Yesterday was a TOUGH day!! But I made it!
It was really rough writing what I wrote yesterday....About feeling a little blue...
Here's some reasons why...
1.) I got myself in a pinch again! My whole life I've wanted a mentor. Someone who I could complain to, cry with and share successes. And every time I find one, I end up being their mentor. Somewhere deep inside of me I want to help, fix them, focus on their stuff. Once I get in that position in the relationship, the focus shifts and then it really all about them and not about me. Leaving me again, without the support and guidance I need.
When I started my blog, I VOWED TO MYSELF, that I would be honest with what is really going on. For a while, I was doing it....Then, without me even realizing it....I shifted back to my helpful, joyful, cheery, encouraging self. Looking for ways to help everybody else!
I can look back on what I've written and I can see, in a small way, I was telling the truth of where I was. But always, always leaving some sort of encouraging way out of my trouble. For the most part, I was real and did the things I said I would do.
But there has been this growing monster in me, that I was not sharing, the real truth of what I have been feeling.
I now realize that I did not want to disappoint you....I did not want you to see me as a weak person. I always want to be the encourager. Offer some "Nugget of Truth" that will help you get to your next level. I thought if I shared my pain, that you would not see me as the encourager anymore.
Is that stupid or what?
Here's a Nugget for you...Be as honest as you can be here. This is a safe place. People on this blog really do care. I have some awesome friends here and they share from their heart and they give the best love, encouragement and sometimes a kick in the butt (Chris). But I appreciate every one of you. YOU Bless me in so many ways. I am so thankful you share a part of my life, that really nobody else gets to do. You are my friends and I love you!
Nuff of that....
2.) The picture thing bugged me more than I thought. I have regrets and it hurts to realize that I wrecked some things in my kids life. Not just about the pictures, but I was the fat mom, the mom who was too tired, the stressed mom, the mom who made excuses. I can't make that better!!! I can't! I can't give them back the childhood they deserved. It's too late!
Nugget of Truth...Moms and Dads, right now, make a decision to get your health in order. You think you have all the time in the world to get this done. But I'm telling you....The time you have with your kids is a blink. It goes by so fast, your head spins. I cannot believe that I have 3 grown kids, all out of the house. It seems like yesterday, they were born. Now I have grand babies. I can guarantee you that I'm not going to waste anymore time with my kids and grand kids. I am going to be the mom and grandma (Baboo as my grand daughter calls me) they can be proud of. I'm not wasting any more time!! Please I beg you. Don't do what I did. Get you health and life in order. Get it done NOW!!
3.) The wedding is looming....Only a couple of weeks to go and I'm just short of my goal of losing 60 pounds. I really, really wanted that to happen. Well I guess I really didn't because I did not make it happen. It's disappointing to me.
Other people have shared their pain with this type of thing, missing their goals, and I have to say that I did not get it. I'm like, "look what you have already done!! Don't discount that"....Well I'm sorry...I did not realize what it felt like to be here. For those that I said that to, please forgive me. I get it now.
It's not that I don't appreciate where I am now, its that I am DISAPPOINTED that I could not make the right decisions, so I could be where I WANTED to be. It's really that simple. I did it. I made the decisions I made and they were not good for me. I look back and can think of the things I ate, the workouts that were marginal, the times I did not work out and the laziness of my focus and I can see that there were PLENTY of opportunities where I could have made better decisions that would have helped me get to my goal.
THERE'S ANOTHER NUGGET FOR YOU!!!! Something I can give you.....Knowledge...That is. if you really want something, you have take the opportunity, tools and knowledge and make it happen!! YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR FOCUS AND DO IT!!!!!!!!!
4.) Another thing that contributed to my distress, was I tried to run again on Thursday. Started out OK. I did my 5 minute warmup (walking), then I did 30 seconds of running, 1 minute of walking etc...Then after my 5th minute of running, my right hip started to hurt. Now I don't have any injuries here. This is something new...So I thought I would just slow down and see what happens. The pain subsided and I tried to run one more time. Then the pain in my hip started back up and then my left knee started to hurt. AUGH!!!!
FINAL NUGGET!!! Be diligent with your body. Get the weight off, get to the gym, work your muscles, WORK YOUR PLAN...DO IT NOW....While you still can. I can guarantee you, that if I would have waited one more year, I probably would have done enough damage to my knees, feet and hips, that I would be facing some surgery by now. (They have wanted to do surgery on my feet, but because I've lost 45 pounds, it's taken pressure off of them and they are, for the most part, healed - no pain!!!)
Everything you do to get healthy is a benefit. There are no draw backs. NOT ONE! I get that going back to my old habits means death for me. I am opting for LIFE!! And I'm not wasting one more minute of the gift of health that I've received. I am making it to my goal!!
Much love to everyone who commented yesterday. Your words of love, wisdom and butt kicking made a huge difference in my life. You are gems!!
Are you encouraged today?
Love and Hugs!