Thank you my Friends for your kind words and encouragement yesterday. I looked at your comments frequently throughout the day and it gave me peace and strength to get through the day!
I had made a decision to go see my brother yesterday. The best time to see him is at 7:00pm. I get off of work at 4:30 so I had a gap of time to use up before I went to the hospital. For me, this gap of time was dangerous!
Here I would have had 2 1/2 hours to do WHATEVER I wanted to do....go WHEREVER I wanted to go...and do it with no accountability. As an almost former fatty, do you know where my mind was thinking? Especially now that I am under so much stress and worry? Yeah you guessed it.....FAST FOOD HEAVEN!
I mean what better way to relieve my stress, help my anxiety, go be with an old friend? Sounds dreamy right? Easy....no one would know. I actually had cash in my pocket.....I could go get the food and eat it outside my car, throw away the trash...maybe go to another fast food restaurant and get more....WHO WOULD KNOW? RIGHT!?!
I would know....oh and God would know....oh and then my body would know....and then the scale would be talking to me today. I would be found out......Drat!
So instead of all that craziness I was wanting to do, I started thinking of a better more healthy way to handle this extra time on my hand, a better way to handle the stress and anxiety of seeing my brother, a better way of taking care of myself!
So I started a list of "To do" things....
1.) I needed to go to the bank.
2.) I needed to pay off my credit card at my former fat lady clothes store.....No more purchasing will be going on here!!! Funny....I just paid of a bill for clothes that I purchased that I can't wear anymore because they are too big......Isn't that stupid? If I would have paid cash in the first place, I could have used the $30 I paid yesterday for a new outfit. Do you know that I can almost buy a pair of pants and a shirt and maybe even earring for $30? That is so crazy!! In my old fat lady store, I could barely buy a shirt.
3.) Needed to go to the bookstore.
So that was my list....This is what I did....
1.) I did pay the bill. As I walked past all of the clothes and right to the register, I was filled with pride that this was the last time I would go to this store!
2.) I went to the bank....Well big whoop for me....Nothing really exciting there, except I did what I said I would do.
3.) I went to the book store. You know I was looking for a nutrition book. It was recommended by my Nutritionist. It's called, Instant Diet Makeover by Alex Lluch. I read a little bit of it last night. What I like about it, is it has useful nutrition facts listed almost within the first 20 pages. This is awesome for easy reference. Seems like it's almost like a cheat sheet of information right at your finger tips. I hate informational books that are so full of words that you can't just get to the information you need. The book has been helpful so far.
4.) Then for fun, I went to the shoe store, another store looking for home decorations, and then an office supply store. I shopped!!! Many of you may know that I have a shopping phobia! I literally get stomach cramps and diarrhea before going to stores, so I usually don't. But not yesterday, I actually had fun. I did not buy much, mostly WINDOW SHOPPING (I never do this).....I had a great time!!!
When I got to the hospital, I was joyous and ready to see him. He looked terrible at first, but brightened right up after we got to talking. While I was at the book store, I also purchased a card. I prayed before I picked one and the Lord sent me directly to one right away. It was almost like it was the only one there. The brightest card in a sea of gray cards and I picked that one. It was a picture of a field of yellow sunflowers with a mowed down path in the middle of it. I did not know the meaning behind the picture or why it was so striking, but I knew I had to get it. It was blank on the inside, so I just wrote things from my heart. I can't even really share what I wrote, because I believe it was God inspired, just for him.
After he read the card, he turned back to the front and just looked at the card. He concentrated on it for quite a while and then a smile grin began to appear on his face. Then he looked up at me and said, "I think that the Lord is showing me that now, I can go anywhere He wants me to go....I'm free."