Yesterday was a TOUGH day!! But I made it!
It was really rough writing what I wrote yesterday....About feeling a little blue...
Here's some reasons why...
1.) I got myself in a pinch again! My whole life I've wanted a mentor. Someone who I could complain to, cry with and share successes. And every time I find one, I end up being their mentor. Somewhere deep inside of me I want to help, fix them, focus on their stuff. Once I get in that position in the relationship, the focus shifts and then it really all about them and not about me. Leaving me again, without the support and guidance I need.
When I started my blog, I VOWED TO MYSELF, that I would be honest with what is really going on. For a while, I was doing it....Then, without me even realizing it....I shifted back to my helpful, joyful, cheery, encouraging self. Looking for ways to help everybody else!
I can look back on what I've written and I can see, in a small way, I was telling the truth of where I was. But always, always leaving some sort of encouraging way out of my trouble. For the most part, I was real and did the things I said I would do.
But there has been this growing monster in me, that I was not sharing, the real truth of what I have been feeling.
I now realize that I did not want to disappoint you....I did not want you to see me as a weak person. I always want to be the encourager. Offer some "Nugget of Truth" that will help you get to your next level. I thought if I shared my pain, that you would not see me as the encourager anymore.
Is that stupid or what?
Here's a Nugget for you...Be as honest as you can be here. This is a safe place. People on this blog really do care. I have some awesome friends here and they share from their heart and they give the best love, encouragement and sometimes a kick in the butt (Chris). But I appreciate every one of you. YOU Bless me in so many ways. I am so thankful you share a part of my life, that really nobody else gets to do. You are my friends and I love you!
Nuff of that....
2.) The picture thing bugged me more than I thought. I have regrets and it hurts to realize that I wrecked some things in my kids life. Not just about the pictures, but I was the fat mom, the mom who was too tired, the stressed mom, the mom who made excuses. I can't make that better!!! I can't! I can't give them back the childhood they deserved. It's too late!
Nugget of Truth...Moms and Dads, right now, make a decision to get your health in order. You think you have all the time in the world to get this done. But I'm telling you....The time you have with your kids is a blink. It goes by so fast, your head spins. I cannot believe that I have 3 grown kids, all out of the house. It seems like yesterday, they were born. Now I have grand babies. I can guarantee you that I'm not going to waste anymore time with my kids and grand kids. I am going to be the mom and grandma (Baboo as my grand daughter calls me) they can be proud of. I'm not wasting any more time!! Please I beg you. Don't do what I did. Get you health and life in order. Get it done NOW!!
3.) The wedding is looming....Only a couple of weeks to go and I'm just short of my goal of losing 60 pounds. I really, really wanted that to happen. Well I guess I really didn't because I did not make it happen. It's disappointing to me.
Other people have shared their pain with this type of thing, missing their goals, and I have to say that I did not get it. I'm like, "look what you have already done!! Don't discount that"....Well I'm sorry...I did not realize what it felt like to be here. For those that I said that to, please forgive me. I get it now.
It's not that I don't appreciate where I am now, its that I am DISAPPOINTED that I could not make the right decisions, so I could be where I WANTED to be. It's really that simple. I did it. I made the decisions I made and they were not good for me. I look back and can think of the things I ate, the workouts that were marginal, the times I did not work out and the laziness of my focus and I can see that there were PLENTY of opportunities where I could have made better decisions that would have helped me get to my goal.
THERE'S ANOTHER NUGGET FOR YOU!!!! Something I can give you.....Knowledge...That is. if you really want something, you have take the opportunity, tools and knowledge and make it happen!! YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR FOCUS AND DO IT!!!!!!!!!
THAT SIMPLE!
4.) Another thing that contributed to my distress, was I tried to run again on Thursday. Started out OK. I did my 5 minute warmup (walking), then I did 30 seconds of running, 1 minute of walking etc...Then after my 5th minute of running, my right hip started to hurt. Now I don't have any injuries here. This is something new...So I thought I would just slow down and see what happens. The pain subsided and I tried to run one more time. Then the pain in my hip started back up and then my left knee started to hurt. AUGH!!!!
FINAL NUGGET!!! Be diligent with your body. Get the weight off, get to the gym, work your muscles, WORK YOUR PLAN...DO IT NOW....While you still can. I can guarantee you, that if I would have waited one more year, I probably would have done enough damage to my knees, feet and hips, that I would be facing some surgery by now. (They have wanted to do surgery on my feet, but because I've lost 45 pounds, it's taken pressure off of them and they are, for the most part, healed - no pain!!!)
Everything you do to get healthy is a benefit. There are no draw backs. NOT ONE! I get that going back to my old habits means death for me. I am opting for LIFE!! And I'm not wasting one more minute of the gift of health that I've received. I am making it to my goal!!
Much love to everyone who commented yesterday. Your words of love, wisdom and butt kicking made a huge difference in my life. You are gems!!
Are you encouraged today?
Love and Hugs!
Wow! Joy...this is a GREAT post! I can identify with so much of what you said here!
ReplyDeleteHugs..
Vickie
Not only did you survive yesterday, but I think you came out better for having survived it. You've shared so many nuggets that needed to be heard today - thank YOU!
ReplyDeleteRae
xo
I have a bad habit of keeping everything inside, and not wanting to talk about things that are going on- thus making it more stress than it should be. I can relate to being the "encourager," but for me I think it has a little bit to do with trust issues. It took a long time for me to talk about my weight issues with my best friend, whom I love very dearly, and even then it was very rare occasions. I would console my friends a lot, but then when it came to my problems, I wouldn't want to talk about them.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you have a positive attitude about it. I hope that your hip feels better! I know having an injury when you're wanting to exercise can be a bummer. :-)
I have the same problem about trying to make everything cheerful and positive when it isn't. There is something to be said for looking for the good in whatever situation, but I took it to the extreme somehow, like I wouldn't have friends and people wouldn't like me if I was sad or depressed. It really doesn't make sense. I never decided I wasn't going to be someone's friend just because they had a bad day!! Why would I think the opposite was true?
ReplyDeleteLori
Awesome post, Joy!
ReplyDeleteI have been tempted recently to attach some timelines to my goal, but after reading your post here, I think I'm going to avoid that. I have to remind myself that this isn't a race, it's a process. I can't predict that I will keep losing at a certain pace because as my body shrinks, my resting metabolism is going to be reduced. It will take more work to burn the same amount of fat. I could say I'd like to be in "one-derland" by a certain time, but why torture myself like that? I tend to sabotage myself anyway, when I get close to (or achieve) a big goal like that. Slow and steady wins the race.
My daughter is turning 9 soon and she is the big reason I am working towards a healthy me. I actually had to hire somebody to teach her to ride her bike this week because I'm unable to run along side of her. I'm proud of her achievement, but sad that I wasn't the one there pushing her onward!
You made several good points in this post, but I won't bore you with my responses to each one. Just know that I appreciate you and your insight! Thank you!
It is great if you are a naturally joyful person. But when you are not feeling it you are not. Better to feel the annoyance/sadness/boredom/whatever and not cover it up with food.
ReplyDeleteYou are entitled to whatever feelings you have. No one else gets a say in it.
You give so much through your comments on the blogs of others - relax and allow yourself to be given to. It's a two-way street. I've learned that lesson about this amazing community this week. I kept telling myself that people come to my blog to hear about my weight loss journey, not the hours we are spending at the hospital with my FIL. Yet when I went two days without a post, several asked what was going on. A gut level truth is that's better than some of whom we'd call our "closest" friends have done.
ReplyDeleteYour "nuggets" are always delightful. But you're right - we are more interested in YOU than in your nuggets. Never forget that!
sorry, I go all drill sergeant when I sense someone wavering. It is exactly that, the disappointment you will feel in two years if you give up, that drives me to @ss kick. I have done it too many times to count. well, I didn't reach my goal so what's the point. well, that time has passed so it's too late.
ReplyDeleteIt's not about the wedding...or that particular goal. I can understand you wanting to get to 60 pounds lost. But really, the difference ten pounds or so makes won't matter in the long run as long as you keep going.
Keep going.
I am here to encourage you and you encourage me....
What's that, walk beside me and be my friend..
Hang tough.
Big hugs.
Joy,
ReplyDeleteWe would never see you as "a weak person". We are all here to encourage and help each other. If you are struggling or hitting a hard patch just reach out, we're all here for you!
Hugs!