Outsider Looking In!

Went to a high school football game on Friday. Except for my friend and her husband, I did not know anybody on the team, on the band, on the cheerleaders squad or on the bleachers. So I was the outsider, looking in, and this is what I saw and experienced.


It was such a surreal night. It was like everything around me was foggy. Well it was really foggy weather wise, so this could be part of it. But what I mean is, the regular, every day things I saw looked hazy, foggy and just out of my normal sight. But the things of an obese nature were life sized and up front. Bigger than life!


Here's what I mean....


First thing I noticed were the cheerleaders. They were your typical teen aged all American girls. All thin and of normal size except one. This one girl was quite large, fat really!! Poor thing, here she was in her cheerleader outfit, stuffed like a sausage. Every time she did a move or a cheer, she had to pull her shirt down, adjust her skirt, and pull fabric from her rolls. She looked awkward and uncomfortable. I felt so bad for her.


Wait a minute....stop the presses. I was that girl!!

I was always the fat one in the group. Still am the fat one. Unfortunately there are a lot more of us now. But when I was a kid, there was only one other fat girl in my class. It was awful!!! I remember thinking how great it would be if there were more fat people and less skinny people. Well we're living that right now folks! Sorry I don't think it's better. I hate being just like so many people I see, I don't want any of us to fat and unhealthy!! I want us all to get fit!!!


I would say that 80% of the people on the bleachers all around me were over weight or obese, including my chubby self ~ no judgement here!!! In my foggy state, all I can see is chubby hand and faces and food being shoveled into gaping mouths. It was like, when you go to the movies and everybody is trying to cram in all their food before the movie begins. They were shoveling it in ~ FAST!!! I prayed several times that the team would not score another touch down or make a good play, because every time they did, everyone would stand up and cheer. Each time they did this, I felt the flooring of the aluminum bleacher buckle and sway. I was truly afraid it would collapse under the weight!!! (I'm usually not a fraidy cat, but this was frightening!!!)


One lady I was mesmerized by. She was a non stop...popcorn eating machine. Then it was potato chips and then some other things I could not see. It was almost like she could not stop herself.


Wait wait....reality check....I was that woman!!!


There have been a zillion times I was just like her. Could not get food into my mouth quick enough! Never satisfied, always wanting more!!! Insatiable hunger, a bottomless pit! That was me!!


Then something happened on the field that warranted the coaches to run out to talk to the players. One of the coaches was soooo fat, he could barely walk. I was wondering to myself, how effective is he with his team, when he talks about the nutrition needed to do what they do? Or how can he encourage his team to be diligent about the running and weight lifting needed to do the job? Or how can he explain passion and the importants of all of the components of this game, when he has personally lost his passion for doing the important things in his life?


How credible is he? Can he really make a difference in these young men's lives when he obviously does not take care of himself?


Pardon me......Ahem.....I am that man!!!


Where do I get off, telling anybody, anything about being fit and healthy? What do people think of me when they see me waddling down the street? What about at a restaurant ~ is what I order and eat being scrutinized and judged? What about the young people at work, the ones I lead....how credible am I? Can I really make a difference in their lives?


I am just like every fat person out there. No way I can hide what I've done to myself. I am judged, left out, made fun of, thought less of, taken advantage of.....yet I still do what I do.



I am that cheerleader, that woman and that coach!!!



It's a new day my friends. A hard one for many!! I know, I know....it's a day of celebration. But before you stick you hand in that candy jar or pick up that cookie....Remember we were people obsessed with food and junk.



BUT NOT ANY MORE!!!



We are not the same people we were last year. We aren't the same!!! We are on a new journey of health and fitness. And one day at a time ~ we are going to get to the goal!! We are going to be the people that God created us to be. We are no longer outsiders looking into to things. We are making things happen and making a difference in this world. We are changing our family tree. We are breaking the chains of obesity ~ One day at a time!!

Keep focused my friends ~ WE are making it happen!!

Holidays and Celebrations are great..

But before you put that piece of candy, sweets, or sugar in your month. Think about this.....

Because I'm fat...These are the things that I have experienced during my holidays and celebrations that have caused me pain....

I just love starting the New Year faced with beginning a new diet plan. Doesn't that make you feel great? I just love it! So fantastic going to the gym, again, for the first time since the last January before, with so MANY people!! It's just great!! We all cram in and work our butts off for the month and never go back until the next year. The best thing is, we keeping getting to send our money to the gym, even though we don't go there anymore! Super!

On Valentine's Day ~ Nobody ever buys me candy. Imagine never receiving one of those stupid red paper hearts filled with delicious chocolate. NOPE ~ Never got one...

Easter is a bummer....You can't wear a black Easter dress ~ you would stick out like a sore thumb. Instead, I always get the pastel tent and try to look like the other thin mom's who look great in their Easter finest. Oh and I never get an Easter basket either!!!

Weddings...Remember I told the story of the outdoor wedding that I went to, where I went to take my seat and all of a sudden I heard a large "CRACK". I totally broke the chair. Do you know that I sat in a sitting position for the entire wedding and the chair was totally broken. There was nothing supporting me. I used my legs and pretended to sit the entire time. By the time the wedding was over, I could barely walk. My legs were so cramped and sore. Needless to say, there would be no dancing for me ~ Not that I would ever do that to begin with.

Lets see...what the next event. Well there's graduations....always worry about what the seating will be like...Will I fit? Can I stand the heat??? What food are they gonna serve? Yum!

Then there's traveling. I hate to fly, always worried about getting down the aisle and fitting in my seat. Oh yeah, what about that seat belt. Would I have to ask for an extension? I was always embarrassed when they would ask if I wanted a meal. OF COURSE I WANTED A MEAL....you skinny......Ahem! Other things I worry about when I travel...amusement parks, would I have enough energy to walk everywhere and would I fit in the rides? Oh, here's a fun one, what will my stomach do with all of the extra crap I would be eating? Having stomach cramps, gas, and pooping in the motel with your family all around is awesome!!! Have you tried it?

Then I struggle with camping. Would I have enough energy to set up camp, cook, clean, have fun, walk to the bathroom a thousand times, or fit in the bathroom stall? Would I be able to walk some more, and then finally, would I have energy to tear down and put everything away when I got home? Exhausting!!!

Picnics...Love them, but would I be able to do any of the activities? Most likely I would opt out, maybe watch the kids for an excuse not to participant. Of course their activities would be limited, don't even ask me to "catch" anything!!!

Don't even get me started on boating. I just love wearing a moo moo, to cover my fat, when it's 100 degrees. It's just awesome! Oh and what about the life jackets, will they fit. Heaven forbid I hurt myself in the water and they would have to pull me into the boat. Can we say, Free Willy? Then the other thing, I don't want to try anything fun, do you know how hard it is to pull a 274 pound body out of the water, holding onto a 6 inch handle? HARD!!!! IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love it. I love the pumpkin patches, smells, food ~ everything about it!! I remember so many years where I wanted to dress up with my kids at Halloween. Every year, I had to choose a mass of some sort of fabric to cover my body. Never could I be the cute cat, or princess, or even Peter Pan. Nope, it was Hobo's, scarecrows and fat M&M's for me. Oh and then of course, there were times that I'd cut our trick or treating time down, because I did not have the energy to keep going. Well at least I did not drive the kids around. That's something, isn't it? We really walked it, but not very far, to be sure! Then my favorite was confiscating the kids candy and eating all the good stuff, leaving the yucky stuff for them. Yep, Mom of the Year ~ that's me!!!

Another favorite is Thanksgiving. I love it!!! I always plan on wearing my "Fat Pants" Thanksgiving Day. That way I will be guaranteed to be comfortable. Unfortunately, after the things I would consume during the day, my fat pants soon would become too tight and I would have to unbutton them to breath. Can you gain weight that fast? I guess I did. Oh and my super favorite was....My Grandma, who I loved with all my heart, would greet us kids when she would finally arrive at our house. To me, she would give me the once over, from head to toe and say "hi" and to my Sister she would say, "Oh XXXXX, you are looking so thin. You look great, your hair....blah.blah.blah.blah.blah". Such a great welcome ~ I just loved that!!

Finally there's Christmas, also my favorite. Can every holiday be a favorite? Just asking? Anyway, my most memorable one was last Christmas. I was at my highest weight. I woke up on that crisp morning, filled with anticipation and excitement. Could not wait for the day to start.....And then I was kind of noticing a curious smell ~ very unpleasant. Thought it was something in the room I was in. As I moved about the house, I realized the smell was everywhere. Geez what could it be? Smelled like something had died. So I run up to the shower and striped off my clothes and I realize that I was the one who smelled. As I was washing my body, under my huge fat stomach roll, I rubbed my hand across that area and I experienced tremendous pain. When I got out of the shower, I hoisted my fat roll up and looked in the mirror and the entire area, everywhere where skin touched skin, was flaming red, with open, weeping sores and that was where the smell was coming from. Smelled like rotten skin!!!! Oh, that by far was one of the biggest highlights of my fat. Something to be really proud of, right?

Absolutely NOT!! That's why, I want you to think about what you are doing before you put that candy into your mouth. Do you really want it? Is it really worth it? Do you really want to prolong your weight loss? Is that candy worth all of the above pain and suffering, that you've caused yourself. Is it really, worth the price you pay for abusing your body?

Think about it!!

Keep focused!!!

So Humbled...

We went to the Portland Rescue Mission tonight to help serve food to our City's hungry. It was awesome and heartbreaking at the same time. I am humbled to have had the privilege to serve the people there who are down on their luck.

Here's what I learned....

Switch Blade is a young mother of a 2 year old and a new born. Her boyfriend, the kids dad, just got out of jail but they can't live together, as a family, because of their housing requirements. She says she feels like she's a single mom, doing everything by herself. They eat at the Mission because there is never enough money to feed everyone. I packaged up extra noodles and bread so she could have something to feed her daughter later on tonight.

Then there was Cindy. She said she had a job and lives in a shelter. Sadly she can't have kids where she lives, so her 4 year old daughter lives with her sister. She says she has money, but by the end of the month there's nothing left. She said this was her first meal of the day, at 7:00pm tonight.

Then there was this man ~ don't know his name. I tried to offer some water and bread and he just looks at me with eyes that were so piercing...mean and violent. He clearly did not want to be disturbed and wanted to be left alone.

Then I saw this beautiful woman and I wondered why she was there. She had a coloring book on the table with crayons. I first thought she might have a child who would be joining her. I soon realized that she was not much more than a child herself. So beautiful and innocent. I wondered how in the world does she take care of herself, on the cruel streets of Portland.

Then there was T-Bone. The life of the party! Wanted to be the center of attention. Laughing and joking with everyone!

Toward the end of the evening, I saw this little man. he was so quite and almost folded into him self. Nobody was paying him any attention. Finally I asked if he had eaten yet. He said no and mentioned that he had been there awhile. So I quickly got him his food, poured his water and added a cup of hot coffee. When I finally got everything to him, he just looked up at me and gave me a great big smile and said "Bless you"!!!

I truly loved being there and doing what I could, to be of some comfort to others. It was an awesome experience. But I also felt so ashamed of myself that here are people who don't have enough food to, go hungry daily and worry about where their next meal is coming from and well I, obviously have more than my fair share and then some......I spend so much of my time, energy and effort on trying to figure out why I eat so much, how I can eat less blah...blah...blah. And they spend ALL their time trying to figure out how to feed their body so they won't die.

I watched these beautiful people leave with their whole world on their backs, wished them a good night and lifted silent prayers to the Lord, to keep them safe, knowing that I will drive home in my comfortable car, to my beautiful home, with my loving family and my fridge full of everything. Lacking, needing or wanting for nothing....

I am humbled.....

Challenges...Love them...Hate them!!!

Almost every time I see someone throw out a challenge, I almost never read that blog post. For some reason, when I think about joining one, I get the feeling my back is up against the wall and I'm filled with fear!


Not to say that I can't take one on...if it's for work, no problem. Got a problem at church, I'm there for you. Can't balance your checkbook, well I will work on it until the sun goes down. I'm all over those kinds of challenges.


When it comes to me and my personal health, fitness and weight loss....well that's another story.


Now I can be challenged for short term things, fitness wise. Example, if my trainer says do a plank for a minute, I can do that and maybe give her some more. She can challenge me on any of the weights or machines and I have success. Challenge me to run...NO WAY!!! So I am willing to go only so far.

My journey began because of a challenge. I was watching the movie Julie & Julia and the woman in the story decided to take a year of her life and challenged herself to cook all the recipes in Julia Child's first book. We watched her during that year struggle, be frustrated, have success and failure, but she set her goal and she made it! I was so inspired by that. I loved the thought of committing a year to focus on my health. I got so excited that decided that I wanted to lose 60 pounds by September 5th, for our son's wedding. So I got my trainer and nutritionist, started counting calories and began my fitness training.

The part I hate about challenges, is I missed my mark by 10 pounds. I lost only 50 pounds in 8 months. Good...but I still failed, I did not make my goal....

Starting September 1st, I thought I should set a new challenge. And I threw out to Blogland that I was going to get "MAD" and lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Gratefully a number of you jumped on the band wagon and joined me in my informal challenge. For someone who does not like challenges, not only do I have my own personal challenge going on, but I also joined a weight loss challenge at my gym. We are working to see who loses the most weight by December 31st. I'm so excited and I'm working as hard as I know to do. And.....


CRICKETS CHIRPING......





CHIRPING SOME MORE....





The scale has not moved!!!


I'm working like a dog in the gym and at home. Participated in and finished a 10k. I'm drinking more water and my calories have been up about 200 some days, because of the added workouts. I'm hungry!!!

But still....

The stupid scale has not moved!!!!!!!!!


So Frustrating!



Then I saw that Allan thew out a challenge. When I first saw it, I thought to myself, "Nope, ain't gonna do it"!! I not joining anymore stupid challenges. Because every time I do, I either work my butt off and miss my goal or nothing happens. So I dug my heals in deep. I was not going to do it.

Then he spoke about it again. Geez, I feel like he's cramming it down my throat. Allan you were talking only to me right? Anyway, I finally decided to look at the challenge. I stopped to see what the hubbub was about and after reading what was required, I got excited!!!

Take a look for yourself!


CHALLENGE RULES

• YOUR DAILY CALORIC INTAKE IS YOUR GOAL WEIGHT X 11 EVERYTHING YOU INGEST COUNTS AND NEEDS TO BE RECORDED


• YOU DRINK 64 OUNCES OF WATER DAILY


• NO CHEATING AND NO B...S....


• WEEKS, STARTING 10/25/2010


• WEIGH IN MONDAY MORNING AND WEIGH IN 11-08-10

This is a challenge I can do! What I like about this one, is there are specific things I need to do that pertain to my fitness and weight loss goals. I've seen other challenges out there that have you focus on your feelings or fun stuff and/or do anything but focus on weight loss. I don't get that. Shouldn't we be focusing on our weight loss & fitness goals? Anyway, just wondering...

So back to the challenge.

For me...

• My caloric intake needs to be 1595 calories per day. Shocking, after reviewing my calorie log book, I see that my calories have been 1600 - 1800 the past 2 months. Hum, is that why I have not been losing any weight?


• Water - lets see....I'm already drinking between 100-120oz per day. Whew that was an easy one.


• Don't cheat...Now here is the biggest and hardest part of this challenge. The next two weeks is a food fest for me!! Friday ~ Company potluck...Saturday ~ Harvest Party at my house...Sunday ~ Halloween...the next Sunday is my birthday!! YIKES. Why oh why did I commit to this type of challenge, during these two weeks. Hey where's the feel your feelings challenge? I think I could do that one.....Geez!!!!


• I started the challenge yesterday. I did not hit my 1595 calories for the day. I was over by 50 calories for a grand total of 1645. Not too bad for poor planning.

So here's the deal. I've been doing a pretty good job so far. Yeah 50 pounds in, now, 10 months. I've put a lot of hours on the treadmill and in the gym. I drank gallons and gallons of water. I have not had fast food for over 10 months (major miracle for me) and I do pretty well with my food. I make good choices, just have too much of it, obviously.

This challenge is so good for me, because it makes me really look at what's important in getting this weight off. Really, there can be no more fudging. Can't be! (Do you know that I have not been counting the creamer in my coffee all this time. Each cup is 50 calories and I could have 2-4 cups per day. That's up to 200 extra calories a day that I have not been counting. Also, I thought my oatmeal was 190 calories. After really looking at and re-measuring my food, I realized it's more like 400. I was having too much!!!

So you see. It pays off to take the time to really look at what you are doing. RECORD EVERYTHING you put in your mouth. It all counts!!

I'm taking this challenge to heart and I'm going to do everything in my power to stay on task. Even through all the parties and celebrations. I am going to do this!!!

This morning, after having a great day yesterday, calories reduced, I did 2o minutes of cardio (my trainer restricted me because of just doing the 10k) and all of my weight sets, and I had 120 oz of water. Do you know that stupid scale did not move.

Does not matter. I'm still going to do everything I'm supposed to!!

Pushing on....

What do you think, do you want to join us in this challenge?

Keep focused!

10k ~ Check!

Well friends, I made it!! First 10k on the books and ready for more!! I had an absolute blast!!

I went with my beautiful daughter and a friend from work. We set out on our journey @ 6:00am. Found our destination, got ready and by 8:20am I was on the road.

Here's the low down...

• Sadly I was tired. Yesterday was a kick butt day...My hubby made my spaghetti, but by the time it was done, we had to go to church. I thought I would eat after, but we did not get home until 10:30pm. Way too late for me to eat!! By the time I got into bed it was 11:30pm. Way to late for me! I tossed and turned, just too excited and finally at midnight I fell into a deep, peaceful, wonderful sleep. And then.....the biggest, loudest, scariest thunder rocked our house, waking us all up including the dogs, who then thought it a good idea to go into a barking frenzy. Needless to say, it was not the kind of night you would desire to have just prior to a sporting event.
  
• Then I was up @ 5:00am. I thought it a good idea to shower and wash my hair...why? I can't tell you. Well I was kind of thinking that I had such a hard night, that I might be refreshed with a shower. Yup it did the trick, but as I gathered my gear and was in my car headed for my daughters house, I realized that I had not had breakfast. YIKES!!!
  
• I get to my daughters in plenty of time and Bless her heart, she had a hearty bowl of oatmeal waiting for me. So I gobbled away and we soon set out.


• We arrive at our destination about the same time as my friend and found the starting line. Soon the half marathoners were off and we were waiting for our turn.
  
• We're lining up, most of the crazies were dressed in Halloween costumes, and we were ready to go. The gun goes off and we are on our way.
  
• Then thanks to our wonderful Oregon weather it begins to rain. And then it rains really hard. So I'm walking, remember I decided I could not run, and I'm just pluggin' along and after awhile all of the runners and really fast walkers were quite a ways ahead of me. I am not alarmed, just going my own pace, having fun, feeling good. And then something prompts me to take a look behind me and we were DEAD LAST!!!!! Not a soul behind me!!


• Yikes that was just not going to do it for me. There were a thousand people ahead of me!!! I was not going to stand for that. I was not going to come in last. So I picked me a target and started running. I ran and caught up to the first pack, passed some people, then started walking. I kept that up the whole way. We figured I probably ran 1 1/2 miles of the 6. Pretty good for me, since I was told by my doctor that I could not do it. HaHa - Yes I can!!!
  
• About mile 2 I saw a heavy set lady walking by herself and she was wearing a devil costume. Hummmm...Maybe I should not be surprised by what she did. So I see her up ahead of me. She was my next target, so I walked and ran and finally passed her with no problem. Feeling pretty good about myself, I kept that up with many other people. Then around mile 4 I see this same woman ahead of me again. I know it was her, I was targeted on the back of her body for quite awhile the first time I caught up to her. So I'm like, what the heck. I know she did not pass me, nobody passed me, where did she come from? Anyway, I retargeted her and passed her again. So now the pack is jockeying back a forth, I'm passing some people, they're passing me, as it goes. So at mile 5, I'm getting excited, we are almost to the end and there's that lady again. The big cheater!! Don't know how she knew how to weave in and out of the city blocks, but that's exactly what she did. So for the final time, I set my target and blew past the big cheater, cheater pants AGAIN!!!!!


• Finally the finish line was in sight. Of course, I had to run to the finish. My daughter who decided to run the whole thing in 70 minutes, was waiting with her camera. As I approached I could see her and went flying past her and she missed me. I called out to her and had to do a circle around, so I could get my picture taken. Well you gotta have one, and then I blasted through the finish line ~ 1 hour and 45 minutes later, I was not the last one in, there were 8 people behind me. (Kind of embarrassing, but not - do you know what I mean?)

Anyway, a couple of things I learned. 10k participants are really different from the 5k guys. I mean there was absolutely no messing around. They had a destination and they meant to get there ~ fast!! And I have to say that there were very few walkers in this category. After the running pack took off, there were only about 20-25 of us walking. So I guess I did not do too bad...considering!

The other thing is, I think it's really important to make sure you get done everything you need to prior to the event - food, rest, sleep etc. I tried, but got side tracked.

Shoes....shoes are very, very important! Mine felt like I was running with cardboard on my feet. Not comfortable at all. I will be looking into new pair shortly!!

Wearing layers is so important. I forgot to tell you that it rained only 1 mile of the event. The rest of the way was great, sunny and clear. Wished I had had my sunglasses. Who knew I would need them? Anyway, I was glad I could shed off some of my clothes when it got warmer.

Anyway that's it. I made it, had fun, broke a belief barrier (I CAN RUN) and have my time to beat, for the next big event. I'm thinking 10k Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day!!

What about you, have you done something lately that you thought you could not do?

Hugs!

Preparation...

Tomorrow is the big day. My first 10k!!!!

How in the world did I think I could ever do this? Well...first came the desire! After that came the preparation....

• I have had to do a lot of mental work to even get to the point where I could sign up. Breaking through belief barriers are tough. I have gone back and forth so many times, it's crazy. (Please note, I'm not running this thing, I'm walking. Just not up to running with the knee yet. Hoping I can do it next year) So many times I've said to myself, "I can do it"...."No, I can't do it"...."Yes you can"....No I can't"! I feel like Sybil (For those of you who are too young to know about her, there was a movie (true story) about a young woman named Sybil, whose childhood was so harrowing to her that she developed at least 13 different personalities.) She talked to herself a lot. Anyway that's how I've been feeling. Strong, weak, really strong, pathetic...When I signed up I was huge!!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!


• The next thing I had to do was budget. Now it was only $20 to enter, but with my tight budget I had to make it work. Check - got it done!!!


• Next I had to prepare physically. I have been strength training for quite a while now and pushing myself on the Treadmill. Now I know there's a huge difference between walking on the Treadmill and walking on the ground. I hope I've done enough work to make this happen. I know that I can do a 20 minute mile. Kind of slow, but for the mental part, I had to know how long it would take me to get this done.


• Now the fun part. Clothes....Well I did not have anything to wear, what's new! That's when my hubby came to the rescue. I have my running shoes and socks (the socks are black and orange - Hey, I forgot to tell you, we are supposed to dress up - it's Halloween for goodness sakes!!), then I added my orange t-shirt that says "This is my costume" and I had a pair of leggings that fit great and that's all I had. My hubby gave me his medium t-shirt (with the kind of fabric that wicks out the sweat - whoo hoo!!!), his water proof running jacket, his ear warmers and his cool Keen cap!! I am set to go!!


• Next I prepared my body....Last night I went to bed at my regular time and slept in this morning. Today, I'm planning on eating healthy meals, ending with spaghetti and bread for dinner. Getting to bed early. Then it's up at 5:00am to set out on my journey!


• Finally, I'll end my prep with prayer!! Really can't do anything with out the help from the Lord. Only He can help me overcome so many of the things I fear and can't do on my own. I know He will help me be triumphant and will make this a successful event. Also, I added a little extra prayer for the weather. Tomorrow, we are supposed to have the third of rain and wind storms that are supposed to hit our state. They are predicting over an inch of rain....So far, storm one and two have not been too bad...Storm 3.....well who knows. I'm praying for a window of no rain or wind between 7:30 am to 1:00pm.....After that bring it on!!!

Rock On!!!

Have you ever participated in a 5k, 10k, half marathon? How do you prepare?

Hugs!

More than just talk...

I have been on this journey since January 2010 and I have lost 51 pounds so far!!

Good for me....However, I still have a long way to go...I've got 78 more pounds of fat to lose.

This is not a time to slack off or give up, my journey is not over....I've got a lot to do!!!

With that said, I've had to take some time to ask myself some questions that have been bugging me lately.

Here goes...

• Am I losing this weight for me or someone else?


• Am I putting my full effort into my food selection, prep and presentation (Good nutrition and pleasing to the eye)?


• Am I putting my full effort into drinking my water?


• Am I putting my full effort into my exercise/fitness program?


• Am I putting my time into my blogging to please others or to help others?


• Am I being honest with all aspects of this journey?


• Am I truly giving it my all?

Have you ever asked yourself these types of questions?

Do you know how you would answer them?

I once was involved with a cosmetics company that allowed me to actually make enough money to quit my day job and work "part time" for them and make a full time income. I was totally sucked in....I purchased my kit, a new computer and company software, office supplies and a complete inventory of products. My thought was, I would buy everything necessary to be successful in this business. My business was open and just getting off the ground. However, after some time, I realized I would not be making this grand living just selling to my friends and family, it was time to hit the streets. I mean if I really wanted to do well and make money, I had to go outside my bounds of familiarity and comfort and meet more people. So I got some nerve and I tried and tried to make this happen. After many, many attempts, I soon found out that I had trouble approaching women and asking them for their business. I just could not do it.

All the while, my boss had weekly sales meeting and she wanted to see that we were selling the product. Well instead of selling it, I just kept buying it and giving it away to my friends and family at my costs. Yeah it looked like I had sales, but I was not making any money. And because I thought having more product on my shelf would help me sell more, I just kept getting more and more into debt.

Looking back I can see that I did this because I loved the recognition of being one of the tops sales gals in the group. Yeah, I was totally moving product, but going broke in the process. Week after week, I kept going, loving more and more the praise and accolades that come with being a winner. On the outside I was happy as can be, but on the inside....well I did not fair so well. After some time, I was so guilt ridden because of the tremendous debt I was adding to my family and because I was lying to my boss and the others in my group. I was not "really" selling, I was not finding new customers, I was not working the plan.....I was just "feeding" the need to be accepted and praised for a job well done. I did not do a good job, I failed...

You see there was so much more to that business other than just being a good person, or desiring to have a business, or quit my job or having everything needed to do the work. It was about doing the WORK!! DOING THE HARD STUFF, EVERY DAY...CONSISTENTLY!!

Since I was unwilling to do the things that would help me to succeed, my business failed.

What does this have to do with weight loss you might ask? EVERYTHING!!!

It's the same concept. You can have a great scale, cute workout clothes, the best running shoes...You can have the most perfect food plan and menus, awesome workout schedule and a kick butt trainer...You can say all the inspiration you want on your blog...

But the reality is....

Unless you are willing to be honest with what is really going on and be willing to do the work, the real work that makes a difference....You are going to fail.

I know what I'm talking about. Both in the business world and in my personal walk through this journey.

Don't get me wrong, I've had some success. But it's not with the effort of a true winner. I'm sloppy, sluggish at times, unwilling to do the hard work, and not honest with you or myself about what I'm "really" putting in my mouth. Friends, I'm not doing all I can do...I can do more!!!

Today, I'm on the success journey. No more messing around. It's time to clean up and get this thing done!! No more wasting time!!!

Are you with me?

Hugs!

New Experience...

It has finally happened....I was not recognized!!!!

A friend from my old church came into the office yesterday and was talking to my boss. This friend totally looked at me, stared for a few seconds and then looked away. The whole time he's looking at me, I'm walking toward him, smiling like a Cheshire Cat, all toothy and goofy looking, and he just looks away. I'm like, what's up with that? I gave him my best, I know you, friend smile and he looked right past me. He had absolutely no recollection in his expression at all. He did not recognize me!!!

I just saw him and his wife about 6 months and 30 plus pounds ago, while I was shopping. We chatted for quite a while, so I know he could not have forgotten me. Plus I've known him for years!! Have I really changed that much?!? So weird!!

Anyway, after I realized that he was not going to acknowledge me, I felt all awkward, so I diverted my direction so I would not have to approach him. He was probably relieved and wondering, who's the nut case with the goofy smile ~ what's up with her? I was so embarrassed!!

I was surprised that this has happened already. It's amazing what a 50 pound weight loss can do for a person. I am sure that this is going to happen again, as most of my friends and acquaintances, except for family, close friends and coworkers, have seen me this small!! I have to be ready and "willing" to show off the new me!!! What an exciting new experience!!!

I'm a different me!!!

SO AWESOME!!

Has this ever happened to you? I would love to hear about it!!

Hugs!

I'm back....So much is happening!!!!

Friends, I have missed you!!! My computer is on its last leg....Sadly it's not connecting to the Internet anymore. So now I'm using my hubby's computer. I would like to say, that I adjust to change easily, but find myself fighting the urge to use his. It's different from mine ~ the keyboard and monitor screen are so small. Not the same as my old friend. Plus this one is quiet, mine makes a lot of noise. Oh well...here I go!!

Things have been going great the last couple of days.....

Finally back down to 223 pounds. I had gained 2 pounds in September from all of my traveling and routine changes. I still stuck to my plan, but my body resisted my efforts. So my trainer and I have reved up my cardio and weight training. We are pushing to new limits for me!! For the most part, I'm doing OK with this new routine, but find my knees are talking a little more than usual. Now I'm experiencing "little" new pains. I have old injuries on both knees (Meniscus) - no pain there thankfully. But now I get little tweaks of pain on top of the knee caps. I think I'm going to start my daily physical therapy stretches and legs strengthening exercises again. Hopefully that will help.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY, IT'S TERRIBLE WHEN YOU ARE NEGLECTFUL OF IT AND THEN WHEN YOU ARE "READY" YOU TRY TO MAKE IT WORK LIKE IT USED TO. BUT THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE ~ IT DOES NOT WORK THE SAME WAY......DON'T GET TO THIS POINT ~ GET HEALTHY NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!

Whew I feel better!

I've had a great food week, even though I had several occasions where food was in abundance! Happily I can say I did great in passing by these temptations without any problems. You know, in looking back, these occasions were not even really a temptation to me. I just did not have the desire to go there. Who knew that I would ever get to this place in my life!!

Example....

At work...Early last week a vendor brought in 2 large boxes of muffins. I bet there were 8 HUGE muffins in each box, for the 14 of us to share. When I went to our Cafe to get some coffee, I saw the muffins displayed on the table. Do you know that I almost lost my cookies. First of all the smell was...disgusting!! It made me almost want to vomit - just too sweet. Then when I finally took a look at them, I realized how big they were. I bet they were at least 2 muffins in 1, maybe 3. They were huge!!! I thought, in the old days, I would have thought I had done died and gone to heaven. Probably would have eaten one and then snacked on another one that same day. It was repulsive to see how big these things were. Sadly all but 3 were eaten at the end of the day. (Not by me!)

Then on Friday, we had a breakfast for National Boss' Day. We had fruit, yogurt w/granola, juice and donuts. Again, 24 donuts were purchased - remember there are only 14 of us. They even had my favorite - maple bars! But I resisted!!! Well actually I was well fed prior to our celebration, so when I got there, the only thing that looked good to me was the yogurt and granola. So I had a small bowl, which was delicious! So I guess I've crossed over to the healthy side, because I was thinking that my little bowl was not quite enough so I decided to have a little more. I don't think that I have ever wanted to stuffed myself with yogurt before. Donuts yes, but never yogurt. It was sooo good. So I had had enough, I got the warning from my tummy that I was full and I stopped, even though I did not want to. I think this is progress for me!

At my cookie decorating class...We had 12 large sugar cookies to decorate and it took 3 hours of instruction to get them done. So here I am, 12 large cookies in front of me, (Sugar cookies are one of my favorites) and we have frosting (Also a weakness!). And for the first time, I get through the class, looking at everything like I would art supplies. No desire to eat a cookie or taste the frosting. I remember one time, I had some frosting on my finger and I licked it off. But it was like when I was a kid and I licked paste off of my fingers. So gross!! I quickly found my towel and rubbed the frosting off of my tongue. Just did not taste good to me. (It was so funny watching the other ladies licking the frosting off of their fingers. Kind of like they were hiding that they were doing it. I don't think they realized how many times they did this. They would put the frosting tip to the cookie, then lick the tip. Over and over. The other thing was, it seemed like there was sugar floating in the air. You could taste it and I felt like I had it all over my face. Did not really have to eat any, just smelling it was enough!)

At home...After the cookie class, the next wave of food was coming. We had the family over again for dinner. We had Tortellini soup, with salad and bread. I had everything, but just enough to fit into my calories for the day. I was totally satisfied and did not even have any of the cookies I brought home. By the end of the night, all but one of the 12 cookies were gone and not one of them made it to my mouth. Fortunately the one left over is covered in black sprinkles and does not look appealing to me ~ It will most likely end up in the trash!

So looking back over the week, I think the most important thing that happened for me, is planning. I saw what was coming and I made sure that I was rested and my body was fed with good, nutritious food. When the other sweet stuff came, it held nothing for me. I was not even interested.

PLAN...PLAN....PLAN.....

Everyday I made sure that I was well rested and had my regular food planned. Never did I allow myself to get too tired or too hungry.

For my cookie class, which was from 10am to 1pm, I made sure to packed my lunch. I knew I would be hungry after looking at cookies for that long. In the old days, what do you think I would have done if I had gotten into my car and I was hungry? Yep you guessed it ~ I would DRIVE THRU ANYTHING and fill up with junk!! Fortunately I had thought ahead, so when I got done with the class, I jumped in the car and I had a delightful lunch with protein, fruits and vegetables - plus I had my water. When I got home, I was totally satisfied!! And I did not eat any of my cookies!!!

For me...Planning is the key!!!!

OK...Next Sunday is my 10k walk!! I'm a little concerned about my knees. Please pray that they will stop hurting, that my legs will be strong and I will have endurance enough to get this done!!

Love & Hugs!

Wonder who told me I couldn't

Yesterday I did something I thought I would never do...Something that I thought I couldn't do. And I wonder....who told me I couldn't?



My poor trainer wants to push me to the next level in my fitness training. I'm getting there, ever so slowly. I will do what she says, but only what she says. I put in a great effort, but there is more she wants from me. So we have been baby stepping along the way and sort of getting me where she wants.



For the past couple of months I been at a plateau. She has been gently, (not her usual Jillian Michaels style), trying to tell me that in order to blast past the plateau I need to push harder with my cardio.



I have been somewhat reluctant to go there due to my feet and knee problems. But she keep pushing me and says, as long as I don't experience pain, I'm good to go....



Last night, I finally gave in.....



You know what? I did everything she said to do. I worked out on the Treadmill for 25 minutes, doing intervals with an incline. (Which I was told or thought I could not do) UP TO 10 INCLINE FOR MINUTES AT A TIME.....Then she increased my speed. I am your classic 3.4 speed girl. Can't go higher unless I run. Oh ho ho....YES I CAN...She had me up to 3.7 ~ WALKING!



Most of you will be laughing your heads off....3.7 speed.....10 incline. Huh! You could do it in your sleep.



For me....This was a belief buster!!!



Whoever told me that I could not do this was wrong. I can do it and I DID IT!!!!!



The other thing she had me do was work on the Elliptical. I tried it for the first time, last week, and died at 5 minutes with no incline. Yesterday she had me on it for 10 minutes, with an incline (don't know how high, because I don't understand the machine yet) and we did 15 second intervals at high speed. (Well my high speed, but it was really fast!!)



Once again, whoever said that I could not do this was WRONG!!!



Makes me wonder....who is this person who keeps telling me that I can't do things?



Hummm I wonder...



Could it possibly be me?



I might be onto something here. So if I told myself that I could not walk on a Treadmill at 10 incline and a 3.7 speed.....Then what other things have I told myself I could not do? What other things could I accomplish if only I would get out of my own way? Where would I be in a year or years to come if I would adopt an attitude that I can, instead of convincing myself that I can't?



I think today I'm going to quit listening to myself, push through the hard stuff. starting doing and I'm going to adopt that attitude of "I CAN"!

What about you. Do you tell yourself that you can't?

Hugs!

I can "SEE" the whole package!

For many years I have been trying to visualize what I would look like as a thin person. In my mind, I could see my head and I could see my body, but I could never put the two together. It was like I could see myself walking around and my head was suspended from my body ~ It was just floating there!

The only thing I could do, because I just could not see it for myself, was to visualize my sister's face and body. We look a lot alike only she's of normal weight. So I could kind of get the mental picture I was looking for.

I have to give my Sis some credit...because I never really could do it before and here's why. She had gained a substantial amount of weight after having her 3 babies. About the time she was ready to lose her weight, I had told her that I was, once again, going to get this weight off. I had started a journal at that time and I had told her that it was really helpful for me, as I tend to forget what I've eaten. Well she took the whole journal idea to heart. She journalled all her food, water, exercise (same way I'm doing it now). She focused and she worked hard and lost over 90 pounds. Now that was many years ago and she's kept it off. I on the other hand abandoned the great plan and kept gaining more and weight.

Here's where the credit comes....I've never really acknowledged what an amazing feat that was for her. And here's why.....She had always been a thin person...her whole life. Growing up, she used to be able to eat bags of Doritos chips without gaining an ounce. Geez, if I just smelled the chips, I would gain a pound. So my thought process was, she's just a thin person on the inside, so it was "EASY" for her to lose her weight. I never realized that it was a struggle for her to lose weight, just like it's a struggle for me. It's not EASY for anyone. I just thought thin people had it easier.

Anyway, I never gave her credit for all of her hard work and many accomplishments. So sorry my dear Sis!! Congrats on losing all your weight and for keeping it off all these years!! You look GREAT!!!

I just realized that I am a thin person on the inside too and I'm going to do the same thing she did!!! And I can wait!!

OK back to the visualization thing....So last night I was thinking about this whole process. And FINALLY I saw a vision of me, with my head connected. I could see my smiling face and my thin body all in one piece. I could see the WHOLE PACKAGE!!!! This is like a break through for me!!!

I don't know why this has been so difficult for me. I do know that it was important for me to get there. Well I'm here and ready to finally see it in real life!!!


I now know that it will happen, I'm going to succeed at losing this weight. I am going to get thin, fit and healthly!!!! Can't wait!!!

In your mind, can you visualize yourself thin?

Hugs!

Judging Others - I don't like what I see in me...

I feel the Refiners Fire on me! What that means is God is working on me...He has identified an ugly area in my life that needs some work and He's searing it out with His fire! It hurts! I don't like it, but I am willing to go through this so I can be the women He wants me to be....

Yesterday I went to a Women of Faith Conference. It's a Christian women’s organization that has been holding non-denominational conferences at various locations around North America since 1996. (Info from Web definition) Anyway this year they had Michelle Aguilar as one of their speakers. She was the grand prize winner of Season 6 of The Biggest Loser Show. I could not wait to see her and hear her story. This year's conference theme was ~ Imagine - Escape from the everyday and be refreshed, encouraged and inspired. The God who loves you can do far more than you can ever Imagine.

Great topic right?


I did not quite walk away from the conference refreshed, encouraged and or inspired, but God did give me more than I imagined. What I walked away with was something that none of the speakers spoke of, as least I don't remember them speaking about this, but it's something the Lord showed me last night, something that does not please Him and that is...

I judge others...


You see I have had a life long history of judging other people. The first thing I do is judge...I have realized this through the years and have had to really fight to keep from doing it. I have learned that I have to look at the person or situation at face value and then let it play out. Usually I'm wrong on my first judgement about someone. I've learned if I intensely judge someone, they most likely will end up being my best friend. So, now it's kind of fun, when I get that notion, I realized that I'm looking at my new best friend!!

However, what is not fun, is I've made judgements about some people and have actually ended up with or doing whatever it was I judged. Example....

When I was a kid, I went to the animal barns at the State Fair. We happened to be in the pig barn and we were looking at the huge hogs. Passing by a stall I looked in and saw this huge piece of flesh that I thought was a pig. Turns out it was a huge women, wearing shorts, laying on a cot, sleeping. My first thought was, Oh my Gosh!!! I will never, never, never allow myself to get like that...

Well........I did.

Another time, I came across a women who was so bad mouthing a person and gossiping that I found her most unpleasant and discontinued talking to her. Not more than a few minutes later, while I was with my friend, I started doing the same thing. I did not realize it, until after I had already spewed my vile hatred. Somehow I felt I was justified in doing this behavior. Never occurred to me that the women I was listening to before, probably felt the same way. Neither of of us were right. There is no good reason to do what either of us did.


Then....I saw a man at a grocery store. He had little bumps all over his face and arms. The bumps were not pimples or pussy or anything like that. Just small, medium and large raised bumps. He was working in the concession booth of all places. I could never understand why the company allowed him to work in an area with food, when he looked at that. Every time I went there, I prayed that he would not help me. (Right now I can see his face and his eyes are speaking to me to understand) Do I have tears now - You bet!! Anyway, I started getting those same bumps on my arms ~ I have two. They just raise up and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them, except burn them off. This poor man has hundreds, maybe thousands of them. He would be a scared mess if he had them burned off, not to mention the pain this would cause him. And I judged him!!!!


Wretched ME!!!!!!!!!!!


Those are just a couple of things, from my past, that I am willing to dredge up to tell you how vile I can be. However, there is just one more that is fresh, that I will share.


Last night at the Women of Faith Conference, Michelle Aguilar from The Biggest Loser made her entrance onto the stage and I was shocked. She has gained some weight back. She does not even look the same, I almost did not recognize her. The women's face on the brochure, did not look like the same women on the stage. I was so disappointed for her. Again, that evil judgement came to my mind. I thought, what in the world....You've had all this training, knowledge, and help and YOU'VE ALLOWED YOURSELF TO GET FAT AGAIN!!!! Augh, I just don't get it.


So I went home from the conference, so conflicted and mad. I just did not understand how she could let this happen.....


You know I've been on my journey since January 2010. I've had help from a Nutritionist and personal trainer. I have you guys and tons of support from my family and friends. I have tools ~ my scale, journal, doctors etc.


And you know what? I too did not turn to them. Yesterday I had a terrible food day and to top it off, last night I ate about a cup of M&M's. When I totalled up my calories for the day, I logged in over 3000 calories for the entire day!!!!


Who am I to judge Michelle Aguilar.....when I too can't keep it together?


There are so many reasons why people judge others. Just Google "Why do we judge" and you will see it's a common problem.


I would have loved to come across something that would just sum it all up in a nice package, but could not spend the time finding it.


So here's is why I think I do it.....It's because I just don't have enough knowledge, I don't understand the person or situation and I have fear....


I guess that is why, God allowed the same things to happen to me. Now that I know and/or have experienced where people are coming from, I get a new understanding. Life is hard. Things happen to us that are out of our control. We can only do with what we have to work with. We can only do our best.


I know that now!

I no longer judge these people or myself. All I can see now, is there eyes, looking at me, pleading for me to understand. I get it. I understand and I love you!!!!

Forgive me!!!!


I pray that God has seared judgement from my heart....and I ask Him to instead give me love, understanding and compassion for people and things I don't understand....

Don't be thinking that?

The seasons have changed and here in Oregon we are in full blown fall. The leaves are changing and falling everywhere!! It's just beautiful!!! The weather has been great ~ A little foggy in the mornings, sunny and chilly the rest of the day. It's time for hunkering down in our cozy nests...it's time for hot chocolate and comfort foods. It's time to rest!!

HA! I don't feel restful at all. I feel like I'm reving up!!! Gone are the lazy days of summer, it's time now to get our running shoes on ~ the holidays are near!!!!!

My calendar is already filling up with holiday plans. Yes even now, I've got stuff planned through the end of October and my "Things to do" list is growing for November & December!


There is little time left after working all day, running errands, Family, ministry, laundry, cooking, cleaning and all the holiday prep stuff, to do what I need to do for myself.

The next 3 months are going to be rough! My schedule will be full of activities and fun as well as the normal every day stuff.


It seems so appealing right now to......and I know there are others of you who feel the same way I do.....to just put our health & fitness plans on the back burner "FOR NOW" and just get through the holidays.

You are thinking there is just not enough time left in the day for me. You also might be thinking, what would be the harm just putting off my plan until January? What would it hurt? I mean the holidays are more important ~ right?


If you are thinking that right now, STOP IT!!!!


There is nothing about the holiday season that is more important than you. Well except for Jesus' Birthday, religious and spiritual matters ~ you know what I mean! There is no reason or activity that should go before your weight loss and fitness plan.

With that said. The holidays are coming~ it's going to get busy and chaotic ~ we all know this. Take time today to start planning how you are going to get all of the things that you "need" to do for yourself first and then how are you going to get things done for the holidays.


For me I want to do it all. So I've got my lists going of the things that need to be done. Instead of scheduling full days to take care of everything, I do a little bit every day. So far, I'm busy, but not so busy I can't get things done for me.


I've also noticed that my plans don't always work out. People and things get in the way. I have found that I have to be able to shift gears and be flexible with my time. Also it helps to have a back up plan. If you can't get to the gym, take a walk around the block or on your treadmill. Plan your menus ahead of time. Have snacks in the car (we will be in them a lot!!). Drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep!!! We can do this!!!


I'm already starting to feel pressure and stress each day and I've been thinking about putting my plan on hold. I fight every day to keep focused. I have to remember that I'm worth all of this hard work. I'm worth it ~ even if I can't get everything else done. I don't care what happens, I'm going to get what I need for me done first ~ I'm worth it!!!!


Bottom line is....Don't put your plan off until January. Don't stop now and lose your momentum. Keep focused and push through. And don't ever give up!!!

Won't you be proud of yourself, if you make it through the holidays, still working your plan and losing weight? It might be the first time that you've not had to start a new weight loss and fitness plan in January. You will still be "WORKING" your plan. You don't have to start over! Yeah!!

Keep focused my friends!!! WE CAN DO THIS!!!!

Are you thinking about putting your weight loss and fitness plan on hold until January?

Hugs!!!

Choices

Choices ~ We all have them to make. Some choices allow you do just enough to get by and some choices help you succeed and accomplish your goals.

I went to the gym last night and this is what I saw.

There were lots of people who had taken the time out of their busy lives to come to the gym to work out. Don't know their stories, but I imagine there are tons of other things they would rather do. But there they were, in the gym....

Everybody in that place had a choice to make. They could spend their time pushing themselves to their limit or they could just can get by.

Last night I saw both sides. One lady was on the bike. She had her book and ear phones in ~ Multi-tasking!!! She started with a good pace and as she got into her book, there were moments when she would pause and literally stop peddling. Then she would get back to it. There was no look of determination, no grit or fire in her face ~ she looked bored. Kind of like she was on a park bench, not really noticing the beauty of the park, just sitting there watching the world fly past her! Missed what was right in front of her.

Then I notice HER.....She is about my height, well 5'4" if you don't know. She was wearing a lavender outfit ~ It was a latex skirt and halter top. It looked like a tennis outfit, can't describe it any better. Anyway she looked fantastic. She was running and had a look of determination on her face. I don't know how long she had been running, but she was all red faced and sweaty. Fatigue must have been setting in, because I heard her say, "Push through", "Do it", "Come on".... Then for fun she would do a few sparing jabs to break up the monotony. Can I say "ROCK STAR"?

After 30 minutes of running, she jumped off of the Treadmill and gets on an Eliptical machine. She works out on that for another 10 minutes and then jumps off of that machine and hits the weights.

This women is determined, you can see it all over her face. She had fire and purpose in what she was doing. She did not take her time lightly in the gym. She made things happen, she got the job done and she did it well!!!

I wanna be just like her!!

Please note, I am not judging others and I don't know their story, but I liken myself to the women on the bike. Most of the time, I'm there putting my time in. The days I work out with my trainer, I am just like my rock star friend in the lavendar suit. When I'm on my own, I'm more like my bike riding friend ~ there to put my time in.

I want to put the rock star momentum in all of my workouts. I want to be able to wear a cute workout suit, push myself to my limit, get the results that I desire, and be that example for others who want to be just like me.

Do you just put in your time at the gym, or do your push yourself to your limit?

Hugs!

Floating on a Cloud....

Went to the gym tonight and worked out with my trainer. She increased my weights, so I got a great workout ~ My muscles are feeling it now!!! After we were done, I rode the bike for 35 minutes. When I left the gym to go home, I felt like I was floating on a cloud.

My legs felt amazing!! They have never felt this good before. They feel so strong! When I was walking to the car, it did not even seem like my feet were hitting the ground. The feeling was so awesome!! This has never happened to me before. Makes me want more!!

Only lost 5 pounds since I weighed in with my trainer on 7/28/10. Yikes!!! Certainly not enough. I totally know what I did wrong and I know where I need to improve. One of the things that happened was I let life happen and I lost my focus! For a long while, I did not even realize I had lost it. Looking back over my book where I track everything, I can see where I fell down.

Inconsistent in journaling my food & calories and my calories were all over the place. Some weeks I only exercised a couple of times . Some days I did not get enough water. Prior posts show me that I was whiny! Sorry my friends....



This is not the person I want to be!!!

Sitting here I look up at my bulletin board and see my inspiration, or what was supposed to be my inspiration. The board is right where I sit when I am blogging. I've looked at that board every day. But during my times of trouble, I did not even see something that might have inspired me to push through and get back to my plan.

I have a purple post it note that says: Make a choice and move forward!!!!

I guess somewhere along the way, before I slipped too far from my plan, I made that choice. I am moving forward!!!

Told my trainer today, that I wanted to win the fitness challenge they have at the gym. Told her I don't even know what the prize is, but I'm gonna win it!!!

Working toward that goal everyday!!

How about you....do you need to make the choice to move forward?

Hugs!

I'm Back....New Bucket List for Fall

Went through a rough patch....Lost my way for just a little while. No real damage done ~ No weight gain (but no weight loss either). Still exercised, journaled food, got my water in etc. Still stayed on the path, even though I struggled.....

Thanks to you, my super, supportive, wonderful friends, I'm back in the swing of things again because of your awesome support, love, and prayers. Today I feel hopeful and excited. I've got a new plan in place and I'm ready to go!!!

My summer bucket list was so successful, I decided to do one for the fall. I find these lists really help me stay organized as well as they are great reminders of all the fun I had. There is nothing worse then realizing in September, that you wanted to do fun things in the summer. Then you're bummed out because you missed the opportunity. I've done that for years and I finally got tired of wasting my time and missing out on some fun!

This past summer I had 15 items on my bucket list and I got 13 of them done. (See results below).

Here is my "NEW BUCKET LIST FOR THE FALL"....

1.) Start & Participate in the Fitness Challenge at the gym.

2.) Pumpkin Patches Every Weekend!

3.) Read 3 books.

4.) Take a Cookie Decorating Class.

5.) Take the Grand babies swimming.

6.) Have Harvest Party for family.

7.) Send Family Newsletter.

8.) Volunteer at the Union Gospel Mission.

9.) Cookie day with daughter & granddaughters.

10.) Arts & Crafts Day.

11.) Plant Fall Flowers.

12.) Run Like Hell – 5(k).


Here's my summer Bucket List. I had a BLAST!!!!!!!!!


1.) Sign up for one of the Dragon Boat Row Teams and row 2 days a week. Then enter at least one race. DID NOT GET THIS ONE DONE. I DID MY RESEARCH A LITTLE TOO LATE AND WAS NOT ABLE TO FIND A TEAM THAT WANTED A NEWBIE. THEY WERE ALREADY IN RACE MODE.

2.) Movie night on the deck. Set up our equipment in the backyard, get our blankies and watch movies. DONE!

3.) Go to the Farmer's Market on Tuesday nights! They have music, art and of course fresh fruits and veggies. It's a blast! DONE!

4.) Read 3 fun books. DONE ~ I ACTUALLY READ 16 BOOKS - THANK GOODNESS FOR THE LIBRARY!!!

5.) Sign up and attend a Ballroom Dance class ~ A Crash Course for Weddings. Get us ready for our sons wedding in September. DONE! SUPER FUN!!!

5.) Camp at least 2 times. (If we can't get to the recreation area, at least have a couple camp nights out on our deck - it's so much fun!!) DONE ~ WE HAD 3 CAMP TRIPS THIS YEAR!

6.) Take the family boating several times. Get the 2 1/2 year old Grand baby up on skis for the first time. DONE ~ SHE DID IT ~ OUR GRAND DAUGHTER ROCKS!

7.) Take a dinner cruise with some friends on the lake. DID NOT GET THIS DONE - JUST DID NOT HAVE TIME!

8.) Have a least 1 BBQ with our family at our house. DONE ~ A COUPLE OF TIMES!!

9.) Take the Grand babies swimming. DONE ~ A COUPLE OF TIMES!

10.) Go to the beach and fly our kites. DONE ~ HAD A BLAST!!!


11.) Go to a water park with my sister and her husband. DID NOT GET THIS ONE DONE ~ NO TIME OR MONEY!!

12.) Plan a shopping day with my daughter. DONE ~ THAT'S WHY I HAVE NO MONEY!

13.) Volunteer for a summer project with my church. DONE ~ THIS WAS A 2 MONTH PROJECT ~ COOKED HAMBURGERS & HOT DOGS, EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, FOR OUR CONGREGATION & THE HOMELESS COMMUNITY IN OUR AREA. SO AWESOME!

14.) Start a Bible study with my neighbor. DONE ~ STILL WORKING ON OUR LESSONS!

15.) Arts & Crafts Day. DONE ~ MADE SOME CARDS, PAINTED A WOODEN SIGN FOR MY CRAFT ROOM, MADE SOME BEADED BOOKMARKS.

I would highly recommend creating your very own Bucket List. It's so much fun looking back at the things that got accomplished. The fun things!!!

Did you start your list yet?

Hugs!

Just so stupid for so many reasons

OK it's 10:15pm....I'm tired, I still have my street clothes and make up on, I've been reading too many blogs ~ my eyes hurt, I did not do anything I said I would do tonight, I should be in bed - because I want to get up @ 7am tomorrow and get to the gym, I'm scared to get out of my chair - because I just heard a noise that sounded like a gun shot (my curtains are open and the lights are on - I'm a total...huge....TARGET!), and I ate 3 cookies, some candy corn (Ack...I hate the stuff) and some cearl while reading weight loss blogs......Stupid huh?

Is there any hope for me?

I feel like I'm going crazy...I get my focus, lose my focus, hate myself, worry about everything...Then I get my focus, lose my focus...Do you get the picture?

I really think, the bottom line with this little slump I'm in is I need to quit fretting, worrying, and fussing about what's not happening....and I just need to make stuff happen!!!

I need to do what I say I'm going to do, work hard, stay focused and drive this baby home....

I can do this....Right? I mean what's the big deal. I've been doing it for 9 months and I can keep on doing it. Nothings stopping me!

I'm going to get restarted....This time with a new urgency, determination and a steadfast resolve that I'm going to get this done.

Nuff said....NO MORE WHINING!!!!

Night!