I am a little sad. Our son is getting married in September and I was asked for pictures of him and the family for the slide show that everybody will see at the reception.
First of all my hubby and I had to go on an expedition to even find the picture box. And of course, we found it, it was the last one on the bottom of the pile. I have to tell you, I'm glad I got me some muscles, because those boxes were heavy!
Anyway, we poured through the pictures and after some time, I began to wonder why in the world did we think it necessary to buy film, then take a zillion pictures of trees, rocks, flowers, unknown people and lots of blurry things, and then go to the store to develop the film ~ which was really expensive. Why did we do that?
Anyway, on with my story....So we are trying to find cute pictures of our son and his sibs and of course we run across a "few" pictures of me. My God...I have been fat my whole life!!!
Do you know, that until last night, I never thought I was "really" that fat. Well geez, I know the scale says I am, but I have always thought that I was just big boned and that's why I weighed so much.
I honestly could not see the double chins...well...and I never had a full length mirror, so I did not really know what was going on below my waist. I thought everything from my waist up looked pretty good. Well except if I turned sideways, then I did not look so great, so I took care of that and I just never looked at the side view of myself. Denial is an amazing thing.....
Well these pictures told the story....I was fat...really fat....disgustingly fat!!! My face looked like a round ball with hair on it. And horrible hair at that!!! You know the Farrah Fawcett look? Well I had it and then some. Holy SMOKES why didn't someone tell me I looked so bad!!!
Well the saddest thing is I realized that I had more pictures of trees, rocks and other stuff and did not have many pictures of people. I guess I thought if I did not like my picture taken, then nobody should have their picture taken.
I hated candid pictures. I felt too out of control when someone would snap my picture on my fat side...which was every side...so that really meant - off limits in the picture taking department.
Unfortunately I have a few pictures of me, only a limited amount of pictures of my kids and hardly any pictures of hubby and me. How sad is that? We really did a lot of fun things and I don't have pictures to remember them by.
Now I know why I get so depressed when I look at the pictures. I used to think it was because I was missing my kids being small. I don't think that why. No it was because I could not are stand seeing myself in such bad shape.
I came across the worst picture of all and showed it to my hubby. I said, "Look at this...Did I ever look sexy". And his reply was "NO"!!!
I sat with that for quite a while.....I thought, we've been together for over 25 years and you've never thought I was sexy? I stewed on this for a while and stewed on it. Started to get mad and then I asked him again. I said, "So you're telling me that in over 23 years of marriage, you've never thought I looked sexy?" He said, "No I thought you asked me if I thought the picture was sexy." Which we both agreed it was not. Fight diverted or maybe he's just a really smart guy....I don't know. I just really hope he was telling the truth....
Then I thought, how sad would it be, if he really did not think that I was "ever" sexy because of my weight. How sad is that?
Do you like pictures?