Sunday, April 17, 2011

Day 17 - 7 Month Focus

Good thing my focus is personal, because if I put the same focus in to doing surgery, I would kill someone! Geez, yesterday was just as bad, as the day before. And that was with a new and energized focus.

I am wondering, what's it going to take?

Now in my defense, I lost my brain yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking, But I thought I had 600 extra calories to eat. My Bobybugg said I was at around 1100 calories. I thought I had the extra calories, so I ate them. Well, I was looking at the wrong info and overate by 600 calories for the day!

This morning I was reading Proverbs 18:1-2. An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he DEFIES ALL SOUND JUDGEMENT. A fool finds no pleasure in UNDERSTANDING but DELIGHTS in AIRING is OWN OPINIONS.

I am not sure if this is what the Bible implies, but this is what I read into it. To me, I'm reading that I am pursing my selfish heart - not listening to the sound judgement of my focus challenge or God. Like I don't want to understand, but delight in going my own way ~ even if it is harmful and detrimental to my health. This is totally my own thinking....probably not what the verse implies. But the words "Defies all sound judgement". That is totally me right now!

I don't get it. I really don't!! It's like I need a keeper to keep me from doing the wrong thing.  Anyway, yesterday I got my water in, Blogged, journaled my food, and exercised . Missed the goal for my calorie intake and steps. Only reach 5664 steps for the day! AUGH!!!!

On a more positive note....Yesterday, I went to a wedding. I saw this woman I have known for years. It's been a while since we've seen each other. So I go up to her and I'm smiling and say, "Hey, J, so glad to see you." I can totally tell, she has no idea who I am. After an awkward moment I say, "You don't know who I am do you?" She said, "No". At this point, I told her my name. I first said my first name and she still did not get it, I had to give her my last name and then she finally got it. I guess I've really changed ~ a LOT!

Other cool thing.....Went to the clothes store yesterday. A regular one. I need a lot of everything, but I was looking for something to wear to the wedding. I bravely, well after a couple bouts of stomach cramps and diarrhea, entered the store. (I obviously have anxiety when it comes to shopping). Anyway, I did not try to find the woman's section, but went right to the regular size racks. I was looking for 16's. I found this very cute wrap around blouse, size XL. It fit great and I think will be a good purchase for the next size down, since it is adjustable. Then I was trying to find pants. I did find some Capri's, size 16 that looked great. But since it just above 40 degrees around here, I wanted long pants. Unfortunately, they did not have a huge selection of black ones, so I took a 16 of one brand and a 14 of another ~ just to see if it would fit. And you know what? I got the 14's on, zipped and buttoned. They were a smidgen tight. Just a smidgen!! But I was too scared to buy them. Isn't that dumb? Can you even imagine being scared of PANTS? I think it was the size that was freaking me. (I've heard this before, where the size of things can be really hard on people, I used to think.....WHAT???? Don't be afraid, REJOICE!! Well I'm there now and I get it. I mean I don't get WHY it happens, I just understand that it does.)

A.N.Y.W.A.Y......I shopped and lived to tell about it. ( was kind of fun!!!!) It's great & disturbing having so many options. I'm a nut, what can I tell you?

So I'm off to an OK start today, Exercise done, good healthy breakfast and CANDY. I know, what AM I THINKING ~ I know...defying SOUND JUDGEMENT...AGAIN!!!!....But I am aware now and I will focus the rest of the day. I am determined to make my GOALS!!!

How about are you doing?

Keep focused (Joy I'm talking to you!!)


  1. Sounds like shopping will be "funner and funner" for you!

  2. I will be Karen from waisting time:
    Thumbs up for the size 14 pants!!
    Thumbs down for NOT buying them. I bet they looked terrific! Anyway, you have a good start to your week, Joy! michele

  3. ugh....I have days like that joy. when you just keep on doing what you don't want to do.
    keep plugging and you will surace. Congrats on the size 16's and 14's! you earned them.

  4. What a great accomplishment getting into a size 14!!! You should feel so proud.

    I wanted to leave a comment yesterday, but was running late, so I'll just say today that I think you're being too hard on yourself. I know how hard it is when we don't meet our goals, God knows I spent the first three months of the year doing that. But...we need to remember above all else to enjoy this journey! We're NOT going to do it perfectly so we shouldn't even expect that of ourselves. And even when we completely mess up, we need to be kind to ourselves.

    Hang in there my friend, we all have times like this...every single one of us. We just have to have the right attitude and never give up!

    I'm here if you need me. My email address is on my blog.

    Love and hugs!!!