundreds, maybe thousands of them. He would be a scared mess if he had them burned off, not to mention the pain this would cause him. And I judged him!!!!


Wretched ME!!!!!!!!!!!


Those are just a couple of things, from my past, that I am willing to dredge up to tell you how vile I can be. However, there is just one more that is fresh, that I will share.


Last night at the Women of Faith Conference, Michelle Aguilar from The Biggest Loser made her entrance onto the stage and I was shocked. She has gained some weight back. She does not even look the same, I almost did not recognize her. The women's face on the brochure, did not look like the same women on the stage. I was so disappointed for her. Again, that evil judgement came to my mind. I thought, what in the world....You've had all this training, knowledge, and help and YOU'VE ALLOWED YOURSELF TO GET FAT AGAIN!!!! Augh, I just don't get it.


So I went home from the conference, so conflicted and mad. I just did not understand how she could let this happen.....


You know I've been on my journey since January 2010. I've had help from a Nutritionist and personal trainer. I have you guys and tons of support from my family and friends. I have tools ~ my scale, journal, doctors etc.


And you know what? I too did not turn to them. Yesterday I had a terrible food day and to top it off, last night I ate about a cup of M&M's. When I totalled up my calories for the day, I logged in over 3000 calories for the entire day!!!!


Who am I to judge Michelle Aguilar.....when I too can't keep it together?


There are so many reasons why people judge others. Just Google "Why do we judge" and you will see it's a common problem.


I would have loved to come across something that would just sum it all up in a nice package, but could not spend the time finding it.


So here's is why I think I do it.....It's because I just don't have enough knowledge, I don't understand the person or situation and I have fear....


I guess that is why, God allowed the same things to happen to me. Now that I know and/or have experienced where people are coming from, I get a new understanding. Life is hard. Things happen to us that are out of our control. We can only do with what we have to work with. We can only do our best.


I know that now!

I no longer judge these people or myself. All I can see now, is there eyes, looking at me, pleading for me to understand. I get it. I understand and I love you!!!!

Forgive me!!!!


I pray that God has seared judgement from my heart....and I ask Him to instead give me love, understanding and compassion for people and things I don't understand....